tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73783882359503499372024-02-18T23:35:24.381-05:00Ed's Funny PagesWhere Funny Meets It's Maker.Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.comBlogger370125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-73555568434437925052013-11-06T12:35:00.006-05:002013-11-06T12:35:45.317-05:00White Guilt - It's REAL
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">White people are full of guilt. Guilt over some shit that
happened over 150 years ago.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hell, we didn’t own slaves! No white person alive today ever
owned a slave. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">But we still feel that guilt. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We go out of our way to be extra nice to black people. Even
put one in the white house.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">It’s the media that keeps that racial tension shit alive. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And the black people. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">They will play that card anytime they feel they are being
wronged. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><em>“Bitch, why you put pickle on my cheeseburger when I ordered
it plain? It’s cause I’m black, it’s it. I bet if a white person would’ve
ordered theirs plain, there wouldn’t be no pickle on their shit. You racist
M-F’er!”<o:p></o:p></em></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">So we feel guilty. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My wife and I saw that movie Traffic in the theaters. You
remember that movie?<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">After it ended, my wife turns to me and says,<em> “Let’s go hug
that black couple sitting over there.”</em> <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">And I, because of white guilt, was like, <em>“Yeah, that’s a
good idea. Let’s do it.”<o:p></o:p></em></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then my brain was like, <em>“Whoa…hold up. Are you friggin
crazy! You don’t go hugging on some strange black person. Do you want your ass
beat?”<o:p></o:p></em></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">I’m like, <em>“Hang on a second babe. On second thought, we’ll
just make a donation to the NAACP.”<o:p></o:p></em></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But nowadays, Arabs are the new Blacks.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">Now don’t get jealous black people. I don’t mean we are
going to put Arabs in chains and make them do manual labor, only to free them,
give them the vote, and eventually pay them millions of dollars to play sports
for our leisure.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">No, what I mean is, when you see an arab nowadays, like at
the seven eleven or the cellphone accessory kiosk in the mall or on a
plane…doesn’t your sphincter pucker a little.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">Used to be, white people would see blacks, and they would
get scared. Lock their doors. Women would clutch their purses a little tighter.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now, when we see Arabs, we either walk the other way incase
they explode, or we get ready to tackle them incase they reach for a detonator.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">The poor guy at the kiosk learned that the hard way the
other day. I felt bad afterwards. Turns out he was just reaching for his phone
to show me we had the same kind.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But white people don’t fear blacks like they used too. We
are more worried about them not liking us.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">“I sure hope this black guy doesn’t hold what my relatives
did to his relatives 150 years ago against me.”</span>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-36547486102298490962013-11-05T15:19:00.000-05:002013-11-05T15:19:30.191-05:00The Indian Who Wasn't<span style="color: blue;">While helping a veteran get a new ID Card at the VA today, I noticed he had a really neat "Native Pride" hat on.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">It said "Native Pride" on the bill, and had a large embroidered Dream-catcher with a wolf's head in the center.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">The following exchange took place:</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><strong>Me:</strong><em> "I love your hat."</em></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><strong>Him:</strong> <em>"Thanks!"</em></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><strong>Me:</strong> <em>"What tribe?"</em></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><strong>Him:</strong><em> "Huh?"</em></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><strong>Me:</strong> <em>"What tribe are you from?"</em></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><strong>Him:</strong> <em>"What do you mean?"</em></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><strong>Me:</strong> <em>"Aren't you Native American?"</em></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><strong>Him:</strong><em> "Yeah! I was born in St. Louis, Missouri!"</em></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><strong>Me:</strong> <em>"Oh....I thought maybe you were Indian."</em></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><strong>Him:</strong> <em>"I'm Irish."</em></span><br />
<em><span style="color: blue;"></span></em><br />
<span style="color: blue;">Turns out, a friend bought him the hat in Arizona because she knew he liked to read about the Indians.</span><br />
<br />
Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-59222051381101456882013-11-04T11:59:00.002-05:002013-11-04T11:59:27.285-05:00Second Chances-Clean & Sober version<span style="color: blue;">After discussing the previously mentioned evening with various folks in attendance, I think I finally figured out what Joke/Story I was attempting to tell at the reunion. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">If I had been clean & sober, it would have gone something like this:</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">My dad calls me in the middle of church the other day. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">Now
dad has had some health problems lately, so when I see it’s him calling, I
think it’s an emergency. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">I run out of church to answer his call and this is
what I get: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><strong>Dad:</strong> <em>“Do you have a sickle?"</em></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><strong>Me:</strong> <em>“A what?”</em></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><strong>Dad:</strong> <em>“A sickle! Like you cut weeds
with?”</em></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><strong>Me:</strong> <em>“No. I have a weedeater for that.”</em></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><strong>Dad:</strong><em> “Nah, I’ve got one of those, I
want a sickle. Wonder where I can get one.”</em></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><strong>Me:</strong><em> “I don’t know..........maybe the
1800’s?”</em></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">Couldn’t he just wait a couple months and borrow the Grim Reapers?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Not sure being sober makes it any funnier, but it was funny when it happened.</span></o:p></div>
Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-64060050736645128172013-10-31T09:21:00.003-04:002013-10-31T09:21:30.406-04:00My 20 year class reunion and how I basically died.
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">My reunion was this past month. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or so I’m told.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">See, ole Ed had a few too many. How many is too many, you
ask?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, the reunion started around 6pm and lasted until about
midnight.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">I had a couple Crown & Cokes at the cash bar, and
visited with some old friends.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The guy who was our class president found me at the bar and
asked if I would be doing standup that night. I explained that it was talked
about, but that nothing was decided beforehand, so I never prepared anything.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">He said that was bullshit and he wanted me to do it anyway.
I explained that I had not consumed nearly enough alcohol for provide an
impromptu performance.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He immediately ordered shots of some fancy Irish whiskey.
And several more followed.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">I eventually made my way to the table where my wife &
sister-in-law (who married my best friend from High School) were seated.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At this point, things are getting foggy. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">Eventually, I was handed a microphone with the request of
“At least give us a one-liner. Something quick.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Anybody who knows me or my comedy knows, Ed don’t do
one-liners. I think I told some story about my dad or something, which pretty
much bombed.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">It must have been bad, because when I turned around, my wife
said something about how my comedy doesn’t work with one-liners or something.
And, the guy I handed the mic back to thought he needed to save the moment by
trying a one-liner of his own, which I’m pretty sure got more laughs than me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After that, my BFF/Brother-in-Law said “Let’s do some
shots”, and off to the bar we went.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">That was about 8:30pm. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And that’s the last thing I remember.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">Until I woke up. At 5 a.m. In my backyard.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now, I started the evening drinking $3 crown & cokes,
which I was paying cash for from the $30 I had in my pocket. I remember ordering
3 of those, plus a double. This is in addition to all the shots people were
buying me.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">However, at some point, I must have started a tab, because I
woke up with a receipt in my pocket for $75! AND no cash!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Although I have no memory of the night, I got a detailed
report from the wife. Without even asking for it.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">I also questioned my Brother-in-Law about the evening’s
festivities.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Here are some of the highlights:<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">2 people told my wife that she needed to cut me off and take
me home. Evidently I had grabbed their crotch and ass. They were both men.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I bump&grind-ed with some “fat girl” on the dance floor.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">I keep yelling “Fuck you!” and “Shut the fuck up!” to no one
in particular.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I told my sister-in-law that my brother-in-law was passed
out on the floor of the bathroom. No one remembers if he actually was.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">I evidently said, on several occasions, “I want some blonde
because I get brown at home”.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I sat at the bar and did Snakebite shots with my
Brother-in-law for over an hour.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">At one point, I order a full glass of whiskey, and forced
the class president to try and drink it all. He managed to choke down half, and
I finished the rest.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I yelled at the spouse of a classmate, “Who the FUCK are
you?! You weren’t in my class!”<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">I kept whispering to people, really loudly. Or, whispering
so close it bordered on giving them a hicky.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We didn’t leave till after midnight, because I refused to
leave.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">Then, I refused to get in the cab of the truck. Evidently, I
kept shutting my foot in the door and telling my wife, “It’s fine, just go!” When
she would try to tell me otherwise, I would say, “Shut up and drive!”, which
she refused.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I eventually got in the back of the truck bed, which is how
I made the 15 min trip home.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">Like I said, I have no memory of this. My first memory is
waking up freezing in the backyard at 5am. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was still drunk till about 2pm the next day.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">And hungover until the day following.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pretty sure I must have had alcohol poisoning. It’s a
miracle I did not die. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">AND that my wife did not leave me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lessons learned:<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">I will never again say, “I haven’t had nearly enough to
drink yet to do that.” That is basically a challenge.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Scotch whiskey, Irish whiskey, and Tequila don’t get along.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">I’m kind of a dick, with a hidden preference for blondes and
fat girls. And maybe even a closet bisexual.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t have that little inside voice that says, “Maybe you
should quit. You’ve probably had enough.”<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">I suck at whispering.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have the BEST Wife in the World!<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">Seriously, it’s a miracle she hasn’t murdered me in my
sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yet.</span></span>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-13542853939264756542013-10-29T14:00:00.002-04:002013-10-29T14:00:52.867-04:00theChive - It's my new thing!
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://thechive.com/" target="_blank">theChive</a> is my new addiction. It’s AWESOME! </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">If you haven’t
checked it out, I HIGHLY recommend it.
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">It was started by these brothers from Ft. Wayne, Indiana (my home state), and has since become a global phenom!</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">It can't be described in such a short blog post. It's more than just a website. It's a way of life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">Not only does it have all the funnies for could want, but it also has tons of
pics of hot babes, cool gadgets, cats & dogs, awesome locations, and
charitable stuff. They are constantly raising money and having fun doing it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">It’s basically social networking on steroids!</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">There is an app for your phone too.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">I’ve heard it described as a better version of Maxim.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">Someone I recommended it to said there was “Too much tits
& ass” ........(like that is a real thing)hahaha. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">It’s really not that bad though. People let their kids follow it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">Do yourself a favor and check it out.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">And for the ladies, they have a more "female friendly" version
called <a href="http://theberry.com/" target="_blank">theBerry</a>, where they post pics of girly stuff (like purses & flowers
& kittens & shit). </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">They also post pics of hot guys. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;">Or so I’m told.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-2025719797230492122013-10-28T10:06:00.002-04:002013-10-28T10:06:15.261-04:00When is enough and when is too much?<span class="userContent"><span style="color: blue;">I struggle with knowing when someone expects a reply to an email and when they don't. And how many replies. Like, they send me a message, I send them a reply, then they reply to my reply thanking me for my reply. Do I reply to their reply, so they know I received their thank you? Cause to me, that seems stalkerish. Like, they may think I want to be friends or something, when I don't. Or they might think I don't think they are busy and have time to start a conversation of replies. <br /> <br /> *On a related note, I may either need more or less caffiene*</span></span>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-626400276641495852013-09-19T09:59:00.001-04:002013-09-19T09:59:24.858-04:00<span style="color: blue;">Holy cow! My last post was December 2012???</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">Is anyone still here?</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">Well, not much as changed since then. I am still working for the Fed. Still volunteering as a Fireman in the city I live. My kids are still driving me crazy. My wife is still putting up with me. I am still restoring an old Fiero. And I am still the same wild and crazy funnyman. I have been trying to get back on stage to so standup, but other commitment have thus far prevented that.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">I kind of got burnt out on blogging. It seemed like a fad that had outlived its run. I did miss the community and the friends I made, but I could never find the time for regular posts, and when I did...I could always think of other things I would rather do. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">Plus, when you are writing standup, the last thing you want to do is waste all your funny on a blog post. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">So I quit.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">I was so busy at work and in real life, I just didn't have time for it. And it didn't seem right to post stuff and not spend the time reading what others have posted.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">Lately, I 've missed my blog and the mental release it provided.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">Still not sure if I am planning to return regularly, but who knows.</span>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-47706615578509716732012-12-17T22:30:00.002-05:002012-12-17T22:30:22.857-05:00Buy Rodney's (aka Moooog) Book!!!...Oh yeah, and long time no seeRodney (aka Moooog) has written a book.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdSOTCM_n6EGoOMFiyHYXicw3z8EtglFYogaHOrdWuJWOxN79vFkGGKOviaNaa5HOM0JvfppDrU6eG7XMomq8uAFYaPxfuBfnw3GD32x76IQDHo37eNdKttrDCdItXfO8pC1c895x2Qrsw/s1600/51APAY-a5jL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdSOTCM_n6EGoOMFiyHYXicw3z8EtglFYogaHOrdWuJWOxN79vFkGGKOviaNaa5HOM0JvfppDrU6eG7XMomq8uAFYaPxfuBfnw3GD32x76IQDHo37eNdKttrDCdItXfO8pC1c895x2Qrsw/s1600/51APAY-a5jL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
God help us.<br />
<br />
Not that he has ever been lacking for words. But THIS time, he has managed to organize them into coherent trains of thought AND find someone mentally-challenged enough to print them.<br />
<br />
Rodney is one of the only people I know shorter than me, and who also happens to be ALMOST as funny as me.<br />
<br />
So BUY HIS BOOK!!!<br />
<br />
Go <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Things-Wrong-hands-lemons-vodka/dp/0982772025/ref=tmm_pap_title_0/176-1703631-7073369">HERE</a><br />
<br />
DO IT!!!<br />
<br />
1% of all the proceeds go to help the Vertically Challenged. The other 99% goes for beer.<br />
<br />
Plus, Rodney is giving away Free Kittens with every purchase. Not necessarily to you, or at the time of purchase, or even alive kittens. This may or may not be true.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">*I was not paid for this endorsement. Because Rodney is a cheap bastard. But, he is a friend nonetheless.*</span><br />
<br />
<br />
If you want to know what I've been up to lately, go<a href="http://www.fiero.nl/forum/Forum2/HTML/125458.html"> here.</a>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-27385997843879354902012-10-04T15:06:00.002-04:002012-10-04T15:06:28.074-04:00There Once Was A Neglected BlogReal life keeps me busy these days. <br />
<br />
For starters, there has been all kinds of Drama at work. Was told that I was being moved, then I wasn't, then I was, then I wasn't, etc.etc. I still don't know what is going on.<br />
<br />
The Fire Dept was a bigger commitment than I originally thought it would be. Way too much for volunteer. But it's too late to bitch now.<br />
<br />
Lately, my free time has been consumed with family and my latest passion.....Building a Custom Car!<br />
<br />
First, I was planning to build a Lamborghini kitcar. Something I had always wanted to do. Now, its a toss up between a one-off custom and restoring a Hot Rod. Either way, I am starting one soon! (My winter project)<br />
I am obsessed!!!!<br />
<br />
My dad has been having some medical issues, and I have been caring for him. Not quite ready to lose another parent so soon. Prayers are appreciated.<br />
<br />
BUT mostly, I just got kind of bored with blogging. It was supposed to be an outlet for me and my humor. BUT My wife finds me funny again!!! She is my outlet. Probably one reason I haven't been back to the standup stage. <br />
<br />
I still would like to try that again sometime.<br />
<br />
However, this blog just became more of a task than something fun to do. And I'm sure it showed in my lack of posts, and the quality of the few times I would post.<br />
<br />
So am I done? Is this it for Eds Funny Pages?<br />
<br />
Who knows.Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-49764005591972915792012-08-28T10:47:00.002-04:002012-08-28T10:47:23.242-04:00Best Of Craigslist While Blogger Still Eludes MeI'm guessing that the most recent update to blogger is not compatable with my work computer.<br />
<br />
I have yet to try it from home, as my wife isn't as understanding of "Break Time" as they are at work.<br />
<br />
Regardless, here are some links to Hilarious posts on Craiglist.<br />
(I recommend Left-Clicking on each link and opening in a seperate window.)<br />
<br />
Enjoy!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/2979885438.html">http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/2979885438.html</a><br />
Makes me want one!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ral/3178532215.html">http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ral/3178532215.html</a><br />
I sent in my Resume.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/2597736393.html">http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/2597736393.html</a><br />
Hilarious!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/grr/2967803311.html">http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/grr/2967803311.html</a><br />
Glad they specified. Would hate to slay the wrong one!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/2783430662.html">http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/2783430662.html</a><br />
I think we've all had days like this.Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-70914651855297128412012-08-24T15:58:00.002-04:002012-08-24T15:58:53.166-04:00This place is DUSTY!*cough* *cough* *coughy-coughy-cough-cough*<br />
<br />
DAMN!<br />
<br />
How'd it get so dusty up in here?<br />
<br />
I had some stuff to post but will have to do it some other time.<br />
<br />
It seems Blogger made some changes in my long absence and I don't even know how to post pictures anymore.<br />
<br />
WTF!<br />
<br />
I'll read up and try again later.Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-39836201588511568502012-07-30T15:38:00.002-04:002012-07-30T15:38:59.270-04:00That Time Me And Crown Royal Entertained Some Wolverines<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In June, I went to Saginaw, Michigan for a work training conference.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saginaw is about 4 hours Northeast of me, and about an hour north of Detroit.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let me just say, that area of Michigan sucks.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know that they were hit hard by the collapse the market and lost several auto manufacturers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The area lost thousands of jobs when those companies packed up and moved production to greener Asian/Mexican pastures with less unions and lower wages.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But honestly, how long can you use that as an excuse to be the armpit of the country?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So you negotiated yourselves out of work, so what! It’s time to pick yourselves up and do something else. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Like maybe cleaning up the streets of your cities.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or at least remove the dead deer carcasses from the highway. (I counted 12 JUST on the way UP there!) </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We all know Detroit is a cesspit, so I digress.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Saginaw is slightly better. You are still close enough to catch a contact high, and possibly STDs, but far enough away that the bullets from 8 Mile fall short.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You get the picture.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So there I am. Stuck. For a week.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The training runs from 8 to 4, leaving quite a bit of free time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Free to do WHAT?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The second night there, I noticed a HUGE Buffalo Wild Wings in the parking lot of my hotel.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I walked over to get some dinner, and ended up staying to watch the NHL finals.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">While there, I ordered an adult beverage, only to be CARDED!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because I’m THAT youthful AND sexy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That is when I found out my Drivers License had expired on my birthday.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Last December. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Like 6 months ago. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Like before I drove out of state 300 miles.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The bartender took pity on me and gave me my drink. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The next night, I debated on whether to risk embarrassment by going back, only to realize it would be less embarrassing than going somewhere new and experiencing it all over again. At least they already knew my license was expired at this BW3.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I got there, the place was PACKED. A couple hundred people AT LEAST.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I found an empty seat at the bar on the patio, which was also packed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I originally planned to grab a bite to eat and leave, but after meeting the two gentlemen sitting on either side of me, I figured some guy talk over beers and an NHL game would be better than watching Real Housewives alone in my hotel room.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Shut up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Turns out, the guy on my left who was on a first name basis with all the bartenders and waitresses was not just some regular, but was the General Manager of all the area Buffalo Wild Wings.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">He was really cool, and kept ordering the 3 of us Crown & Cokes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The other guy, to my right with the really fancy watch, was an executive of NBC Detroit.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We talked and laughed and drank for most of the evening.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">About 8 Crown & Cokes in, I mentioned that I had done standup comedy a few times.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Awe, hell.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Next thing I know, the GM has me up on the bar, with a mic, in front of the entire restaurant doing standup.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I did about a 20 min impromptu set that had the place rolling! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">At first, I thought maybe they were just laughing at my drunk ass, and not the jokes. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But after I came down, they were patting me on the back, buying me drinks, telling me I was hilarious, and asking me to come back the next night.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I may or may not have even signed a couple pairs of titties. It’s difficult to remember.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yep!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m now an INTER-STATE comedian.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Living the dream, one Crown&Coke at a time.</span></div>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-1425550776833924722012-07-26T14:56:00.003-04:002012-07-26T14:56:40.534-04:00One Hot & Crazy Summer<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Summertime.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I love summer. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Used to be, one of the best things about living in Indiana was seeing the seasons change.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">All the colors of fall.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Having snow on Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years in the winter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The flowers and trees blooming in the spring.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pardon me while I adjust my vagina.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The older I get, the more I like summer. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the less I give a shit about changing seasons.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In fact, after Christmas, winter can go F#@K itself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Since I hit 30, I found myself thinking more and more fondly about the possible climate change effects of global warming.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Who cares that it’s a myth!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Who care that the Earth has been going through periods of Hot and Cold for millions of years throughout history.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If there was just the tiniest chance that Al “Iinventedtheinternet” Gore was right, then I supported it whole-heartedly. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would be willing to cut off ALL the catalytic converters of all the cars in town, mow my yard in the middle of the day, waste water, and burn roofing shingles 24-7, if it meant Indiana would soon become the new Florida.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It would be GREAT!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Only better, actually, since we have no hurricanes, poisonous snakes or spiders, gators, sink holes, or Cubans.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And we keep our retired folk in homes, where they belong. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not running around clogging up the malls and theme parks.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yep, I was becoming more and more in favor of adding a few degrees to the thermometer.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Until this summer.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The HEAT has been HELL-like.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m not talking the normal humidity/heat that we are used to, that other people bitch about when they visit Indiana.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m talking the several weeks of 100+ degrees minus the humidity heat. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m talking the “kill all your grass and plants and animals” heat. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m talking the “don’t walk outside unless you want an instant flash burn that melts your face off and makes it impossible to breathe” type heat.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We have had WAY below average rainfall this summer, which may have helped with the humidity, but not the heat.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m starting to look forward to fall.</span></div>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-11248708059334878702012-06-07T17:16:00.000-04:002012-06-07T20:07:16.756-04:00My Family: I Can't Take These People ANYWHERE!A relative of my daughter's preschool teacher recently opened a restaurant in our area, and we had been meaning to stop in and try it.<br />
<br />
And since we hate to cook and were out by there, we stopped in.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgizCnMdqvfLRtXw9MB0eDw43gpit8HtqQmgUaHFnNPOV8GEGLkzVVfeS68PPBMke-pFDUDd3jioMfT526h-5cjP0lnC-3hcYN_b4hGp7JiHxmAhBHWETd0diuGHbP4kUaf8q6W8FIrrR_0/s1600/kbistro.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" fba="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgizCnMdqvfLRtXw9MB0eDw43gpit8HtqQmgUaHFnNPOV8GEGLkzVVfeS68PPBMke-pFDUDd3jioMfT526h-5cjP0lnC-3hcYN_b4hGp7JiHxmAhBHWETd0diuGHbP4kUaf8q6W8FIrrR_0/s320/kbistro.jpg" width="260" /></a></div>
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What the HELL is a "bistro"?</div>
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Sounds like some kind of commie French place where stuffed shirts sit around drinking fancy coffee and eating croissants and discussing their hatred of Western Capitalism.</div>
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Definitely not the usual type of place for this area.</div>
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See, my family is more of the McDonald's, Arby's, Bob Evans, Cracker Barrel, Steak-n-Shake, Long John's, Pizza Hut, Papa John's, Chinese Buffet-type of connoiseurs.</div>
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Once in a blue moon, we'll go "fancy" and hit the Applebee's. </div>
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That's high-falutin' for our area.</div>
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So needless to say, as soon as we hit the door, we had some reservations.</div>
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Actually, we wondered if we should have made some reservations first.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgniwc8geYNUbyV0U2HugvpGSWL8xxWtIaFm5a_ibCyP7wyzKKPWe3j8wji_VgF3GRL7BlDIzlvYpzejDS9oyt6oRpct8jBioPjCXDv_mqMTuICTPy0ALe_rkVqS9a_zkwUWIV60E5YRsdC/s1600/insidebistro.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" fba="true" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgniwc8geYNUbyV0U2HugvpGSWL8xxWtIaFm5a_ibCyP7wyzKKPWe3j8wji_VgF3GRL7BlDIzlvYpzejDS9oyt6oRpct8jBioPjCXDv_mqMTuICTPy0ALe_rkVqS9a_zkwUWIV60E5YRsdC/s400/insidebistro.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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My lovely wife, the tightwad, said <em>"This looks expensive."</em></div>
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My kids asked, <em>"Is this a museum?"</em></div>
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I wondered if kids were even allowed in a place like this. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifg3NRzM8c7ClGcwDM_XBOsznwRl2b3hxp2iYZzmkr0HUH1BnFNo-ePDRGvJFCXiLm4kvGex35cSj2YvS5dE44vCvi-ZtuFJWdVjUXGzKKPzxeGuTBGyLgV3AV6kR1coaAmOridm5jGnJV/s1600/table+setting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" fba="true" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifg3NRzM8c7ClGcwDM_XBOsznwRl2b3hxp2iYZzmkr0HUH1BnFNo-ePDRGvJFCXiLm4kvGex35cSj2YvS5dE44vCvi-ZtuFJWdVjUXGzKKPzxeGuTBGyLgV3AV6kR1coaAmOridm5jGnJV/s400/table+setting.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I saw this and thought, <em>"Oh shit! Square plates! I hope I brought enough cash."</em></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmyOBrfrNCXp0egWoUPyqmr55HMSDD_afMJNV4MMW_8lN4T_f0F54-vP2fdgfogAnnZ4i7GE6T4urzqaWh7Mf_EF3-u5XzIKXAaPBL-kmIu29j1zjqhtpSFnyAqwa1wS-sI31phGtj0lki/s1600/table2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" fba="true" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmyOBrfrNCXp0egWoUPyqmr55HMSDD_afMJNV4MMW_8lN4T_f0F54-vP2fdgfogAnnZ4i7GE6T4urzqaWh7Mf_EF3-u5XzIKXAaPBL-kmIu29j1zjqhtpSFnyAqwa1wS-sI31phGtj0lki/s400/table2.jpg" width="298" /></a></div>
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Within seconds of being seated, my daughter had thrown her silverware on the floor. </div>
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My oldest son spilled pepper all over the table. He was confused by the combo salt and pepper-grinder\shaker they had on the table. I showed him how the salt shakes out of the top, and by turning the top (like he had just done) it will cause freshly ground pepper to pour out the bottom.</div>
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My youngest son practically spilled his water looking to see if his eyes were playing tricks on him because, <em>"It looks like the hole goes all the way through the bottom of the glass."</em></div>
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It's funny how being in a nice place instantly causes you to be concerned with stuff like table manners.</div>
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We found ourselves instructing our little animals on such things as: "GET YOUR ELBOWS OFF THE TABLE!" and "STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR SILVERWARE\THE SALT&PEPPER SHAKER\YOUR FOOD\ETC.!" and "SIT ON YOUR BUTT THE RIGHT WAY IN THAT CHAIR!" and finally, "PUT YOUR NAPKIN IN YOUR LAP."</div>
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That last one was my wife to the 8yr old, who kept covering up with his napkin.</div>
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It went like this:</div>
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<strong>Wife: </strong><em>"Place your napkin in your lap."</em></div>
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<strong>8 yr/old: </strong><em>"Where is my napkin?"</em></div>
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<strong>Wife:</strong><em> "You're covering up with it."</em></div>
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<strong>8 yr/old:</strong> <em>"THAT'S NOT A NAPKIN! It's CLOTHE! It's soft like a blanket!"</em></div>
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Seems the lack of paper napkins confused him.</div>
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I felt like I was with the Beverly Hillbillies.</div>
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I half expected one of them to ask the waitress, <em>"Ya'll have a concrete pond out back?"</em></div>
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Then came time to order. Unable to find exactly what the prices were on the menus, my wife ordered a salad, and I ordered a burger. The kids got something from the "kids menu" the waitress brought.</div>
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My wife's salad came and looked something like this:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiek4_B5HVvwpZlC4xKALmxei9XE9WKxfkjJ0QJ3k7w5uxAz1e2ZQW7BEjObVa-NHCB_NyJDGCyamyQU_UWEdfHxKy63jPmTjd9IFoJaUaFzEY1c-xAc9sdeJmXiNdNVpWw8zVygFqRTbb-/s1600/salad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" fba="true" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiek4_B5HVvwpZlC4xKALmxei9XE9WKxfkjJ0QJ3k7w5uxAz1e2ZQW7BEjObVa-NHCB_NyJDGCyamyQU_UWEdfHxKy63jPmTjd9IFoJaUaFzEY1c-xAc9sdeJmXiNdNVpWw8zVygFqRTbb-/s400/salad.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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She said it was excellent.</div>
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I couldn't find a picture of my burger, but it was similar to this. Just imagine it on a bun with fresh condiments.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAxzBhGLjYRFoVzNYlv26OhOUYbwhpJfmJEgg64NjZiE-Aw_FJFv31TM50cmICMT0gFOsZ5nFhHT-e8O6mrtqF1BdWb3KULi3FwbIKfbdlJQIF-L0R-EuDdeztmVtEJJmLEwuoEUxURC1S/s1600/steak.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" fba="true" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAxzBhGLjYRFoVzNYlv26OhOUYbwhpJfmJEgg64NjZiE-Aw_FJFv31TM50cmICMT0gFOsZ5nFhHT-e8O6mrtqF1BdWb3KULi3FwbIKfbdlJQIF-L0R-EuDdeztmVtEJJmLEwuoEUxURC1S/s400/steak.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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It was wonderful. </div>
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We were really impressed with the fancy presentation of everything, and the kids even loved their food.</div>
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Evidently the guy running the place is a classically trained chef.</div>
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<em>"No kids, the white coat does not mean he's a doctor."</em></div>
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I held my breathe as the check came.....</div>
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The total was $33 and some change.</div>
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Unbelievable for the quality!</div>
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Not to mention, for feeding a family of FIVE!</div>
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Hell, we spend almost that much at McDonald's!</div>
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I told my wife, <em>"It's big city food, at a small town price."</em></div>
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Still, I think we'll leave the kids at home next time.</div>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-10551138175928419392012-06-04T11:18:00.000-04:002012-06-04T11:23:56.066-04:00What's Up, World?!Hey you! Yeah, I'm talking to you!<br />
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What's up? How you been?<br />
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Man, seems like we haven't seen each other in FOREVER.<br />
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Honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to continue blogging. <br />
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I mean, yes, I have been crazy busy at work and at home and with firefighting.<br />
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I had planned to make a return to Standup, and I had kind of gotten bored with blogging.<br />
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Plus, they changed my job description at work, and now I get to work from home more.<br />
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This is a very good thing on many levels, except for blogging. <br />
<br />
See, I get too distracted at home to blog. I used to blog on my breaks at work during downtime.<br />
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At home, when I have downtime from work, I have a million other things to do....when my wife gives them to me. <br />
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Firefighting has been way busier than I expected it to be. Between fire calls, fundraisers, meeting, and training classes (Just got my Haz Mat Certification), it's almost like a full-time job. That you don't get paid for!<br />
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Now that it's camping season, I have been spending a lot of time with the family as well.<br />
<br />
And even though I get to work from home more, work is still crazy busy. They still haven't replaced my retired co-worker, so I am doing both of our jobs. PLUS, the are sending me to a week long training class 5 hrs away in Saganaw, Michigan! Wherever the Fuck THAT is!<br />
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I see I lost a follower while I was gone. I am surprised more didn't jump ship. Oh well, I really don't care anymore.<br />
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Oh, and I have still been watching lots of TV and Movies online when I get a chance. SEE? More distractions!<br />
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I finally broke down and watched all FIVE seasons of Madmen. I'm hooked! It's awesome.<br />
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Guess that's all my ramblings for today. Just thought I would pop in and say Hi.<br />
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I might be back.Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-83089050235560983632012-05-04T11:34:00.001-04:002012-05-04T11:34:21.601-04:00Movies, Movies, Movies!<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I LOVE movies. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not that I get to go that much. Thank God for the internet.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I drop my share of a small fortune at the box office when I can.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This year is shaping up to be the best year for movies in the history of ever.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just check out what has been released so far:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Underworld: Awakening</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Redtails</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Haywire</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chronicle</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Safe House</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Act of Valor</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Lorax</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">John Carter</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">21 Jump Street</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Hunger Games</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wrath Of The Titans</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">American Reunion</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">…and others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Compared to years past, even that list would make for a decent year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But just check out just some of the movies still to come (in order of release):</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Avengers</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dark Shadows</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Battleship</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Dictator</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">MIB III</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Snow White And The Huntsman</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Prometheus</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Madagascar 3</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s My Boy</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">G.I.Joe: Retailation</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Amazing Spider-Man</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ice Age 4</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Dark Knight Rises</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Neighborhood Watch</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Bourne Legacy</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Total Recall</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Campaign</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Expendables 2</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Resident Evil: Retribution</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hotel Translyvania</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Taken 2</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Red Dawn</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">SkyFall (007)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Breaking Dawn (Part 2)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Hobbit</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Great Gatsby</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">….and many more</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sure, there are lots of superhero movies and sequels, but it wouldn’t be Hollywood otherwise.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That town is short on original ideas.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am probably MOST excited for The Avengers and The Expendables 2.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yes, the first “Expendables” was a little cheesy and short on plot, but these movies are PACKED with all the GREAT action stars I grew up watching and admiring.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s like a REAL LIFE version of The Avengers. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The second one has even more! </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Including ARNOLD, Jean Claude, and…..Chuck FREAKIN Norris!!!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can’t wait!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Which ones are you excited for?</span></div>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-70201975766760517432012-04-25T12:13:00.001-04:002012-04-25T12:13:52.131-04:00The Stage Is Calling MeNow that my mom is in the ground (too soon?)...<br />
<br />
And my Firefighting training is complete (no word on whether I passed my test yet)...<br />
<br />
And AND things are finally calming down at work...<br />
<br />
I have been finding my funny again.<br />
<br />
Who knew it was here all along? Right under a big pile of Life Shit?<br />
<br />
I hope to get back to updating my blog more often, but I also am working towards my return to the stage.<br />
<br />
I said on Facebook that I had been writing some new Stand-up material.<br />
<br />
Well, it's more like "talking points" or "topics".<br />
<br />
I don't really like to write entire jokes out. Not only do they never come out like you planned, but they sound rehearsed--which they probably are.<br />
<br />
Mostly, I just HATE repetition. Going over the same material more than once, including after it has been written down, is too repetitive for me.<br />
<br />
Damn this photographic memory of mine!<br />
<br />
It's probably a good thing I'm not a comic for a living. <br />
<br />
Not only am I not funny enough, but those guys go over and over the same material, night after night. <br />
<br />
Honing their delivery. Seeing what works and what doesn't. <br />
<br />
I HATE hearing there same joke from a comic more than once, no matter how good it is.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, by not practicing this repetitive custom, one must have unlimited material.<br />
<br />
It also exposes you to more opportunity for failures.<br />
<br />
Thankfully, I HAVE unlimited material, and I could care less about failure. Whatever THAT is.<br />
<br />
I've always done better "on my feet" or "off the cuff". I think you call it, Extemporanious speech, or some shit.<br />
<br />
Regardless, at least it gaurantees each time I perform will be different.<br />
<br />
Basically, I just get an idea of what I'm going to talk about, in my head, and then go from there.<br />
<br />
And, as long as I'm comfortable and not too nervous, it should be good.<br />
<br />
If not...well....<br />
<br />Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-41971661520343816452012-04-21T19:32:00.001-04:002012-04-21T19:32:06.684-04:00My New Life Anthem<div>
<iframe frameborder="0" height="324" src="http://d.yimg.com/nl/vyc/site/player.html#vid=28966610" width="576"></iframe></div>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-85925066136040599232012-04-18T12:54:00.000-04:002012-04-18T12:54:44.601-04:00FIRE, FIRE, FIRE! An ACTUAL REAL FIRE!!!I had 2 Fire calls yesterday.<br />
<br />
TWO!<br />
<br />
IN ONE DAY!!!<br />
<br />
The first one came in while I was home at lunch. <br />
<br />
An alarm at my kid's school!<br />
<br />
I raced down to the station, grabbed my gear and climbed aboard the truck.<br />
<br />
When we arrived on scene, there was no smoke showing, BUT I was fully dressed and breathing air from my SCBA.<br />
<br />
I was ready to ROCK!<br />
<br />
As we jumped off the truck, we are greeted by the Principal.<br />
<br />
Turns out, a Kindergartener and known troublemaker, had pulled the alarm on the way out for recess.<br />
<br />
False Alarm. No fire.<br />
<br />
Oh well, STILL COUNTS!<br />
<br />
Then, about 8pm, the tones went off again.<br />
<br />
<em>"Jonesboro Fire, Gas City Fire, Gas City Rescue. Structure fire at (address). Fire in bathroom."</em><br />
<br />
I thought, "GEEZ, I've heard of having the hot flaming shits before, but DAMN!"<br />
<br />
This call was different.<br />
<br />
It was the REAL thing. Not just a call or an alarm. They actually mentioned visible flames on the call.<br />
<br />
Race down to the station. FIRST! (Only I wasn't actually, as a couple guys were there doing work at the station)<br />
<br />
Grab my gear and jump on the truck. <br />
<br />
That's when things went downhill.<br />
<br />
I shut my coat in the door. <br />
<br />
Also, I was the smallest guy on the truck and had no space to move, let alone get my coat on.<br />
<br />
The driver was hauling balls to the wall, as we were getting reports the structure was becoming engulfed.<br />
<br />
We were bouncing around like pinballs in the back, as he raced through stop signs and over potholes and curbs.<br />
<br />
To make matters worse, I opened the door to get my coat unstuck.<br />
<br />
Right as he was turning a corner!<br />
<br />
When we got there, I still hadn't gotten my coat fastened. I moved and let the other guys off the truck.<br />
<br />
Then I proceeded to fight my mask for an eternity. Seems when I put it back after the first run, the straps decided to braid themselves together tighter than a 12 year old's ponytail.<br />
<br />
THEN, my helmet strap wouldn't fasten!<br />
<br />
I was gased just getting my gear on.<br />
<br />
By the time I turned around and headed up the steps of the house, the fire was mostly out.<br />
<br />
We stayed on scene till about 11pm, putting out hotspots and securing everything.<br />
<br />
So there you have it, my first "real" fire run. <br />
<br />
FAIL<br />
<br />
<br />
*walks away in shame*Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-1078740870325756652012-04-17T10:58:00.000-04:002012-04-17T10:58:22.999-04:00Wacky News On A Tuesday?!<span style="color: black;"><span class="yshortcuts1">MILLEDGEVILLE, Ga. (AP) - </span></span>Police in Georgia handcuffed a kindergartner after the girl threw a <span id="lw_1334664386_3"><span class="yshortcuts1">tantrum</span>, and the police chief is making no apologies.</span><span style="color: black;">The 6-year-old is accused of tearing items off the walls and throwing furniture at school in the central Georgia city of Milledgeville. </span><br />
<span style="color: black;">The police report says the girl knocked over a shelf that injured the principal.</span><span style="color: black;"><span id="lw_1334664386_2"><span class="yshortcuts2">The elementary school</span></span> called police after the Friday tantrum. The report says when an officer tried to calm the child, she resisted and was handcuffed. </span><br />
<span style="color: black;">The girl was charged with simple assault and damage to property.</span><span style="color: black;"><span id="lw_1334664386_1"><span class="yshortcuts3">Police Chief Dray Swicord</span></span> says the department's policy is to handcuff people in certain situations, and "there is no age discrimination on that rule." </span><span style="color: black;">The child was suspended from school until August.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><strong>Someone needs a Timeout! </strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><strong>In cuffs and a mini-jumpsuit.</strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><strong>What happen to the Good Old Days when you used to just beat the kids ass?</strong></span><br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: #999999 1pt solid; border-top: medium none; mso-border-right-alt: solid #999999 .75pt; mso-element: para-border-div; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-border-right-alt: solid #999999 .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';">ANDERSON, Ind. -- </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';">An Anderson man has been arrested on charges he stole from a woman during a funeral over the weekend. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-border-right-alt: solid #999999 .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Police said a witness saw Derek Culbertson, 25, take the woman's purse and dig through its contents during the Saturday service at St. Ambrose Church, the Anderson Herald Bulletin reported. </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';">The woman, who had traveled from Minnesota for the funeral, said her wallet with $105 inside and coin purse were missing from the purse, police said.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: #999999 1pt solid; border-top: medium none; mso-border-right-alt: solid #999999 .75pt; mso-element: para-border-div; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-border-right-alt: solid #999999 .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Several people at the funeral tracked Culbertson to a church bathroom and held him there until police arrived, the newspaper reported. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-border-right-alt: solid #999999 .75pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding-bottom: 0in; padding-left: 0in; padding-right: 0in; padding-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Police said they found the stolen items shoved into Culbertson's underwear. He was also carrying prescription medications without a prescription, police said. </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Culbertson was arrested on preliminary charges of theft and possession of a controlled substance. He was being held at the Madison County Jail.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><strong><span style="color: blue;">There you go again Indiana, making me proud.</span></strong></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><strong><span style="color: blue;">And only about 30 miles south of me too!</span></strong></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Times','serif'; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><strong><span style="color: blue;">At least wait till the casket is in the ground.</span></strong></span></div>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-66375238135390667702012-04-12T14:23:00.000-04:002012-04-12T14:23:18.009-04:00Game Of Thrones: Like a cross between D&D and LOTR<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><strong>Filling the void left by "The Walking Dead" and "Spartacus"...</strong></span><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">I give you "Game Of Thrones"....</span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">Hopefully, it will tide you over until "True Blood" and "Dexter" returns.</span></strong><br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ1WsZ9GGhVwRSS59HEUSUVUFhUZRFIP92rfApglH1i5pnNXS89kJ1xbsoTaX5awl3AZQ4xA_CsRTMXqrjq5koBIhGG80j3hLeRXCn9Q7gmIfPNJw267cyGfiOqiVwt3YPMM-euwVeGKUw/s1600/2c9a66bd-1355-486d-bc14-f764f31c0f2a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ1WsZ9GGhVwRSS59HEUSUVUFhUZRFIP92rfApglH1i5pnNXS89kJ1xbsoTaX5awl3AZQ4xA_CsRTMXqrjq5koBIhGG80j3hLeRXCn9Q7gmIfPNJw267cyGfiOqiVwt3YPMM-euwVeGKUw/s1600/2c9a66bd-1355-486d-bc14-f764f31c0f2a.jpg" /></a></div>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-15336453910913339582012-04-10T12:58:00.000-04:002012-04-10T12:58:51.782-04:00Titanic: Improved For Your Pleasure<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/dJxj1mou03M" width="640"></iframe>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-34007680200356432032012-04-09T09:28:00.000-04:002012-04-09T09:28:24.913-04:00Cup The Balls, Don't Squeeze!<h1 class="headline" id="yui_3_3_0_21_1333977188383293">Angry ex-girlfriend goes ballistic, rips off man’s scrotum</h1><div class="first" id="yui_3_3_0_21_1333977188383326">Talk about a ball buster.</div><div class="first"><br />
</div><div id="yui_3_3_0_21_1333977188383207"> An Indiana man was rushed to the hospital Wednesday after his scrotum was the victim of a vicious attack by an ex-girlfriend, <span class="yshortcuts cs4-ndcor" id="lw_1333740485_3">The Smoking Gun</span> <a href="http://us.lrd.yahoo.com/_ylt=Ah644gAE7D8ODQxbQrlyeVj59XQA;_ylu=X3oDMTFuaWk1aGFhBG1pdANBcnRpY2xlIEJvZHkEcG9zAzEEc2VjA01lZGlhQXJ0aWNsZUJvZHlUZW1wQXNzZW1ibHk-;_ylg=X3oDMTMxNmUwZmJtBGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDMWY3MWFiYzQtMTNiNy0zZjhlLThlMDQtOGU3ZGZhMWNmMDZiBHBzdGNhdANwb2xpdGljcwRwdANzdG9yeXBhZ2UEdGVzdAM-;_ylv=0/SIG=12onam33d/EXP=1335186785/**http%3A//www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/indiana-scrotum-horror-769123" id="yui_3_3_0_21_1333977188383313" target="_blank">reports</a>.</div><div id="yui_3_3_0_21_1333977188383199"> The victim told police that his <span class="yshortcuts cs4-ndcor" id="lw_1333740485_1">former girlfriend</span>, <span class="yshortcuts cs4-visible" id="lw_1333740485_0">Christina Reber</span>, stormed into his apartment as he was innocently sitting at his computer. <span class="yshortcuts cs4-ndcor" id="lw_1333740485_2">Reber</span>, who he had severed ties with a few days earlier, first struck him on the head and then grabbed his scrotum and began “squeezing as hard as she could.” Naturally, he told officers that he “was in incredible pain when [she] grabbed his scrotum and began digging in her fingers.”</div><div id="yui_3_3_0_21_1333977188383324"> The police report indicates that the scrotum area was “completely torn loose from his body.” Reber reportedly “refused to let go of his scrotum,” but that the victim was finally able to remove his balls from her vice-like grip.</div><div id="yui_3_3_0_21_1333977188383341"> As if the story isn’t already good enough, the victim, who has not been identified, was taken to BALL MEMORIAL HOSPITAL. As far as we know, the hospital is not only for scrotum-specific injuries.</div><div id="yui_3_3_0_21_1333977188383317"> In an interview two days after the incident, the man told police that after his ex was done breaking his balls, his family jewels are so swollen that he is unable to work, and he isn’t sure if there will be permanent damage.</div><div id="yui_3_3_0_21_1333977188383343"> Reber was charged with two felonies: aggravated battery and illegally entering the victim’s home. She was also charged with a misdemeanor domestic battery.</div><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><strong>Only in Indiana.</strong></span>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-82052230457373712812012-04-06T11:25:00.000-04:002012-04-06T11:25:32.893-04:00BACON!!!! nomnomnomnom<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><strong>Has our LOVE of Bacon gone too far?</strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><strong>I think NOT!</strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><strong>(These are all REAL products.)</strong></span><br />
<br />
<strong>*Warning: None of these products should be used in the actual event of a Zombie Apocalypse*</strong><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><strong>Who's hungry?</strong></span></div>Edhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11425014053974689270noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7378388235950349937.post-66718850894241342822012-04-05T11:43:00.000-04:002012-04-05T11:43:42.133-04:00The Walking Dead: We Miss You Already!<strong><span style="color: blue;">Not quite 2 weeks have passed since the season finale, and already I find myself missing you.</span></strong><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><strong><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">AND, Everybody's FAVORITE for Parent Of The Year.....</span></strong></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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