Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tuesday's Quickies...........

Chasing geese while riding a moped, not my brightest moment. Here's the setup: Several years ago, we lived on a lake in northern Indiana. My wife had taken a teaching position at a high school up there, and I was working as a medical assistant for a local health network. Anyway, on our time off, we liked walking down to the beach with our son (who was probably 2). However, the beach would often become unusable due to overcrapation......That is to say, the Canadian Geese in the area had decided that it made a perfect port-o-let..... It was like sunbathing in a litterbox......Undeturd, we would still go, but always with some kind of scooper, shovel, sand toy, kid's fingers, or plastic baggie for cleanup..... It usually took several enjoyable minutes of each trip to make the beach beachable....It makes me sick now, but we were used to it at the time.
Since the areas full-time residents were mostly older people and we were the only ones using it full-time, we took on the beach cleanup duties. I hate geese. Filthy creatures. Always honking. Kind of like a flying/swimming traffic jam. Always Crapping too. Nasty!
Okay, so I had this scooter I used to ride to the Ortho clinic I worked at on Fridays, cause it was close by. I was leaving for the clinic, while my wife and kid are in the car going somewhere. Wait. Here's the scene:

Okay, so...Here's what happened. You see that blue mark on the gravel road? That's the wife in the minivan. That little red slash beside it is me on the moped. We are at the top of the hill that leads down to the beach. At the bottom, we see an army of geese, marching down the gravel lot, heading to drop butt bombs on the beach battlefield. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I let out a Kamikaze scream and I zoomed down the hill full speed.....I lay on the horn...."BEEP, BEEP, BEEEEEEEEEEEP!"....the geese scatter.......Hooray ME!.......then I see that guardrail approaching rather fast-like....I instinctively squeeze both brakes.........did I mention I was on gravel?....Here's what happens when you stop quickly on gravel.....especially when there's only 2-wheels under you........The moped disappears......It literally was under me one minute, and not the next.....Only thing is...I'm still heading for that Guardrail....But now I'm doing it Superman style....and I forgot my cape........Thank God for Gravity!......F.Y.I....it IS possible to crawl on all fours at 30 mph, but only for a short distance. AND it's not good for knees or hands.


Tongue Trip said...

hehehhehehehee it is so picturesque ouch ouch ouch i bet it still hurts! funny guy, you!

Travis said...

That's funkin gorgeous. Gorgeous. I love the use of the word "undeturd." Also, I like that you found out for me that it is possible to crawl at 30 MPH. You're the unsung hero of the physics researching world.

Ed Adams said...

Thanks! I take my research very seriously.

Tricia said...

You know . . . we have problems with Canadian Geese here, too. I remember when I used to live in Indiana (near Fort Wayne) that we would take trips to local lakes and have that issue.

HAHA!! They are rude and aggressive animals, that's for sure!


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