Monday, April 26, 2010

Memoir Monday: It's Amazing I Can Still Count To 10

Memoir Monday

This is for Travis, because Ian has been stealing all his hoes. And everybody knows, just like that saying goes, bros before hoes. YEAH! I am a sweet rhymerer.

Ever had your finger caught between the chain and sprocket of a bicycle?

I have.


I’ve always been a bit of an overachiever.

Luckily, it wasn’t the same finger.

But one of the unfortunate nubs that had already received more than its share of trauma.

When I was 5, I nearly lost the tip of my ring finger on my left hand.

I blame my middle sister for this.

She was kind of a brat.......Still is (love ya, Heather).

Anyway, it was Christmas Eve. Me and my two older sisters were at my grandparents house alone.

My oldest sister was 15, and had been irresponsibly left in charge of us.

The rest of my family was at the hospital because my grandfather was dying of lung cancer.

We were hanging out, being kids, and doing typical kid stuff.

I was sitting on a foot stool that had folding metal legs.

The “brat” decided she would kick me off the foot stool so she could put her feet there.

Stubbornly, I held on to the sides.

After I toppled over, I realized that my hand was stuck in the legs that had folded up, scissor style. Once my hand was freed, it was discovered that the tip of my finger was only attached by a tiny piece of skin.

After my uncle made his way down the ice covered street and took me to the hospital, it was reattached with many stitches.

Fast forward a few years. I think I was 9. I was working on my BMX bike, and BAM!

I got the same finger pinched between the chain and sprocket.

More stitches and it was back to its normal disfigured self.

About 2 years later, I was working on a different BMX bike ,and being careful to avoid getting my left ring finger anywhere near the chain/sprocket area, when all of a sudden…..BAM!

My first thought was, “Not again!”

Thankfully, it was the middle finger on my right hand. If it had been my left ring finger, they surely would have had to written it off as a loss and I would have been sporting a left ring nub.

The middle finger on my right hand was tougher though, so it only required a few butterflies, as well as a stern lecture from the physician about the dangers of chain/sprocket repair.

I could have used that speech a few years prior, Dr. Obvious.

AND, the only time I cried was the very last time. I think this wasn't so much because of the pain, but because of the realization of my stupidity.

Moral of the story, never attempt bike repair without proper protection.

Like a thimble.

Or some of those finger condoms they sell.

Or take it to a bike shop, if you’re one of those “made-of-money” types who value their fingers.


Jenn said...

I've broken the same bones in the same ankle/heel twice. I was sure that I was never healed from the first time when the second time happened, but they were two totally different injuries.

Also, I was in the emergency medical field for several years and the only time I ever passed out from seeing something, it was when an ER Doctor was stitching some lady's finger. There was no blood, but the sight of the actual stitching...KKAAAAA(f'ing)BAAAAAM! Face first in the middle of the ER I went.

When I read about your stitches, I started to feel a little queezy. No good.

Pat said...

Do you think the whole injuries to the "ring finger" on the left hand is a subconscious gesture of not wanting to put a wedding ring on it? Just wondering. I agree with you. If it happened a third time to that same finger, you should have just lobbed it off because obviously you're the type of person who can't handle 10 fingers. Just saying.

Travis said...

Dude. I want a damn finger condom.

But yeah, I don't think I've ever repaired a chain. Shit, I'll just buy a new bike, or just not exercise.

I think we see which direction I went.

Momma Fargo said...

Nice...finger condom. Thimbles work nice...NOT! Who knew bikes were so dangerous back then?

And I am one of those hoes...I did both monday thingys...two weeks in a row. Can't you give a tramp a break?

kate sweeten said...

I think I'm with Travis on this one...this is why you just don't exercise.

Coffeypot said...

Man, I have had my fingers pinched, and jammed in moving bike parts so many times, that it got to where, when a chain came off or a wheel got knocked of balance, I would just stomp on my fingers before stating just to save time. Damn that was a long sentence. If you ever need to have skin scrapped off your finger, just stick it between the spokes of a moving wheel and getting your finger stuck between the wheel and the finder bar.

Moooooog35 said...

Well..that's what you get for wanting to exercise and shit.

The more you know.

Cassie said...

They sell finger condoms? Now you tell me....

Anonymous said...

Aww finger condoms. You could probably get double duty out of those, Eddie!

Ducky said...

What?! You got your finger caught between your legs? DUDE...I'm pretty sure that isn't the hole you're suppose to stick it in.

Getting dropped on your head really did a number on ya, didn't it?!?

poor kid....

Those aren't finger condoms btw...I think they were made for guys like Mooog

Anonymous said...

LMAO @ Daffy's comment! She is freakin hilarious, isnt she?

Seriously there's no way in hell I could top that...

Dame Nuisance said...

So that's how your dream career of being a hand model came to a screeching end! On the bright side, at least when you flip someone off, your middle finger looks like it means business, Ed.

carissa said...

HAHAHA I'm laughing at your post and then also at daffy's comment.. But really, are finger condoms real? I'm pretty daft myself because I'm considering it.. But I'm weird about germs and I think I would have felt a lot better about some of my sexual conquests if greasy teenagers had been wearin.. nevermind. But I don't think you're that stupid ed. At least it was something you couldn't really help. At least you didn't get your head stuck between the bars on the dock of the alligator plank at the zoo. I thought I was either going to have to get my head cut off, or it was going to be eaten off...

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

I'm guessing your middle finger was probably tougher due to all the "exercise" it gets on the road when all those little old ladies keep passing you...


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