I'm The World's Best Dad & Being A Prick Runs In Some Families

I may not win Parent of The Year this year, but that’s okay because I already have several, AND I have a better reason than Reggie Bush for forfeiting the prize.

It all started with good intentions….I was TRYING to do the right thing, parental-wise.

I came home yesterday, and the wife says, “Max, tell your dad about the kid that was bullying you at tennis practice and see what he thinks.”

Of course, my oldest refuses at first…..He probably figured HE would get in trouble, as I’m a big ogre.

I asked him if this kid was the reason he didn’t want to go to practice earlier. (I assumed it was because he wanted to spend his after school time playing Wii, and told him there was no Wii if he didn’t go to Tennis practice.)

He said no, and that I was right when I guessed it was video games.

Then he told me that this kid is always mean and says hurtful things to him. Like he hates my kid, or he was going to break off his arm and feed it to him like a chicken wing, and other threatening stuff.

I asked him how old this kid is. He tells me he is older, maybe 7th grade. He also says that this kid is ALWAYS in trouble and the coach makes him run laps every practice.

I asked my son what he does when the kid says stuff, and he tells me he usually doesn’t say anything.
Sometimes, he just laughs at the kid’s threats, which only brings more of them.

Max: “I think me laughing at him makes him madder. But I can’t help it. Sometimes the stuff he says is funny.”

I maul this over for a few hours.

I’m not used to MY kids being bullied. Everybody loves my kids. Seriously, I’m not bragging. They’re smart, cute/handsome, funny, well-mannered, and popular. And people don’t know them well enough to know better.

Later, my wife tells that when this kid’s dad came to pick him up, he pulled in front of all the other parents waiting in line to pick their kids up, even using the wrong side of the road, like he owned the place.

THEN, she tells me he was driving a BMW Z4.

HOLD THE PHONE!

I remember an encounter I had with this same parent a few weeks ago.

I was coming to pick Max up, and was using my Father-in-Law’s Avalanche.

Here’s an illustration:

I pulled up to wait for get my kid.

Then this A-hole pulls up, coming the other way, and gets his kid. Then he heads straight toward me, in the MIDDLE of the road, and STOPS. He just sits there, and WAITS.

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!

Like I’m in HIS way.

He doesn’t try to go around. He doesn’t try to backup, even though his distance to backup would be less than mine.

He just sits there and waits for ME to move, looking all pissed.

I’m like “WTF!” ……..I’m getting pissed…….About this time, I see my kid coming out of the courts and looking around.

Dude still hasn’t moved. But I don’t have time for this arrogant asshole. I’m in a four-wheel drive, so I drive up on the CURB (so the entire passenger side of my vehicle is in the grass) to go around this dickhead. As soon as it’s clear, he guns his car.

Flashback to today:

I tell Max, “You know, the reason kids pick on other kids is to make themselves feel better. He probably isn’t happy with himself. He probably doesn’t have a happy home life. Maybe his parents don’t love him. He feels better when he makes everyone else as miserable as he is. Or he is just a jerk. Regardless, I don’t want you getting picked on. A lot of times, bullies will continue to bully someone until that someone stands up to them. Next time he says something, just get in his face and tell him to shut his mouth.”

Max: “I can’t tell him to shut up, or I’LL have to run laps.”

Me: “Then tell the coach what he’s saying. If the coach doesn’t do anything, then you get in the kids face after practice and tell him to shut it.”

Max: “What if he doesn’t back down?”

Me: “Then you punch him in the nose as hard as you can.”

I’m an AWESOME dad!

Now I’m wishing I would have gotten out of the Avalanche and punched that little jerk’s dad in the nose.

Too bad the seasons over Monday.