Welcome to my Funnies, all you new people. Make sure you go back and read some of my old stuff. Some of it is decent. It's your job to find the decent stuff mixed with all the indecent...wait....undecent....err....nondecent.......screw it, I'm AWESOME. Go see for yourself.
And now some quickies:
Conversation over Christmas weekend @ my house between the Wife and ME while watching White Christmas:
Me: “I read somewhere that Danny Kay wasn’t Bing Crosby’s first choice to play opposite him.” (because I’m full of useless knowledge)
Wife: “Nuh-uh. Really?” (said doubtfully, cause she knows I’m usually trying to dupe her)
Me: “Yeah, he wanted Fred Astaire, since they played together in Holiday Inn. Fred was his first choice. But Fred declined, because he thought he was getting too old. Then he wanted some other old dead dude, but that guy had a prior engagement on another project.”
Wife: “Was it Van Johnson?”
Me: “That sounds about right.”
Wife: “It probably was because he was big around that time.”
Me: “Yeah, so Danny Kay was option 3. And I guess he was pissed when he found out.”
Wife: “Poor guy. But he wasn’t known for dancing. He was more of a comic.”
Me: “I know, but I like Danny Kay. He’s funny. And they had good chemistry onscreen. And he’s a good guy, what with starting St.Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital and all.”
Wife: “That was Danny Thomas.”
Me: “Right! Danny Kay Thomas.”
Wife: “No, just Danny Thomas. He was a different actor.”
Me: "I think that’s probably incorrect.”
Wife: “I think YOU’RE incorrect. Maybe you should look it up online.”
Me: “Nah, I prefer to remember it my way. Since that’s the correct version.”
Wife: “Wrong version, you mean.”
Me: “Well, maybe Danny Kay started Riley Children’s Hospital.”
Wife: “That was James Whitcomb Riley.”
Me: “Geez, why does everything have to be so factual with you. A boy can dream, can’t he?!”
Today, while helping Old Guy Office Mate take a photo to put on a dating website:
Me: “So, what kind of pose are you going with? You want just a standard headshot?”
OGOM: “Yeah! Give me a Headshot! Headshot!”
Me: “Calm down tiger, save it for the ladies…….I said Headshot………….HeadSHOT……………SHOT……..S-H-O-T…..not….J-O-B.”
OGOM: “Just take a close up.”
Me: "Okay. How much physique do you want showing? Gut? No Gut?"
OGOM: “Most of the women on the site post from here (points to chest) up, so you can see some of their breasts.”
Me: “Is that what you want? You want them to see your breasts?”
OGOM: “F@*# You, asshole!” (said while laughing hysterically)
19 comments:
As a woman who peruses the online dating sites more often than I care to admit I must say that showing a mans boobs is a great way to eliminate some of the work of reading through his profile. Tell him to smile, that really helps a lot.
You are always funny, Ed!
My husband and I have similar conversations. I'm always right.
Ditto, I'm always right too.
I find that men that show their boobs get more action.
You were both wrong. Donald O'Connor was second choice.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
:D
Man boobs? Never a good idea!
I'm surprised that Adriensgirl didn't tell you that you probably read about Danny Kay on her site, that's where I read it.
You are being a turkey to your friend/office mate.
Is old guy blonde? I hear blondes have more fun...
wait...
Does he HAVE hair?
Tell him to be sure to groom the nose hairs...that's a total turn off!
I can't remember what the start of this post was about. I'm just fantasizing about the old guys breasts.
Are his moobs motorboat friendly?
I would just post a picture of George Clooney.
For sure, that's all the BlackBerry Bloggesses talk about.
So yeah, that's what I'd do.
My wife was a lot more fun when I could BS her into believing anything I said. That game didn't last long but it was fun while it did.
Hey..nothing says 'sexy' like a guy with 'gynecomastia.'
Leave out the man boobs, try to save some mystery for the first date.
Ha! You always crack me up.
Jen: I just told him that showing his breasts on camera might make some women jealous.
Secretia: Thanks.
hotpants: You and your husband always have conversations about showing your breasts on camera?
Sorry, you totally set that comment up for me.
Alex: Speaking of Ditto, have you ever went back and read my post on Ditto. It's one of my favs.
The Queen: I know that is what does it for me. Works like a charm.
adrienzgirl: I was pretty sure I read that on one of YOUR Friday Fun Facts posts, but wasn't sure, otherwise I would have given you credit. Thanks.
Corrie Howe: Thanks for pointing out my mistake in source material. And turkey is a lot nicer than some of the names that Old Guy uses to decribe me.
Daffy: He's more salt & pepper. And he has the best hair money can buy. I think it's custom ordered.
Scoman: They are quite enticing.
Tony: I'm gonna say no, but my mouth is saying "BBRRrruuuuummmMMMM".
Travis: He already thinks he's Cary Grant.
Capt.Dumbass: Tell me about it. I used to swear my wife was a blond who dyed her hair brown. Now she's smarter than me, and it sucks.
Moooog35: Even that word sounds sexy. Now I'm all tingly.
Cassie: Who says they're getting to first base on the first date? He has morals, damnit, even if they are invisible.
The Blue Zoo: Thanks. Seriously.
My husband always thinks he is right. That's why I stopped talking to him.
White Christmas without Danny Kaye? Say it ain't so. It couldn't have happened. Cosmic karma made it work out so that I can drool once a year.
(I got my Danny Kaye fetish honestly, from my mom, who actually grew up in that era. I'm not as old as I sound. Really.)
That was funny.
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