Math Is Something Nerds Invented Because They Couldn't Get Dates

Math sucks.

I’ve said that before, but it’s worth repeating.

But, only if you calculate it’s worth using Math.

Hahahaha

Seriously, it’s just stupid.

School Math classes were the worst.

They tried to ruin my sleeping-in-class schedule with that crap.

I mean, anything beyond basic Math was a total waste of time.

Why would I want to waste my time adding “imaginary numbers”, when I could have been adding “imaginary ladies”?

1 girl + 1 girl = a party

Honestly, how often in your daily life do you have to figure out the square root of pie inside an obtuse triangle using only x and y?

You can tell from that question I still managed to beat the system and get some sleep in.

Even the names of Math classes were stupid.

Calculus
Sounds like its saying, “Buy a calculator and skip this class, Genius.”

Trigonometry
This sounds a lot like Nigerometry, so it’s clearly racist and meant to be taught in only the south.

Geometry
Every time I see that one, I think of those Geo Metro cars.
Remember what a piece of shit those things were?
So this is really “piece of shit” math.

Algebra
I actually like this one, but only cause it ends with “Bra”.

Back to my original idea…And yes I had one…....Percentages!

Percentages are something that was taught in basic Math. AND something that is occasionally used everyday in the real world, unlike that other crap.

Except, some people still fudge them up.

I got in trouble recently with my supervisor when she sent out an email outlining our collections for the month. She had broken them down into what percent of the total each department had contributed.

Usually, I delete crap like that.

But the numbers caught my eye.

Dept #1 = 78%
Dept#2 = 34%

*blink, blink*

I fired off a reply all asking if it was just me, or some of that new fuzzy Math they teach the kids in school nowadays, but when does 78% + 34% = 100%.

She was not pleased, and went on to explain some long drawn out process for determining the numbers and blah blah blah…at that point I stopped reading and imagined Charlie Brown’s teacher wonk wonk wonking away.

Then today, I logged on and was informed by the evil genius that lives inside the black box label “Dell” on my desk, that the shockwave player needed updating.

I clicked yes and proceeded to watch it update…processing from 0% all the way up to 154%!

It must have been using the same percentage Math as my supervisor.

When did going over 100% in actual stuff, not stuff based on a projected amount, but the actual stuff become acceptable?

Percentages are like pie. Cut it in 4 pieces, and each piece is 25% of the whole.

Eat a piece and you have 75% left......Eat two and you have 50% left......Eat the whole pie and you are a fat bastard.

But it’s based on the total being 100%!

Yes, we’ve all heard coaches say, “Give me 110%!”, but that is just for motivational purposes.

Plus, when was the last time you saw a coach who was also the math teacher?
(Chess team coach doesn’t count, and not just because having a coach for the chess team is moronic.)

Seriously, those guys normally teach PE or Drivers Ed. Their only Math skills involve counting cones.

Okay, I’ll stop now. This post is like 11000% too long anyway.