Tuesday's Ramblings

So, I did a Video Blog this weekend which was super AWESOME and done in the style of MTV Cribs and I wasn’t chewing gum and the camera work was done by my 10 year old. Then the wife came home and was pissed because she had told me not to do it because she is a private person and doesn’t want people knowing what our house looks like or seeing all our expensive treasures or judging her our cleaning skills or class standing in society. She has a fear of being judged. I was all, “The only way to confront your fears is to face them head on. So you should definitely put yourself out there and say, ‘Go ahead and judge me because I don’t care what you think’”. And then I said, “Also, it’s better to be judged by 12, than carried by 6”, which made complete sense in my mind but didn’t in hers. And then I got all badass and was like, “It’s my effing blog and I’ll post it if I want to!” because I clearly don’t want to have sex before my vasectomy, or after for that matter. Then I watched it, and realized that I looked like a cross between Quasimodo and C3PO, because of my stupid back, and decided not to publish it.

Then I thought about filming one at work showing our kickass Colts office, but Old Guy decided it was the Ed Sullivan show or something and started doing all these impressions of dead people like Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart and I was all, “Get your own blog!”, and he was bitching about my camera work and saying how he was a natural born director and stuff. This probably won’t make it up either.

I won a caption contest over at Jeff’s This Is Why Your Hold Time Is So Long.

You people who follow me with your Google Reader are missing all my sweet Christmas decorations that I spent millions of dollars and man hours on. So your loss.

Also, I have some new awards over on my sidebar which are totally worth looking at, but have $0 value.

Make sure you visit everyone on my blog roll over on the side bar too. And tell them that I sent you over, that way they will owe me stuff like Lunchables and money and kittens and their first borns and stuff. Especially visit Kurt, and tell him he’s a douche for not following me back.

Our Christmas party is tomorrow, and they are having some White Elephant gift exchange for which they said we are supposed to bring in something cheap and funny from home. So since I can’t wrap myself (again) this year, I am bringing in some dog poo from the yard. It’s cheap. It’s from home. And poo is always funny. Somebody is going to be very surprised.

Also, we are supposed to make something to eat, but I am lazy and the wife doesn’t cook much, so I will be claiming I brought in stuff that other people made when they aren’t around. This guarantees that I still get to eat without looking like a lazy douchebag, which I totally typed as doughbag the first time through and now can’t stop giggling like a school girl, but not looking like a lazy douchebag would be like attending in costume. So basically, it’s a Christmas Costume Party.

Yesterday, my 10 year old brought home a friend from school. My five year old asked his brother’s friend how many syllables were in his name…*crickets*……Friends response was ,”WTF!”………Actually, he said, “You’re smarter than I was at your age.”, which immediately caused my wife to do a double fist pump, and then wag her finger in the friend’s face while yelling, “Nah-nah-nah-boo-boo!”*.







*My wife would never say or do something this mean to a child. However, I totally would cause that shit is hilarious.