Friday, October 9, 2009

Fridays Funnies.......

I usually don't mention the crazy stuff my kids say and do.....Partly because the wife is protective of our cubs....and I keep hoping she'll put them in her blog......but I had a special request for some kid stuff from Tricia.....(go check her out...she's funny)

So here goes:

I'm changing my little 15 mth old baby girl's diaper the other night. She's kicking her legs like crazy and catches me in the balls......*PAIN*......*NO breathing*....*stomach cramps*......Then, the baby says......"OWIE"...(translation...ouch/that hurts).

I said, "OWIE?! YOU'RE TELLING ME OWIE! That was MY balls you kicked."

Then my 10 year old, who is sitting in the next room says this, "Maybe they hurt her foot?"

That's right baby! Daddy's got balls of steel!

I finally fixed our bed last night. Sadly it's not from what you may think. I do, afterall, have three small kids at home. And I work all day only to come home to those three kids and a very tired/stressed out/lovely wife. Plus, I'm almost 35......and honestly, more and more I just want to relax and watch TV.
No, see this issue is because the frame is cheap. It was spreading apart and letting the mattress & box springs drop. But just on one side, so it was like sleeping on a street in San Fransisco, minus the drag queens.


after having to raise it back up several times, only to have it drop again (or better yet......having the wife walk into the bedroom to go to sleep, while I would be sitting up watching the living room magicstorybox.....and then hear.....BOOM!...followed by my wifes "Ugh!")I finally got out the hammer.

A couple of well placed whacks, and that did it. Then, the first thing I did was say what any man who's just completed a minute task that his wife has been nagging at his lazy butt for weeks to fix but thinks he has just completed the Cistine Chapel says........"There. It's done.".....only I follow mine up with this gem.."TRY it out."

In mid bed PLOP, my wife says, "Why am I always trying stuff out for you?"


See, what you don't, and I didn't, realize is how often I say this to the wife.

Here's a classic example:

Remember I told you we used to live up north on a lake. <----(go there if not)
Well, we had use of a boat up there. It was a really big and old pontoon boat. This was great, because living on a lake without boat access SUCKS. Also, now we were able to motor out to the sandbar about 100 yrds off the beach that everyone parked and partied at. I'm talking 10 or more boats with grills, music, swimming, throwing a ball around, just acting crazy.

So we head out, get to the sandbar, drop anchor, and realize there's no way to get back INTO the boat if we get out. It had no ladder. I mean, yeah, the water on the bar was only 1 to 3 feet deep, as opposed to the lake's normal 15-35 feet deep. But the deck of a pontoon boat sits up off the water pretty high.

Me, being a GENIUS of unsurpassed ability and a former sailor, decide I will make a rope ladder out this old rope that's onboard. So I get to work cutting and knot-tying with my lovely trusting wife looking on.

I made a ladder. It looked like this.

I secured it to the side of boat.

What did I say then?.......That's right!....

"There. It's done. TRY it out!"

My lovely wife began her decent, when my invention did this:

My wife did this:



Did I mention that even though the air temp was in the 80's.....the water temp was maybe 50.

Did I also mention that I worked in a HOSPITAL in the Navy.....AND...... I WASN'T with the rest of the GROUP when they taught KNOT TYING in boot camp.

My Bad.


Tamara Dawn said...

Your poor wife.

My husband is always getting me to smell things. (like if the milk is bad) I never smell things that I am told to smell because I know better!

How cute your baby said "owie" I think it is because she knew what she was doing to you and was waiting for you to say "Ouch!" hehe

Travis said...

I totally called that without looking at the second pic. I think maybe it's because we think a lot alike. This is scary.

Deborah said...

You my dear blogger-friend, have a very nice wife! I won't try out anything for my husband because I think he is setting me up!
Have a good weekend!

Kimberly said...

I'm the one who has hubs do all the trying, smelling, etc..

Your pics however, and seriously my mind is gutter trash today, look like... well, you can imagine what I think they look like.

Carissajaded said...

haha love it. I recently had to "fix" my low to the ground IKEA bed, which involved me stacking up the biggest books I could find and placing them under the pieces of wood that were drooping.

adrienzgirl said...

So, I am sitting on the couch reading this, and is the hubs is sitting on the other end of the couch and he says "What are you doing?"

I reply "Reading Ed's Friday Funnies".

He says, "Um...why are there pictures of a penis on the screen then?"

Nice phallic rope diagram. You are awesome!

Tricia said...

BRAVO! BRAVO!! I expect more in the near future. I'm quite demanding. Just ask my poor boyfriend.

Ron said...

You know that unexplained ability cats have where they can return to a location even though it's 100's of miles away? Kids have a similar instinct for kicking dads in the dads in the balls. They're born with it and retain it well past their teens.

Steel balls? I once knew a guy in the Army with one prosthetic testicle. When everyone in the barracks would get wasted he would pull that thing out and start thumping on it. Used to drive us crazy.

Jay Ferris said...

I'll be sure to request that you tie my noose should it ever come down to it.

Anonymous said...

Nice Blog. Will you visit me at Secret Story Time too?

I'm following you now.


Ducky said...

You so did that on purpose!

Aleta said...

*snort* This was great! I'm visiting from Hillbilly's. Loved this post and the pictures.

Oh and this: "A couple of well placed whacks, and that did it" sorry, mind was in the gutter for a second - you know, bed topic and all. LOL

Unknown said...

hahaha, she must love ya cause she keeps "trying" it out.

great post.


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