Thursday, January 14, 2010

I do some Math, List the Funnies, Then Alienate People

Wax in your ear = Normal
Wax in your mouth = Not Normal
(Wax in your ear + finger tip) + Wax in your mouth = Disgusting (or a light snack?)

Jug of V8 Fusion + $4.39 = Normal
Jug of V8 Fusion + $1.99 = Seemingly Sweet Deal
Noticing V8 Fusion expired 3 months ago = $1.99 is a ripoff
Noticing Expiration Date after consuming ¾ of the bottle = Bad timing

Offering to give a co-worker a ride home after their car broke down = Good Christian Deed
Giving same co-worker a ride to their doctor’s appt the next day = Cont. Good Christian Deed
Realizing that I am now co-worker’s Personal Taxi service until car is fixed = God’s punishment for my blog?

Trying to craft an entire blog post out of made up Math equations = Seemingly Cool Idea
Realizing you only had enough material for the first two equations = Need to spend more time thinking
Also realizing you hate the subject of Math = Should have done a Science or Geography post
Current Post = Fail (which is exactly the same grade as in Math)


Everybody does lists. So here is mine.

Five Funniest Shows on Television (right now):

1. Better off Ted
2. Big Bang Theory
3. Modern Family
4. 30 Rock*
5. The Office*

*I only occasionally watch these, but they make me laugh when I do.*

Of course, there are lots of good shows on, and my viewing habits have changed over time. For instance, a couple years ago, I would have put Scrubs on that list. Now, not so much.

Non-consistently funny other shows I like:

1. Chuck
2. Heroes
3. Castle
4. Lost
5. Flash Forward
6. Dexter
7. Dollhouse
8. Lie To Me
9. Leverage
10. Anything on History/Discovery/TLC/Animal Planet…….(i.e. Dirty Jobs, Man vs. Wild, Ax Men, Myth Busters, Monster Quest, Deadliest Catch, etc..)

And because I like to alienate followers,

Bloggers I read that are CONSISTENTLY funny (rarely any serious stuff):

In no particular order (*wink,wink*):

2. Steamy @ Steam Me Up Kid
3. Miss Yvonne @ Yo Mama’s Blog
4. Allie @ Hyperbole & A Half
5. Mooooog35 @ Mental Poo
6. Narm @ White Collar Redneck
7. Veggie @ The Vegetable Assassin
8. Travis @ I Like To Fish
9. Daffy @ Bat Crap Crazy
10. Vic @ What Were You Thinking
12. Jillian @ The Pilgrim Congress

I could go on, but thirteen seems like a lucky place to stop.

There are lots of great bloggers out there, most of which I read.

But let’s face it, not everybody is as funny as they like to think they are.

And some people are occasionally really funny, but they also write some serious stuff.

Or really, really, really long posts that hurt my tiny brain.

The list of 13 blogs above, I guarantee will make you laugh on a consistent basis, or my names not Harry S. Crotom.

Now, please do me a favor.

After you visit each of the people above, make sure you come back here and leave a comment thanking me.

Plus, my friends don’t believe Special Ed people can leave comments, so leave one and show them how wrong they are.
P.S. Still working on my cartoon. Hopefully tomorrow or this weekend, it will be up.

P.P.S. I plan to feature some of the other blogs that I read that are also good. This is just a plan. It may never happen since I hate when other people do that, plus I’m lazy.


Corrie Howe said...

I agree many of the blogs you listed are consistently funny. I love Chuck and Mythbusters too. I like 30 Rock, but I forget to watch it or DVR it.

Coffeypot said...

I already visit most on you list. It's a good list, too. You math sucks, buy your humor is A+.

BeckEye said...

Blogs I read that aren't consistently funny = Yours.

What? No, I'm not mad that I wasn't on your list. What gives you that impression?

ScoMan said...

I love a good math joke or post. Shame you only had enough material for the first two.. or three if you want to count the third one.. anyway, I found them funny.

I haven't watched a lot of 30 Rock because the network here kept screwing around the time slot. One week it's 11 o'clock Monday night, the next week 11:30 and then the next week 10 o'clock Wednesday. I gave up and got my brother to get me the DVDs for Christmas.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

I refuse to take it personal that I am pretty sure you have never been to my blog. But I will probably break down and cry in a minute.

And no response to my friendly bet on who wins the AFC championship, eh? Bock, bock!

BlackLOG said...

I admit that I was feeling a bit alienated until I calculated that my blog would appear at No. 1,215 on your list of funny blogs. Mainly because it's normally long and ends up being nothing to everyone but since it's in the top 10,000 I can live with it...what can I say I'm English we learn to aim low.

Anonymous said...

Modern Family is my new fave for sure! Im a tad surprised Cougar Town isnt on your list??

You were just to embarrassed to amit you watch it huh? Thats OK. I know you do.... =)

The Rambler said...

I choked while gagging on the wax snack comment. AND all while laughing.

Jeney Peney said...

I recently started watching Chelsea Lately and she always gives me a good laugh.

And I must agree with your blogger list... those are definitely some consistently funny people!

adrienzgirl said...

Um...yeah. You should stick to Geography or Science.

Just sayin'. :D

GingerMandy said...

i was all "ugh hellooo i'm an awesome blogger," then you said something about people who post really long ass serious shit. and i realize i did that yesterday. bad move, mandy. bad move.

i was also hoping the 2nd list about the v8 fusion was going to turn into a tmi thursday post. we don't even get a reference to the bubble gut? blocked up colon? nothing?


Anonymous said...

Love Modern Family. Love Dexter. Hate that I didn't make the list of 13, but know it's because you're saving me for list of hot bloggers. Right? Right.

Tony said...

Oh, I see I didn't make your list. I see how it is, buddy. I see how it is. </3

BUT The Office is great.

So is Chuck.

And Scrubs should have ended a long time ago.

Just like this comment.

Great Post, Mr. Ed! (I bet no one ever called you that before.)

Meagan@Megs7827 said...

You gotta check out Monique aka Surferwife. She is hilarious!!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Number 2 baby!!! BOOYA!!

*holds up two fingers and runs in circles*


Okay, now that I'm finished taking a shit, lemme see...OH, you linked me today! How lovely!!

Anonymous said...

i like your math, its easier than what i learned in school. and way more useful. i have never needed the derivative of a function, but i have drank expired juice

justsomethoughts... said...

math for $500 please

Kurt said...

According to top scientists, I think that list was in the perfect order.

Moooooog35 said...

I'M #5! I'M #5!

Just checked my stats, Ed. No one's come over. Just sayin'.

Maybe you should increase the list to, like, 14...or maybe even put me at the top.

You know...just the tip. Just to see.

Alex said...

Read em all and there's some keepers there!

Miss Yvonne said...

I'm number 3! I'm number 3!

I like your math problems. They don't hurt my head like other math problems do. Like pathetic paycheck-mortgage payment=suck.

Sally-Sal said...

You always bring the funny, Ed.

Your new page look makes me laugh everytime I see it.

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

*throws self against the wall and sobs uncontrollably*

(Kind of like Scarlett O'Hara....or Suzanne Sugarbaker)

(But you're a dude. You might have to ask your wife who those people are.)

Yep. Alienation.

Kidding....I'll go check out those people. :)

Daffy said...

...and I didn't even have to tea bag ya to make the list.

What a guy

I'm all for math problems that don't require me to take my shoes and socks off. I passed math in school but only because I took my shirt off.


HEY! Whores can't be choosy (according to my peeps in da hood)

Thanks for the luv Ed, right back at ya

mepsipax said...

Ah Ed... I have fucking missed you man. What you didn't notice I was gone. Well.. up yours in the ahole buddy. Nah I am kidding. Great post btw. I liked the math. It R fun.

Anonymous said...

I think I might have blushed. You know, I at least turned a lovely shade of pink. A healthy glow I think it's called.

I'm setting up an autograph booth outside the window as we speak, sort of like the drive thru at McDonald's but without Egg McMuffins, because I know your recommendation will ensure I get at least seven minutes of fame if not the entire fifteen. Thank you man.

I might cry.

~Kaydee~ said...

Ed, my new "friend," (yes, I felt the quotes were necessary and were we speaking face to face they would have been air quotes) you are on my list... and not the shit one either.

JennyMac said...

Tell me it wasnt you who drank expired V8 Fusion AND ate ear I am sure it was a friend.

Ed Adams said...

Corrie Howe: That's the same problem I have with 30 rock. I always forget.

Coffeypot: Your spelling sucks, BUT your humor is A+ also. If I would have kept going with the list, you would be up there.

BeckEye: Don't be hating. I said consistently funny. You write occassional funny stuff, but a lot of Entertainment News type stuff. Now, if I was listing funniest commenters, you would be near the top.

ScoMan: Yep. 30 Rock and the Office both baffle me with their start times. I usually manage to catch the reruns on another network. Oh, and if I was listing Funniest Friday blogs, yours would be Number 1!

Surferwife23: I think I am following you now. When people have more than one blog, I have trouble figuring out which one to follow. As for your bet, talk to me after this weekend.

BlackLOG: You would have definitely been higher on my list than 1,215. Partly because I don't follow that many, but also because you are funny. I just got tired of listing and linking everybody. And, you write some serious stuff occassionally. I'm guessing you'd be in the 15-25 range.

The Blue Zoo: I actually haven't watched Cougar Town. If you think it's funny, I might have to check it out. Your comment made me laugh.

The Rambler: Thanks. It's always nice to make people almost choke. The accidentally eating wax thing hasn't happened since I was a kid, thankfully, but having it in my ear still happens.

JeneyPeney: I haven't ever seen Chelsea Lately. I might have to check that out.

Adrienzgirl: You know I luv ya sister. You also know you do some serious stuff sometimes. You would definitely be on my list of funniest commenters though.

GingerMandy: You are an awesome blogger. You do some long and serious stuff, but you're funny too. The V8 Fusion thing was the wife and kids. I don't drink that shit.

To be cont........

BlackLOG said...

15 - 25 range, hmm, I consider that a bit of over achievement for a slacker such as myself. I would ask that you re-consider and would be happy to accept a place just outside your top 50....

Ed Adams said...

hotpants: Hot Bloggers + You = #1.

Tony: As a matter of fact, Mr. Ed was my nickname in High School, because I'm hung like a horse. Hahahahaa. Seriously dude, you're funny, but you write serious posts also. At least I read all your posts.

Meagan: I think I'm following her now.

Steamy: Your comment is a classic example of why you're my number two. Also, that's why you are ranked #2 on my funny blogger list. If you think that's redundant, think again.

jeff: Thanks Jeff. My Math likes you too, but not the gay kind of like. My wife loves her V8 Fusion when it's fresh.

justsomethoughts: What a coincidence! $500 is about how much a college Math book costs.

Kurt: I believe your scientists might be bias, which is also redundant.

Mooooog35: At least you made the list. Plus, it's like Field Of Dreams, "If you write it, they will come, and laugh, and maybe even follow." Or is that just my copy that says that? (stupid pirated DVD's from Russia!)

Alex: Glad you agree, Alex. You're pretty funny too.

Miss Yvonne: Seems the top three are happy with their placing, but everybody else is pissed. That counts as an alienation WIN! Oh, and the Math equation you suggested has the same answer as YOUR MOM!

Sally-Sal: Thanks Sal. You know I love you and your writing. You probably would have made this list, but I quit at 13. At one time, before you got all deep and writey, you would have made the top 10.

The P.O.S.: I know those ladies. Well, at least the first one. Don't fret, you are plenty funny. I just haven't been following you long enough to determine if you're consistently funny.

Daffy: If you were in my Math class, I might have paid more attention. And the Tea Bag's never too late.

mepsipax: Yep, I noticed you were gone. I'm just slow.

Veggie: I'm glad you're pleased.

~Kaydee~: Thanks. I think.

JennyMac: It was my wife with the V8. I had some earwax yesterday that I cleaned out, but I didn't eat it.

Ed Adams said...

BlackLOG: You drive a hard bargain, but okay, #51 it is.

Cassie said...

You're going to have to work a lot harder than that to alienate me. Sorry to disappoint you.

Busted Kate said...

I just swung by to say I got a good laugh at the excuse you posted on Daffy's page....

"I was actually running ahead of schedule, but then I stopped to help a drunk orphan who was being molested by polar bears."

Since I live in Arizona I think I'll have to switch that to "molested by Gila Monsters", but otherwise I think it's a homerun. Who could argue with that?

Busted Kate said...

PS: I agree with your TV list 80%. If for no other reason than Neil Patrick Harris's Barney character, How I Met Your Mother is funnier than Big Bang Theory.

Heather Leigh said...

I liked the math portion. I do not offer coworkers rides anymore specifically because I was once a taxi-service as well.
Have a great weekend!

Jay Ferris said...

Other than the exclusion of How I Met Your Mother from your lists, I am forced to mostly agree with you for the first time. Although if you've been watching it, HIMYM has started slacking in the most recent season. But that doesn't make you fully right or anything. OK, I'll go away now.

Cassie said...

I just started watching Modern Family, and I think it's hilarious...The Office and LOST are 2 of my fave shows!

Ed Adams said...

Cassie: I keep trying, but you guys keep coming back.

Busted Kate (x2): First, welcome. Feel free to modify my excuse.
Second, Gay Doogie Howser being funnier than Sheldon is Blasphemy.

Heather Leigh: Hindsight is definitely 20/20. Especially, if your rearview mirror wears corrective lenses.

Jay Ferris: It's okay to agree with me. I'm always right, and it would be good for you to be on the winning team for a change. "How I Met Your Mother" annoys me for some reason. Probably because I can't pretend that NPH isn't a homo pretending to be a ladies man. Oh, and you would have made my list in the 14-25 range, but I quit listing because I was too busy being right.

Cassie: I'm a fairly new watcher of the Office. We are loyal LOST watchers here.

Phillipia said...

Hey Ed, thanks for all the new reading material:)

If I had to be consistently funny as Phillipia, I would need to try to keep up two blogs...because I am not consistent at anything.

I rarely watch television, so I will just take your word that those are good shows.

Dame Nuisance said...

Love the math portion of your post. I hated math, too.

I knew you were a man of discerning taste - I love Big Bang Theory, too - was too chicken to say so when Veggie Assassin did a post hatin' on it, tho'.


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