Old Guy Office Mate: The Fitness GURU

Office Conversation

Coworker: “Hey!”
Me: “Hey girl!”
Old Guy Office Mate: “Hey yourself. What are you doing?”
Coworker: “Just coming bye to say ‘hi’.”
Me: “Cool.”
Coworker: “Yea. So, I’ve been riding my bike afterwork. Yesterday, I rode from my house to my mom’s, then to my uncle’s across town, then to the park and back.”
Me: “That’s good.”
Coworker: “Yea, except my ass is killing me now.”
OGOM: “No wonder! Look at the size of that thing!”
Coworker: ….blink, blink….
Me: …whince….
Coworker: “So yeah, I need to get a new seat for my bike.”
OGOM: “You NEED to go on a diet!”
Me: “Damn dude.”
Coworker: “I meant, that tiny bike seat hurts my ass.”
Me: “Just stick with it. You’ll get used to it. You’ll develop butt calluses.”
Coworker: “I don’t want calluses on my butt.”
Me: “Not really calluses. Only your muscles in that area will toughen up and you won’t even notice any discomfort after awhile.”
Coworker: “Nah. I just need a bigger seat.”
Me: “Do they make seats for black girl booties.”
Coworker: “Yea. They have some wider ones.”
OGOM: “Look, whatever you’re doing ain’t working.”
Me: “Geez dude.”
OGOM: “I’m just saying she should quit even trying.”
Coworker: “Why?”
OGOM: “Because you’re a big girl. That isn’t going to change from riding a bike.”
Me: “There’s nothing wrong with trying to take care of yourself.”
OGOM: “You don’t have to tell me that. I’ve lost 35 pounds in 45 days.”
Coworker: “That’s because it’s easier for guys to lose weight. They don’t have to deal with estrogen.”
OGOM: “No, it’s because I changed my diet, along with exercise. If YOU want to lose weight, you’ll practically have to starve yourself. That’s the only way it will come off.”
Coworker: “That ain’t gonna happen.”
OGOM: “Neither is your ass strinking.”
Coworker: “No he didn’t!”
Me: “Oh boy.”
OGOM: “I went on a modified Atkins. Lots of meat, fish, dark veggies. Plus I went to the gym every night.”
Me: “Look, as long as you are taking in less calories than you are burning, the weight will come off. It’s just a matter of how fast it does.”
Coworker: “Thank you!”
OGOM: “What I am saying is……Look,.....you’re……pleasantly plump. Be happy with who you are. If a guy doesn’t love you for who you are, then he’s stupid. Just quit kidding yourself about losing that ass.”
Coworker: …..jaw bouncing off floor……
Me: “DUDE!”
Coworker: “I’m out of here.”
…she leaves….
Me: “Maybe just a tad harsh dude.”
OGOM: “She’s fat. Those hips aren’t getting less wide.”
Me: “Nice.”

What can I say about Old Guy Office Mate. Just like Jillian Micheals, he loves vagina AND gives you the straight talk.

Time for the Funnies

Remember when I ranked the funniest bloggers that I read (here)?

Or, do you remember when I passed out my custom made funny award to a select few very funny peeps (or here)?

Well, I figured it had been long enough since I updated my Funnies list, or handed out my funny award, and I should do it again.

Only one problem….

When I was going back through my reader cleaning out the cobwebs (“cobwebs” being code for slackers who rarely post or lost their funniness)….(and I totally just ruined the code, DANG IT!), I realized that I had been so caught up with posting, reading my loyal followers, and making awesome comments, that it had been awhile since I had checked out anyone new.

Maybe there are supremely funny people out there who I am missing.

I began to have a mild panic attack thinking I might be overlooking some good stuff. But since it was only a mild attack, it passed quickly. Or maybe it was a fart.

The point is…

I am redoing the Funny Blogger Recommendation list and need your help.
Actually, I need your help for two reasons.

First, I need you to nominate/refer/suggest someone that you read and think is hilarious and would like me to checkout for consideration.

Second, since my site traffic has dropped, I need you to spread the word to your friends so I can consider as many people as possible before I make my decision.

After I have checked out all the bloggers that are recommended to me, I will post a list of all the nominees, with hyperlinks.

Then I will rank the top ten funniest that I read, also with links.

Plus, the top 10 will each receive a newly crafted custom made FunnyPages Award to display proudly.

There may even be an additional prize or prizes.

I am still working out the details (i.e.. Can Gary Coleman be shipped overnight UPS? Maybe each of the 10 would get to spend the day showing him off in their hometown, like the Stanley Cup trophy? Or, what about sending each winner a lifetime supply of used toilet paper?)

The best part? We all get to check out some funny stuff that we might not already read.
And YES, Mooooog35, you can nominate yourself. It’s completely open.

So send in those nominations, either in the comments or by email.

Let the laughs begin!

P.S. You might ask what qualifies me to judge the funniest bloggers, besides the fact that it’s my contest.
Well, it’s because I am the funny expert!
It’s even in the name of this blog, DUH!
Just look up!

Memoir Monday: TAR 2010

Driving into TAR. The weather was LOVELY. And by LOVELY, I mean ASS.


Saw BUSH upon arrival. I heart you St. Louis. You have a whole stadium dedicated to one of God greatest creations. Now, you just need to learn how to spell.

Travis said, "Look for the two naked chics with big cameras." After getting out my wad of $1 and being slapped by several passerbys, I found these two. Very nice ladies, Bambi (Left) and Barb (Right). Travis was half right. They did have big cameras.

Here's a very drunk Travis doing the YMCA dance at Hard Rock Cafe the first night. He could also be praising God that his TAR shirt fit, I don't really remember.

Here's the early TAR group at Hard Rock. From left to right: Coffeypot, Barb, Alicia (Travis' missus), Travis, Bambi, and Kid Funk (Travis' partner/luvah/BFF/brother/tagteam partner/something.)

Here is a shot looking down from the top of the arch. This is starting to seem like those sucky vacation slides people make you watch.

Here is the main TAR group. Left to Right: Jeff, Travis, Daffy, Mr. Wonderful, Coffeypot.

Here is the adorable Ms. Daffy chillaxin (I hate that word) at the mall. As you can see from her facial expression, she is one Labor Day away from Jerry Lewis holding a Tele-thon for her.

Here's Travis doing his best Boy Band impression. No matter how long we made him stand there so we could take pictures, the damn train just wouldn't show up.

Here is Mr. Coffey in front of a fountain on the last day. We hung out at the museum after everybody split........As a side note: This dude is super cool and totally NOT really a dirty old man like he seems on his blog. Make sure you check him out.