Fridays Funnies.......

I usually don't mention the crazy stuff my kids say and do.....Partly because the wife is protective of our cubs....and I keep hoping she'll put them in her blog......but I had a special request for some kid stuff from Tricia.....(go check her out...she's funny)

So here goes:

I'm changing my little 15 mth old baby girl's diaper the other night. She's kicking her legs like crazy and catches me in the balls......*PAIN*......*NO breathing*....*stomach cramps*......Then, the baby says......"OWIE"...(translation...ouch/that hurts).

I said, "OWIE?! YOU'RE TELLING ME OWIE! That was MY balls you kicked."

Then my 10 year old, who is sitting in the next room says this, "Maybe they hurt her foot?"

That's right baby! Daddy's got balls of steel!

I finally fixed our bed last night. Sadly it's not from what you may think. I do, afterall, have three small kids at home. And I work all day only to come home to those three kids and a very tired/stressed out/lovely wife. Plus, I'm almost 35......and honestly, more and more I just want to relax and watch TV.
No, see this issue is because the frame is cheap. It was spreading apart and letting the mattress & box springs drop. But just on one side, so it was like sleeping on a street in San Fransisco, minus the drag queens.

Anyqueer,

after having to raise it back up several times, only to have it drop again (or better yet......having the wife walk into the bedroom to go to sleep, while I would be sitting up watching the living room magicstorybox.....and then hear.....BOOM!...followed by my wifes "Ugh!")I finally got out the hammer.

A couple of well placed whacks, and that did it. Then, the first thing I did was say what any man who's just completed a minute task that his wife has been nagging at his lazy butt for weeks to fix but thinks he has just completed the Cistine Chapel says........"There. It's done.".....only I follow mine up with this gem.."TRY it out."

In mid bed PLOP, my wife says, "Why am I always trying stuff out for you?"

GOLD!

See, what you don't, and I didn't, realize is how often I say this to the wife.

Here's a classic example:

Remember I told you we used to live up north on a lake. <----(go there if not)
Well, we had use of a boat up there. It was a really big and old pontoon boat. This was great, because living on a lake without boat access SUCKS. Also, now we were able to motor out to the sandbar about 100 yrds off the beach that everyone parked and partied at. I'm talking 10 or more boats with grills, music, swimming, throwing a ball around, just acting crazy.

So we head out, get to the sandbar, drop anchor, and realize there's no way to get back INTO the boat if we get out. It had no ladder. I mean, yeah, the water on the bar was only 1 to 3 feet deep, as opposed to the lake's normal 15-35 feet deep. But the deck of a pontoon boat sits up off the water pretty high.

Me, being a GENIUS of unsurpassed ability and a former sailor, decide I will make a rope ladder out this old rope that's onboard. So I get to work cutting and knot-tying with my lovely trusting wife looking on.

I made a ladder. It looked like this.

I secured it to the side of boat.

What did I say then?.......That's right!....

"There. It's done. TRY it out!"

My lovely wife began her decent, when my invention did this:

My wife did this:

SPLASH!

SCREAM!

Did I mention that even though the air temp was in the 80's.....the water temp was maybe 50.

Did I also mention that I worked in a HOSPITAL in the Navy.....AND...... I WASN'T with the rest of the GROUP when they taught KNOT TYING in boot camp.

My Bad.