Monday, October 12, 2009

Mondays are Fundays.........and Memoir Mondays....I guess

No Funnies Today in honor of that Patron Saint of Government Holidays...Chris Columbus.

Without his foresight and determination to seek out and discover lands that were already discovered and occupied, I would be forced to write this post from my usual perch at the VA.

However, since I am part Cherokee, not only do I feel conflicted in my enjoyment of this day off, but I feel the strong need to tell you all to...... "Get off my lands!"

I failed once again to post the Saturday Snippets, partly because I wanted to leave up that important link to Ron's post, but mostly cause I was practicing my stick figures for the Pictionary/Win-Lose-Or-Draw party.

My TEAM won!

Suck it Alison! It's not my fault I got words like Percent (%), Dog, and Earth; while you played with Granny (whose idea of a nut was a circle with a line through it) and Grandma MJ (Alzheimer's......for real....."I forget what I'm drawing").

You lose!

In other news, I almost hit a possum....opossum.......epossum......(How you spell that Kim Duhn?......and don't say D.I.N.N.E.R. again).......while riding the golf cart the other night.

I had to lock up the brakes so hard that Foxy (see dog in About Me pic).....(She's the one wearing brown fur) got thrown onto the floor board.

Did I mention Alison's team lost Pictionary?

Ahhh....YES! Second place is First Loser!

Anyway, so I was talking with Alison's husband, J.T., the other day. (J.T. is my all-time best friend, who I was nice enough to let Alison marry, thereby making him also my brother-in-law.)

You remember him, don't you.

So, he's over in Afghanistan fighting for your country and other important stuff like that, and we're talking about the Funny pages. And he reminds me of some of the other crazy stuff we did when we were younger.

Which leads me to Travis' Memoir Monday thingy.

Here goes:
I had some dirt bikes when I was younger. Before I got my license. One was a Yamaha 100 Enduro. It was a trail & street bike (basically a dirt bike with lights and turn signals)

I also had this girlfriend at the time who was older than me and lived in the next town over. Her parents were real strict, but I was crazy about this chick.

Given her strong love of The Backstreet Boys and a fondness for making out in cemeteries, I'm not exactly sure why, but it must have been because she was older and could drive.

Regardless, on this particular weekend occasion, she was grounded.

Since J.T. happened to be staying all night, I convinced him to sneak out with me and to go see her. As only one dirt bike was working, this meant J.T. would be riding Bitch. He agreed as long as I let him sit extra close and lay his head on my shoulder.

We got my dirt bike all set up outside my window with a full tank of gas, and waited until my parents were asleep. Then we quietly made our way out the window and began pushing the dirt bike over the railroad tracks behind the house and down the street, so as not to wake anyone up when starting it.

About a block from the house, just as I was about to kick start the bike, we noticed headlights coming towards us. Since we were approaching a small crossing over a creek, we immediately jumped off and down into the ravine in an attempt to allude capture. We failed, however, to take the time to contemplate the Laws of Physics, which given the slope of decent, the speed of our entry, the weight of the motorcycle, etc.....well, J.T. more or less got ran over by the motorcycle, but saved it from going into the creek.

However, the driver must have witnessed our haphazard exit, and decided to stop on the bridge to see if we were alive.

They must have sat there for 5 mins, with the driver peering down into the bushes, while J.T. struggled to hold the motorcycle that was lying on his shoulder.....Me, oh, I was doing important stuff like laughing at J.T.

Eventually, the driver leaves, we J.T. heaves the bike back up the hill, and we take off.

We stick to the side streets and go without lights until we get in the country.

Finally, we reach her trailer park neighborhood. She's waiting for me in the little playground area. I reward J.T. for his efforts by letting him ride around on my motorcycle while I handle my bidniz. (<-----that's a total lie. I didn't even get a kiss. WTF)

The moral of my story....Don't attempt something stupid unless you have someone bigger than you to help you pull it off AND keep your back warm on the long ride.

P.S. You Suck at Pictionary, Alison! Ha!


Lee said...

Great moral and oh so true.

Alison said...

JT is a great friend...I bet he took the bike a few blocks over and got some of his own bidniz handled...:)

adrienzgirl said...

Ever notice how EVERY time you would sneak out something ridiculous like that happened? Good thing no one got hurt! :D

Ducky said...

Wow... that was a little spastic. Didya spike the coffee this morning? You lost me about 10 times but I'm tenacious like a pit bull - ya, I can hump good leg too... anyway nice boring story. Got anything better?

Travis said...

I would have fucked that bike up. That's real. This is why it's always good to have a fatty around. Oh. AND YOU'RE LINKED NOW!

Sebastian Anthony said...

I did my bit for Columbus Day too...! And memorialised racism... hooray...

Part Cherokee eh? Cool!

Unknown said...

I was all like ohhh ahhh then i saw your moral and was like uh huh he shoulda called me...i woulda had his back...
hillbilly duhn sent glad she did

Tom Goette said...

Funny post Ed!

I can relate on so many levels! Scary, huh?

Well, the way I see it you can either be technically adept or have the skill to write about your supposed inadequacies in a thoughtful and entertaining fashion. Fortunately for your fans, you skill lies in the latter.

So, how is Alison at Pictionary? LOL!

Moooooog35 said...

I let my buddy from the city once drive my dirt bike with me on the back.

He hit a ditch, I fell off, a speared my junk on a twig. Impaled on a stick, sticking out of my jeans.

I was like moogipop.

You know, if moogipops bled from the crotch.

Jeff said...

ed you were in my reader but not following for some reason, gah.

i need to step up the blogging skills.

Anonymous said...

Columbus was so so lost. He found this place by accident!

Secretia (that's how I found this place, but I'm glad I did)


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