Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Love Is In The Air.....Or Maybe It's Cows Again.

Hey, it’s almost Valentine’s Day.

So, unless you are in a relationship, work for Hallmark, or are a Florist/Chocolateer/Jeweler, it’s probably about as happy an occasion as your Aunt Kate’s funeral.

Unless you hated Aunt Kate, in which case you were happy, and that metaphor makes no sense.

For the record, I love all people.

No, the Niceness Challenge wasn’t continued.

I still have plenty of unlove to go around.

But I just wanted to clarify that I truly hate NO ONE.

Sure, I make fun of lots of people (i.e. Mormons, Mexicans, Gays, Extremely Fat People, Retards, Atheists, Muslims, People Not As Cool As Me, People Not Named Ed, People Not Me, etc..), but that’s all just for laughs.

You might say picking on these groups is too easy.

Well, I’m lazy.

AND I like things that are easy.

That includes your Mom/Sister/Wife.


The reason I am telling you this is because someone commented that they thought I hated Jews, among others.

That is NOT the case.

I love Jews.

I even worship one. (I’m not talking about Jerry Seinfeld or Adam Sandler here.)

I have several bloggie buddy’s who are Jews. (Isn’t that what racists usually say? “I have SEVERAL black friends!” Which everybody knows means that they passed a black person on the street and said “Hi!” without running away.)

Seriously though, without Jews, there would have been no Schindler’s List for Liam Neeson to star in.

So let that be a lesson to you.

Just because they told us in school we shouldn’t make fun of people who are different than us, doesn’t mean we can’t.

They also said that the only reason people make fun of something/someone is because they don’t understand it/them.

Well, I say, the reason we do is because we DO understand it, or it’s TRUE, or maybe that shit is just FUNNY!


Tony said...

I'm not going to lie, I had to think for like five minutes about

"I love Jews.

I even worship one."

When I realized what you meant, I laughed. Oh man...I'm on painkillers. Don't mind me...

June said...

I am so happy to hear that you have plenty of unlove to share... it would be such a dull world without your unlove Ed.


don't forget women

you hate women too


SurferWife said...

Hey! Quit picking on my wife.

Anonymous said...

equal opportunity unlove, i like it

Forgotten said...

And that is exactly why George Carlin rocked. He understood it and it was true and he made fun of it.

Yes, I just compared you to George Carlin. You can quit gloating any minute now...

Anonymous said...

I think making fun of EVERYONE should be just fine. Equal opportunities. There's a difference between making fun and hate. Plus things are so ridiculously over the top PC nowadays, it's asking to be knocked over and speared if you ask me. I mean you make fun of yourself too.

Just don't make fun of Taylor Swift, remember? Unless you want a jihad declared on your head.

Tgoette said...

Why ah nevah pegged you as one a dem der "evahbody-lovers". You sure dat nobody ain't got no gun ta' ya hade an iz makin' you say dat? Jus' sayin.

MJenks said...

Damn, dude, just because the Jews run Hollywood doesn't mean that you can say stuff like "there'd be no [insert movie title here] without the Jews."

That's just insensitive. And such.

Right, Marlon?

Ireland said...


hi. you totally made my day.
I was being a creeper and going to people's sites (who follow hyperbole and a half) to follow (because, you know, anyone who follows allie is probably an amazingly fun person)and I stumbled across yours.....

needless to say I am now your biggest fan. have a good day :)

Shannon K. said...

I do have a question...why do you think it is that someone from a race other than caucasion can say "white people this..." and "white people that..." But as soon as a white person mentions another race with a tone of anything other than complete love and adoration, he/she is marked as a racist? Never got that one.

Tracie said...

When you said you worship one, I though "How sweet. He's talking about Lee."

Coffeypot said...

I'm not a bigot either. I hate everyone equally.

Tamara Dawn said...

I love to hate you, Ed!!

Ed said...

Tony: I hope that tooth hole heals up quick. Thanks for stopping by in your drug induced state.

June: Thanks June. I unlove you too.

SFTC: Thanks for reminding me. I wouldn't want to get labeled a sexist by forgetting to hate women.

Suferwife: Picking on your wha...?

Jeff: Or maybe Unequal Love?

Veggie Killer: I try to spread the funk around.Speaking of which, I wouldn't mind spreading a little on Taylor Swift.

Tgoette: I don't have my HillBilly dictionary handy, but I'm pretty sure whatever you said wasn't nice.

mjenks: I'm sorry dude, but if you take all the Jews out of Hollywood, that pretty much just leaves Homosexuals. And Gary Coleman.

Ireland: Hey, it's great to have another person to brain wash with my crazy. Any follower of Allie's is a welcome follower of mine. She's awesome.

Arizona Momma: That's a great question. I think it's another form of reverse racism. That, or we're still paying for stuff our ancestors did.

Tracie: Hahahaha....I was wondering if anyone would think that. I do love Lee, but not in a worship sense.

Coffeypot: There are those who might disagree with you, but I'm not one of THEM.

Cheesecake: Your type says hate, but your girly bits say love.

Ducky said...

You know, if you weren't a white Christian Republican everything you say would be wildly funny...you could take your show on the road, people would throw money at you and you'd have your own spot on BET.

From one WCR to another...yous funny man

Hissyfits & Halos said...

My husband and I were talking about this very thing, last night. I told him I was the girl that stood up in class and told everyone to shut-up when they would make fun of the retarded kids, and then go hug the poor crying things. My husband said, "Yeah, and I was the ass hole in class that would make fun of YOU then, calling you the tard-lover!"

There's one specific minority you mentioned that I have no qualms about poking fun at, or making jokes about. (I live in Texas for gosh sakes!) BUT, religion has always been off limits in my house!

I've always been for the under-dog. Maybe that's why I read your blog???

((lol@ Daffy. Apparently, she's feeling better & getting her wit back!))

The Office Scribe said...

You know the best group to make fun of?

The Amish.

Because they'll never know about it unless someone quilts it and brings it to a barn raising.

carissajaded said...

Loves it. Make fun of everyone. Hate on everyone. That way you don't feel so bad when someone hates on you!

adrienzgirl said...

I love everyone too. Even bigots like you Ed! :D

Oh...except stupid people. I don't really love stupid people.

Life Laugh Latte said...

Yeah...you and Charisse are totally partners in crime:) I like your style Ed. Holly at LLL

Jay Ferris said...

Hmmm... I've never seen Schindler's List, but I'm one of the only people I know that willingly eats gefilte fish. That has to count for something, right?

ScoMan said...

You tell a few jokes and people accuse you of being racist, and it's like .. "I'm not racist, I just love a cheap laugh."

These days, joking about something and hating it are not the same thing. Because nobody takes jokes seriously. And they shouldn't. They're jokes.

Angry rants.. that's how you spot the racists. Angry rants or white hoods.

Meg said...

Unlike Adrienzgirl, I actually DO like stupid people. Because they give me yet another group to make fun of. By the way? I think Eds are totally fun to pick on. But I might make an exception in your case.

Moooooog35 said...


I hate everyone.

We're like the Odd Couple but nothing remotely similar.

Ed said...

Daffy: Thanks Daff. I can always count on you to OUT me.

HissyHalos: Your husband sounds like a man after my own heart. And I mean that in a non-gay way.

Office Scribe: Hahahahahaha. I thought you were going to make a joke about the electricity thing. This all reminds me of the music group parody they do on The Bob & Tom Show called "The Electric Amish". Good shit.

carissajaded: That's right. And I have very thick skin.

adrienzgirl: Stupid people are excellent blog fodder.

Holly @ LLL: Charisse sounds HOT! Thanks Holly.

Jay Ferris: I've never had that, but I love fish. Except sushi. That's just gross.

ScoMan: That's such a relief to hear. Now, if someone would just tell my wife that.

Mad Woman: That's right girl.

Moooooog35: Are you the sloppy one, or the one with the stick up his ass?

Mike said...

I'm a jew. Well, I don't have my forskin but I do eat pork.

I'm glad to see you don't hate me.


p.s. I hate everybody. Just saying!

Going Like Sixty said...

Death to all Juice.

Belle said...

Hey! I like to make fun of People Who Aren't Me Too. What a coincidence!

Kimberly said...

Omgosh, I don't know what's better your post, or the comments! LOL!

Ed said...

Mike: Welcome. Our as your people say, "Shalom".

GoingLikeSixty.com: Juice wha...?

Belle: It is a coincidence. A coincidence to be made fun of. hahahaha

HillBilly Duhn: It's definitely the comments. The post sucked.

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

No no! The post was awesome! Yes, the comments are good, but you are so right in this post!!! I'm so sick of everyone missing all the good jokes for the sake of political correctness! And there is no doubt that you are an equal opportunity offender. ;)


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