“Nice Try!”
Your response when your kid strikes out in coaches’ pitch = Acceptable
Your response to the giver of a horribly lame Christmas gift = Unacceptable, but funny
“Would you like those in a cup or a cone?”
Question asked when ordering ice cream = Acceptable
Question asked when helping Madonna decide how to cover her breasts on stage = Also Acceptable
“What’s that smell?”
Heard while working in a mortuary = Acceptable
Heard while in bed with spouse = Not so much
“Someday maybe.”
Your response to your kid asking when they’ll be able to drive = Acceptable.
Your response to your kid asking when they’ll be able to eat = Sad, just sad.
“I’m pregnant!”
Said by your wife = Acceptable
Said by your teenage daughter = Dead teenage boyfriend
Said by your teenage wife who also happens to be your daughter = You live in Kentucky
“It’s all backed up.”
When talking about your commute to work = Acceptable
When talking about your bowels at work = TMI
“I got this especially for you.”
When giving someone a Christmas gift = Acceptable
When giving someone an STD = FAIL
“Does this look good on me?”
When trying on new clothes = Acceptable
When trying on a chicken suit = Awkward
“This is Uncle Earl.”
When introducing a man at your family reunion = Acceptable
When introducing a woman at your family reunion = Awkward
“Man that’s HUGE!”
When looking at your new TV = Acceptable
When looking at your wife’s ass = Fight
“That’s a cool mustache!”
Said to guy at work = Acceptable
Said to girl at prom = Tears
“Do you need a ride home?”
Said to a hitchhiker = Acceptable
Said to a Girl Scout = Jail
36 comments:
well that is just fucking awesome.
Just don't take that hitch hiker to a rest stop...you know what happens at rest stops...don't you? hehe
You managed to incorporate Madonna's breasts, a mortuary, gas(dutch oven), teenage pregnancy, STDs, a chicken suit, your wife's ass, family reunions, prom, hitchhikers and Kentucky in one post.
Nice! WIN!
That was awesome
After your blog= acceptable
After sex= even better
After a funeral= insensitive jerk.
Man that's huge is also acceptable when your date pulls down their pants or takes off their shoes.
More specifically..."I got this especially for you" when you're giving someone a hooker who has an STD for Christmas. Unacceptable. Keep em clean!
Love this post!
most excellent stuff
and now that you asked, yes. i'm pregnant.
I wonder if I should leave you a crazy ass comment like you left me?
My vegetables like shampoo in the sewer pond where North Carolina coach Roy Williams shaves butter beans in Tuesday.
There.
Okay, I have been sitting here staring at the blank comment box trying to come up with something other than, "that's funny." But WTF? It IS funny.
I think there is an asterisks to go with one of these. I think it should read like this..
“I got this especially for you.”
When giving someone a Christmas gift = Acceptable
When giving someone* an STD = FAIL
*Unless that someone is someone you just found out has been cheating on you. Then it's the perfect revenge.
yeah...what ginger said.
GingerMandy: Well, effing Thanks!
Cheesecake: Probably not as well as you do. Hahahahahaha.
adrienzgirl: Thanks for recognizing my skillz!
mepsipax: Your comment = Awesome.
The Queen: I'm pretty sure your comment only works when talking to a female. Or a gay. So what are you trying to say?!?!Hey that ryhmes.
carissajaded: Best part about a present like that, it keeps on giving long after Christmas is over.
justsomethoughts: :O ...Is it mine?
Travis: Comment = FAIL
Nice Try!
Arizona Momma: That's a completely ACCEPTABLE response. Thanks.
ScoMan: How did I miss that? Thanks for the save.
Dual Mom: Thanks.
How did you know my prom date?
LOL!
You are a slut to your friend: acceptable and funny
you are a slut to your boss:
fired.
just saying
I suspect that last one was learned through personal experience...
Mooooog: EVERYBODY knew your prom date, if you know what I mean. Well, everybody but you.
HB Duhn: THX. Hey Duhn, I still can't comment on your blog from work. Fix that, will ya.
MODG: Or Promotion. Just depends on the boss.
Lily: You been taking to my probation officer again?
I'm gonna need more of these lists from you, Ed.
Fouly: Anything for you, Sal. I might even have a spare kidney lying around here somewhere, if you need it.
Well, if that's the case, then I'm going to get myself an i.v. of beer for Christmas.
I have a whole schlew (is that a word? NO? it is now....) of these you could use. I say YOU because if I did them I'd likely lose followers.....
Love this post!
"= You live in KY." - It's funny because it's true!
I'm sending my non-blogger friends/readers to this post. (You know that non-bloggers who comment are The Holy Grail of the Blogosphere, right?)
I live in TN, so I barely escaped the KY joke. *whew*
This has nothing to do with your post...
I was just going to say something mock-grumpy, because since you've been visiting my blog you've been just saying random grumpy things. But then I saw your profile pic and that Shiba Inu. And now I can't think of anything grumpy to say. I love those dogs.
Oh wait, I've got something grumpy.
BAH. There.
I don't think that, technically, you'd have to introduce your Uncle Earl at the family reunion. Odds are most everyone there knows or has known him... biblically.
Ok my family is trying to move to Kentucky because we hear it's cheap and full of wide open spaces. Maybe we should stay with our first pick of Florida.
Thanks for the laughs. Mind if I follow??
May
check us out sometime
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