Thursday, February 11, 2010

Walmart Hates Terrorists, Gangsters, and Little People.

I went to Walmart yesterday after work.

Wife sent me a text, “Get Coke, Diet Coke, Diapers, Your Wife’s Sanity, TP”.

You can tell by that text that we’ve had 2 school snow days this week.

I’m really surprised no one was murdered at my house.

(kidding CPS people)

As I was walking into Walmart, I saw something I hadn’t noticed before.

They added a little sign above the cart door.

Instantly, I thought, “I am taking a picture of that on my way out.”

I figured I could do something with it.

Guess what.

I forgot to take a pic on my way out.

But not completely, because I did remember once I was back in my truck.

So I pulled right up in front of the door, rolled down my passenger side tented window, and held up my new black camera phone.

It was at about that point when I realized, “This doesn’t look so good.”

And judging by the looks on pedestrians and shoppers faces, they felt the same way.

Some were ducking.

A few ran away.

A couple just stared at me in complete shock.

I think they thought I was some Al-Quedaist who was plotting out a new airplane landing spot.

Or maybe I was like the only white Blood/Crip, and fixing to do a drive by.

Regardless…I figured I would skip the photo before the cops were called and just draw it with Paint.

So back to the sign…


I never noticed that sign before.

Who is that there for?

Are dwarves using the cart access door as their own personal party entrance?

I mean, this store is open 24 hours, so it’s not like they are trying to keep people from sneaking in that way.

And I am pretty sure the sign is fairly new, which can only mean that it was put up because someone wouldn’t follow the normal entry/exit procedures.

It was probably that damn Travelocity Gnome. He’s always causing trouble.

Given that the door is barely high enough for the shopping carts to fit under, I’m not sure who else it could be meant for.

Mooooog maybe?



Going Like Sixty said...

Oh yeah, Moooooog would be all over trying to use this as an entrance.
I'm sure you just gave him an idea.

Sally-Sal said...

I saw someone's bastard kid try to ram a shopping cart into someone the last time I went to wal-mart.

Later, on that same wal-mart fiasco, that same bastard kid tried running away from his mom through that very exit.

It was icy, and he slipped, fell, and had himself a concrete k.o.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I think the phrase "fixing to do a drive by" alone is proof that you're not fixing to do a drive-by.

Anonymous said...

I think this one's fairly obvious, Ed. I mean this is WAL MART. People there aren't the highest echelon of the intelligence community. Get them multi tasking like say, pushing a cart AND walking at the same time and they get confused and can't remember what the hell they're supposed to do. Slide through the tiny dwarf door? Maybe. You just never know. If you do choose that route make sure you lie really flat else you'll damage your skull. Uh...I've been told.

Tony said...

Maybe during the holidays, there were a bunch of impatient people who decided to crawl under that? That's my theory. Either that or there are thieving midgets in your neighborhood.

Unknown said...

That entrance is for the people that shop at Walmart who support child labour in third world countries that churn out all the goods that is sold at Walmart.

Lee said...

Now see, I thought the sign was for never follow the rules. By they much is sanity at walmart?? I need to pick some up.

SurferWife said...

So wait. You're saying that you're NOT a terrorist?

Ducky said...

Maybe it's for the Google Widget Midgets that like to screw with our settings and stuff....

Or it could be for moooog...


Santa's Elves.....yeah. Maybe its for Santa's Elves

The Office Scribe said...

Who has two thumbs and has entered a store via the cart door?

(((This Chick!)))

Hey, when you are bored in high school and the Meijer's in town is open 24/7, you end up doing some wacky things to pass the time.

Hmm, there might be a blog post in there somewhere.

Ireland said...

I remember back in middle school me and my totally "gangsta" 12-year-old buddies would actually go up to Wal-Mart, wait til no one was loooking, and go through the little cart entrance. We thought we were being so hardcore, because that sign has been at our Wal-Mart for years. We were never caught. ^_^

ScoMan said...

You should move the sign.

If I was a teenager, I would totally be stealing the sign and hanging it above my ass. And then making that my Facebook pic. Because I am the king of original.

Momma Fargo said...

Running free children...small size...probably got stuck in there. LOL. You made me giggle. Thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

if someone is trying to use that as an entrance, its also highly likely that they cannot read

supahmommy- somethin's wrong with that girl said...

I heard they ran out of sanity and milk in some stores. :)


Ed said... That's probably his regular entrance. Well, beside the backdoor. ZING!

Sally-Sal: Ha! That's what that little bastard gets.

Steamy: You're always so "technical", aren't ya?

Veggie Killer: Maybe a "Low Clearance" sign would be more appropriate.

Tony: I think both senerios you presented are highly plausible.

WannabeVirginia W: Let's not forget that I was shopping there too. But yeah, everybody else is a commie.

Lee: I probably would have tried it if there hadn't been so many carts blocking the way. Unfortunately, the were fresh out of sanity.

Surferwife: Relax. I never actually said I wasn't.

Daffy: Like Tony's, these too are all highly plausible.

The Office Scribe: For some reason, this totally doesn't surprise me. And, you should definitely post about it.

Ireland: According to my wife, that sign has been up at our Walmart since they added the cart door several years ago. She's such a stickler for facts.

ScoMan: If i was a teenager, I would have totally done that. Now, I am more inclined to have some underwear screen printed with that slogan on the bum.

Momma Fargo: That's what Wal-Mart wants you to believe. I still think they hate midgets. Thanks though.

Jeff: Excellent observation!

Supah: They did. Because of the snow storm and all.

Moooooog35 said...

You know...I was waiting for it and waiting for it and then BAM there it was.

But yeah..I totally use it as an entrance.

Jealousy, Ed...not becoming of you.

Laurie said...


I admit it.

It was me. I got drunk, tried to do the limbo and knocked myself out on the concrete.

Totally retired on the profits.


Phillipia said...

Sometimes I am in a hurry and there are too many slow old people trying to get in the the other doors and I just cannot stand being behind their behinds any longer and I just duck and run...and sometimes I make it...

Anonymous said...

That sign has ALWAYS been at our WalMart.

Tgoette said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tgoette said...

Yes, I use that door. But only on the way out. It just so happens that it is the only door that doesn't go "BING" when I leave with my...uhhmmm...purchases.

Hey, don't blame me, blame the economy! I'm just a innocent victim with an armful of dvd's.

Kimberly said...

LMAO!! You know, I've looked at the cart entrance and thought, I wonder what they would think if I entered there? But, never had the balls to actually do it. I see from the above comments tho others have. I must be a sissy.

And I'm inclined to ask as well, did you find sanity there? which aisle was it in and how much did it cost? I would surely like to go purchase some and fast!

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

Ok....first I was reading this post thinking, "Damn. Ed has lost his stuff....the only funny part was the text from his wife." And then said Mooog and I laughed my ass off. And for some reason I imagine this is not the first time Mooog tried to enter the wrong door and was told it was exit only...........

(OK...totally lying. The whole thing was funny, but I didn't want to tell you that cuz I don't like it when you get too big for your britches.)

The Only Girl said...

I've seen some of those "People from Walmart" pictures - most of those people would definitely require this kind of help determining the entrance.

Anonymous said...

Those people totally thought they were going to end up on Oh, and I bet at least one of them would have been worthy too.

carissa said...

I was going to comment about the people thinking they were going to end up on People of Walmart, but everyone else already did that....But the Mooooog part was quite funny also...


it is against store policy to take pictures at walmart

signed - the woman who knows someone who was almost arrested for taking pictures at walmart during a scavenger hunt

Phillipia said...

It is only illegal if you get caught:) If you do not get caught you probably win the scavenger hunt - but I wouln't know...

Hissyfits & Halos said...

Am I the only one that noticed that you can't determine the difference between two and three foot??? I thought that was just a woman thing. ;)

June said...

Boob shot on my post yesterday and again today... and you didn't even visit? WTH?

Don't you boys just gravitate to that kinda shit naturally?

Ed said...

Moooooog35: But it looks so good with my green pumps.

Laurie: Is your name Scott? (see update)

Phillips: Be careful! (see update)

The Blue Zoo: Sure it has, but that's only because you live in the Land of The Lollipop Gild.

Tgoette: You must be from New Orleans, cause I'm pretty sure I saw you on TV after Katrina hit.

HillBilly Duhn: They were out of sanity in my wife's size (extra crazy).

P.O.S.: That's right. Bow before my funny!

The Only Girl: That site is genius. The people on it are not.

hotpants: See above response.

carissa: Thanks. It would have been funnier if he was actually still allowed in Walmart. Something about being required to keep a certain distance away from children or something.

SFTC: That's not true. I have a bunch of pictures of women changing in the dressing rooms at Walmart.

Phillipia: See above response. I'm pretty sure your picture is there somewhere.

HissyHalos: I could have gotten a more accurate measurement to determine whether it was 2 or 3 feet, but they have laws about unzipping pants in public.Hahahaha

June: Dissappointing. Like my spelling.


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