My Family: I Can't Take These People ANYWHERE!

A relative of my daughter's preschool teacher recently opened a restaurant in our area, and we had been meaning to stop in and try it.

And since we hate to cook and were out by there, we stopped in.

What the HELL is a "bistro"?

Sounds like some kind of commie French place where stuffed shirts sit around drinking fancy coffee and eating croissants and discussing their hatred of Western Capitalism.

Definitely not the usual type of place for this area.

See, my family is more of the McDonald's, Arby's, Bob Evans, Cracker Barrel, Steak-n-Shake, Long John's, Pizza Hut, Papa John's, Chinese Buffet-type of connoiseurs.

Once in a blue moon, we'll go "fancy" and hit the Applebee's.

That's high-falutin' for our area.

So needless to say, as soon as we hit the door, we had some reservations.

Actually, we wondered if we should have made some reservations first.

My lovely wife, the tightwad, said "This looks expensive."

My kids asked, "Is this a museum?"

I wondered if kids were even allowed in a place like this. 

I saw this and thought, "Oh shit! Square plates! I hope I brought enough cash."

Within seconds of being seated, my daughter had thrown her silverware on the floor.

My oldest son spilled pepper all over the table. He was confused by the combo salt and pepper-grinder\shaker they had on the table. I showed him how the salt shakes out of the top, and by turning the top (like he had just done) it will cause freshly ground pepper to pour out the bottom.

My youngest son practically spilled his water looking to see if his eyes were playing tricks on him because, "It looks like the hole goes all the way through the bottom of the glass."

It's funny how being in a nice place instantly causes you to be concerned with stuff like table manners.

We found ourselves instructing our little animals on such things as: "GET YOUR ELBOWS OFF THE TABLE!" and "STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR SILVERWARE\THE SALT&PEPPER SHAKER\YOUR FOOD\ETC.!" and "SIT ON YOUR BUTT THE RIGHT WAY IN THAT CHAIR!" and finally, "PUT YOUR NAPKIN IN YOUR LAP."

That last one was my wife to the 8yr old, who kept covering up with his napkin.

It went like this:

Wife: "Place your napkin in your lap."

8 yr/old: "Where is my napkin?"

Wife: "You're covering up with it."

8 yr/old: "THAT'S NOT A NAPKIN! It's CLOTHE! It's soft like a blanket!"

Seems the lack of paper napkins confused him.

I felt like I was with the Beverly Hillbillies.

I half expected one of them to ask the waitress, "Ya'll have a concrete pond out back?"

Then came time to order. Unable to find exactly what the prices were on the menus, my wife ordered a salad, and I ordered a burger. The kids got something from the "kids menu" the waitress brought.

My wife's salad came and looked something like this:

She said it was excellent.

I couldn't find a picture of my burger, but it was similar to this. Just imagine it on a bun with fresh condiments.

It was wonderful.

We were really impressed with the fancy presentation of everything, and the kids even loved their food.

Evidently the guy running the place is a classically trained chef.

"No kids, the white coat does not mean he's a doctor."

I held my breathe as the check came.....

The total was $33 and some change.

Unbelievable for the quality!

Not to mention, for feeding a family of FIVE!

Hell, we spend almost that much at McDonald's!

I told my wife, "It's big city food, at a small town price."

Still, I think we'll leave the kids at home next time.