Wacky Weird News Wednesday

Eating Processed Meat and Red Meat Significantly Raises Risk of Death (Study)

Researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health examined data from more than 110,000 people and found that eating as little as two pieces of bacon or one hot dog a day upped their mortality rate by 20% over a 20-year period. A small, three-ounce serving of red meat a day (about the size of a deck of cards) increased mortality by 13%.

Seems worth it.

Mmmmmmm....bacon.....nom nom nom nom nom

L.A. Little League’s season was saved by charitable strip club, until officials decided to return donation

A Los Angeles Little League on the verge of ceasing operations because of rising costs and declining revenue was bailed out just before the start of the 2012 season by the least likely of all benefactors -- a strip club -- only to decide to return the donation after receiving national attention.

Seriously?!

Come on! What better use for money from a place like that?

They weren't even asking for recognition or the kids to wear their logo. It was a "no-strings" donation!

Or was it a "G-strings" donation?

Discovery Terminates Relationship With 'Man vs. Wild' Star Bear Grylls

I bet it was due to his chronic halitosis.

You know, from eating gross shit and drinking his own piss.

Chasing cell phone, U.S. teen gets stuck in trash chute

A suburban U.S. teenager had to be rescued from an apartment complex trash chute after accidentally throwing away her cell phone and getting stuck when she tried to retrieve it, police said.

19! That hardly qualifies as a "teenager".

She HAD to be blonde!

Amish youth charged with drinking after buggy crashes police car

Four Amish youths were charged with underage drinking after they crashed their horse-drawn buggy into a police cruiser in upstate New York, authorities said on Monday. Police were dispatched to the town of Sherman on Sunday night in response to complaints about Amish youths drinking and drag racing their horse and carriages on the road.

WTF!

Since when does racing Amish buggies qualify as "drag" racing?

Seems they were a little low on horsepower.

Worst getaway car EVAH!

Lastly....

It's old.....but it STILL cracks me up.

10 Funniest Comedians - And Some Overrated Comics

As I mentioned, I have been listening and watching a lot of standup comedy the last couple of months.

It takes a lot to make me actually Laugh Out Loud.

Probably from years of over-exposure to all things funny, but usually I just smile and say, “That’s funny” or something.

That whole “I’m laughing on the inside” thing.

But when I do laugh, you KNOW it’s funny stuff.

Here are some recommendations:

Funniest Standup Comics
1.   Jim Gaffigan – “Hot Pockets!”…He’s from Indiana, so he gets extra credit for that. Seriously though, he rarely fails to make me laugh.
2.   Russell Peters – American comic of Indian Heritage…This guy does racial material better than anybody else, including Chris Rock. Hilarious! Think Carlos Mencia, only Indian, smarter, funnier, and writes his own stuff instead of stealing material like Mencia.
3.   Mitch Hedberg – Brilliant comic with awkward style/delivery. I wish I would have heard of him sooner, but sadly, this guy died a few years ago of a drug overdose. His stuff is still out there and definitely worth a listen.
4.   Daniel Tosh – Yes, he’s offensive and can be a dick. But he’s only saying what everyone else wants to say, which is why he is so funny.
5.   Demetri Martin- Some people don’t like this guy, probably because his material goes over their head, but I have always found his humor smart and funny.
6.   Mike Birbiglia – Check out his specials.
7.   Rodney Carrington – Probably the funniest “southern” comic working today.
8.   Dave Chappelle – Funniest Black Comedian working today. I remember when he first started out and nobody knew who he was. I still remember thinking, that guy is going to be Big Time someday.
9.    John Pinette – Funniest Fat Comedian working. The rest are still in line at the buffet.
10.  Maria Bamford – Probably the funniest Female comedian today. Think Ellen Degeneres in her prime, minus the lesbo side.

I know this list isn’t complete, and there are probably several I am missing, but these were the first that came to mind, which says a lot.

My Favorite Classic Comedians
1.     Rodney Dangerfield – The Grandfather
2.     Robin Williams – ADHD personified
3.     Richard Pryor – Best Black Comedian EVAH
4.     Eddie Murphy – Pryor Protege
5.     Bill Cosby – Excellent clean standup
6.     Bernie Mac - R.I.P.

Of the ones that are still alive, they rarely do standup anymore.

And now, here are some popular comics that I find thoroughly UNFUNNY!

These guys are grossly over-rated.

Most are needlessly vulgar and lack real talent, but for some reason people still love them.

The ALL-Time Worst/Unfunny Comedian List
1.   Dane Cook
2.   Dennis Leary
3.   Sam Kinnison
4.   Paula Poundstone
5.   Greg Giraldo
6.   Lisa Lampinelli

This list is by no means complete either.

Well, there you have it. Those are strictly my opinions. Check them out and decide for yourself whether you agree with me or not.

Also, if you have a recommendation for someone missing from one of the above lists, leave it in the comments for us to discuss.

"Has It Been A Month Already?"

I hate these posts.

You know the ones, "Sorry I haven't posted in a month but I have been busy doing this, this, and this (aka, Real Life Happens)" posts.

Most of the time people don't care.

Probably, they just didn't even notice your absence.

Whatever...

Between work and Firefighter training, I've had very little free time.

When I did have some, it was usually divided between my wife & kids, or taking care of stuff after my mom died.

I can NOT believe all the SHIT you have to do after someone dies.

Cleaning out their house, getting rid of stuff, notifying banks and insurance and creditors, turning off utilities, picking out headstones, forwarding mail, filing paperwork at courthouses & DMVs.

Stuff you never even think about.

Thank God mom had insurance to cover her burial. But even THAT has been a nightmare to deal with. Numerous phone calls and emails and overnight paperwork shipping. Ugh!

Honestly, after all that....I've had a hard time finding my funny again.

Lately, I've been listening to lots of standup. I guess trying to get it back.

For awhile, I considered just giving up on writing anymore blog posts or standup of my own.

It just seemed unimportant.

My online activity has been limited to reading a few blogs, posting some funny pics on Facebook, and watching movies in the evening.

I think I am finally starting to turn the corner though. I have been thinking a lot lately, and some of it's funny.

Or I'll think, "That would make great standup material" or "That would be good for a blog post."

So, who knows....I might be making a comeback.

Stay tuned.