Friday Funnies......

Probably for the first time in my life, I'm walking out to the parking lot yesterday after work, and I can't remember where I parked. I start looking around and hitting the clicker and thinking, "Maybe it's stolen?".......Yeah, from a FEDERAL parking lot!.....That's fenced in and patrolled!....It was sad.....I should have been wearing a dress.
Finally, I found it. I hung my head in shame, and raised my arm as if to say, "Yes. I'm a woman at the Mall after a long shopping trip.".........However, that's when my genius kicked in.......Car locators built into the keyfob!....Yes!....Like those Brickhouse child locator things in the Energizer Battery commercials.....But instead of finding your lost heathens at the park because you're an irresponsible parent who is too distracted by your romance novel to watch your kids, it would point you towards your car....You know, after shopping at the store and coming out the wrong door and the parking lot is crowded and "Everything looks the same" (in a high-pitched airheady voice).
That would totally be bigger than Velcro and Intermittent Wipers!........Don't even THINK of stealing my stuff!

Last evening, my oldest is showing his graded papers to me and the wife, in some not-so-vague attempt to receive praise and acceptance....One page at a time!..For dramatic effect!...As if he is savoring each, "Good Job, Buddy!" (not his real name)
Finally, there was a break in the action <----read eye-plucking torture.....I make my way to the back of the house, because I had important stuff to do in the can.....Next thing you know, I hear foot steps....Then he's asking me to open the door so he can keep showing me papers!.....I'm thinking, "Dude, you are seriously breaking my DON'T-TALK-TO-ME-THROUGH-THE-DOOR-WHILE-I'M-THROWING-THE-BROWN-TROUT-BACK-INTO-THE-POND Rule!"......But I said, "I'll be out in a minute(<--read hour), can't it wait?" He says,"I'll just slide them under the door.".....Great!.......This goes on for about 3 or 4 papers....back and forth....footsteps through the house....papers arrive under the door....."That's a Great Job!" or "Ooh, Nice one!"..etc,etc...then more footsteps.....Why he didn't bring back more than one at a time, I have no idea........Finally, this GEM.....He slides the paper under the door right as his mom yells for him, and he says this, "I'm walking away now, so don't compliment me until I get back.".......Nice.

I found my wedding ring on the floor (AGAIN) this morning.....That happens ALOT!...I'm actually on ring number 2....Yeah, my wife is super thrilled about that.......I never take my ring off when I'm awake, only in my sleep...................I must be having an affair in my dreams.

Cool Ranch Doritos rock! Almost as much as UNC Basketball! (Travis)

We got rid of our old dining room table and are getting a new one from our church. Broke my youngest boys heart....long story....you can read about it on my wife's blog here, if you want.....Anyway, the boy<----read drama king, was heartbroken.....I was supposed to pick up the new table last night, but it was raining, and I didn't want to get it wet. So we ate dinner on the dining room floor like squatters....This morning, the little guy comes in as I'm getting ready for work and says, "When are we getting our new table?" I said, "New table? What new table?", cause I like stirring the pot.....He says, "The new table mommy said we were getting to replace the old table." ......Because I'm a GREAT dad, I say, "Oh, your mom changed her mind and we're not getting it. We're gonna keep eating on the floor like Japanese people. Won't that be FUN?"........enter tears.......