Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Tuesday Quickies

Blog Followers: good, desirable, comforting
Car Followers: bad, scary, possibly FBI or an ex

Blog Stalkers: good, desirable, obsessed in a good way
General Stalkers: bad, scary, obsessed in a kill you way

Blog Voyeurs (aka anonymous followers): lazy
General Voyeurs: lazy

New item:

Tuesdays Train of Thoughts (warning: spelling & punctuation optional)

There was a party last week for a guy leaving to go to Afghanitaliban and a coworker sent out an email saying bring something to share, but I'm not a good sharer, so I ignored the email, but I went to eat something anyway, because I am a good eaterer. Then the coworker was like "Why didn't you bring something? Didn't you get my email", and I was like, "I don't check my email", and another coworker was like, "So did you get my email about that cookie dough you ordered being in the breakroom freezer?", and I was, "Yes, I did get that one", then the first coworker was all, "So you checked the email from her but not from me, huh?", and I was all, "You don't own me!". Don't send me boring emails that require my cooking is my point.
It's just like when I was leaving work yesterday and when I got outside, they had the sidewalk all torn up and the only way to my truck blocked off with caution tape and a big hole where the sidewalk used to be and the coworker was standing down there saying, "How are we supposed to get to our cars" and I said, "I'm going around that" and she was all, "You can't go around" and I was all, "Then I'm going through it" and she said, "That hole is too deep to go through it" and I was all, "Then I'm going over it" and she was all "How?" and I was like, "I'm Spiderman! I got mad skills" and then I ducked under the caution tape, jumped over the sidewalk hole, scaled the side of the building, fired a web at the crazy smoker dude that was telling me not to fall, but nothing came out (stupid webshooters!), then I ducked under the last caution tape. I didn't even bother to look back and laugh maniacally at the stranded coworker on the other side, but instead just headed off to my batmobile. Don't fence me in is all I'm saying.
If this style of rambling looks familiar, that's because I totally stole it from Kurt @ Monster Apathy. That's okay though, because I totally didn't ask permission because it would have required effort plus I am not opposed to taking something and making it better and calling it my own and that's basically what I did with our kids. Besides, Kurt doesn't read my stuff anyway because he is too busy finding new ways to not use punctuation. This style totally fits my brain and I read it without problems which screams WIN and therefore I'm considering doing all my posts this way but probably won't because I am a slave to punctuation and that makes me a grammar whore, but don't worry cause my rates are cheap.
This post is so off course I could pass it off as a NWA pilot. Speaking of asleep at the wheel, which is one of my favorite pass times, do you think the passengers got their ticket money refunded? I would have been pissed, but not as pissed as I would have been if the Air Force had actually shot the plane down. Then, I would have been literally hot. They would have lost my business for sure. Don't fly to Milwaukee is all I'm saying.

Moving on:
We took the family to a costume skating party last night. It was thrown by my oldest son's Orthodontist.
Think about it.
Talk about a cheap way to drum up repeat business.

The Ortho doc was dressed like Axel Rose, complete with leather pants. You don't just buy leather pants for a costume skating party. He's not fooling anybody.

Seems 80's chic is the big thing this year. There were a bunch of Madonna and Cindy Loppers running around last night.
Big hair, blue eye shadow, leg warmers, puffy skirts with tights, and lots of beads.
But that was just me.
You should have seen what everybody else was wearing.

I love character crossovers. Last night on Castle, dude totally comes out in his Firefly wardrobe. Says he's a space cowboy. His daughter says, "Dad, weren't you that like 5 yrs ago?" Classic.

Just like on Flash Forward awhile back. Joseph Fiennes character's wife calls him a "regular Shakespeare".....(i.e. Shakespeare in love.)

Or when John Cho's character is questioning that airport screener guy and he knocks over the bong and the guys like "That's not what you think it is" and John Cho says, "I know what a bong is."....i.e. Harold and Kumar go to White Castles.

Or in Roger Rabbit, when both Disney and Warner Brothers characters show up together......that is screen magic.

I got dirty money from CVS the other day. I think the cashier was trying to get it out of her drawer so it wouldn't contaminate the other bills. She gave me change in eight $1 bills. No five and three ones. EIGHT $1 bills. Come on.
Anyway, this was the dirtiest money I have ever seen. I'm not talking counterfeit dirty, or laundered dirty, or even stripper dirty. They looked like someone decided to clean up either blood or red paint with them. Then, decided they wanted red paint smeared on their butt, so they wiped their butt, and then lined their birdcage with them because their bird had bleeding hemorrhoids, and then decided they needed to pick up milk at CVS.
Only problem is, now I'm afraid to use them for fear of people thinking I'm "that" guy. At least the bills are crisp, so that's good.



the first commenter - all i can think is that when i read NWA pilot i thought you were talking about the 80s black rap group n-----s with attitudes and i couldn't figure out why they had a personal pilot b/c i thought the one guy in the band died of AIDS, eric somebody, and i think they called him easy-e but i could be wrong, but anyhow that's what i was thinking. my daughter won't take a nap and she's rotting my brain. shoot me

Ducky said...

SFTC and I are on the same tract today. I had to re read that sentence/paragraph/monologue (WHAT IS IT?) a couple of times to get it right. No I'm not slow ya asshat, I'm just tired.

adrienzgirl said...

You know what I just read this whole thing and it flowed liked diarrhea. Fast and Furious baby. But not in a hot Fast and Furious way lke the first movie with Vin Diesel, more like Tokyo Drift.

But, I still love you!

Aleta said...

I don't know where to start on this. You have my mind going thirty different ways to Sunday. Gee, thanks. Anyway - GROSS about the money!!!

Lily said...

A costume skating party?
I think I'm in love.

Too bad I don't need any orthodontist work right now...

Jay Ferris said...

As someone who falls into the category of "general" voyeur, I'd like to point out that it requires a lot of work to shimmy up that tree outside my neighbor's bedroom window.

Tom Goette said...

I like the new style just fine you know who needs punctuation anyway right its just a conspiracy by English teachers to control our minds but I thought the post was great and look forward to you posting pics of the costume party oh and if you need help with the dirty money I will take it off your hands well gotta go see a man about a horse

Travis said...

I feel like I've just been verbally raped.

Can you do it again so I can be sure?

Moooooog35 said...

You had me at 'dirty money.'

Sadly, it was at the very end of your post.

Next time try to put that shit way up top.

Thanks in advance.

Coffeypot said...

Punctuation? Isn't that the are of boxing?

Coffeypot said...

Shit...ART not are

Unknown said...

stalker. *raises hand*
sorry. just sometimes, I don't have anything funny (as funny as you are (kissing ass works round here yes?) to comment)

Sebastian Anthony said...

So glad I'm not the only one that noticed that Shakespeare reference in Flash Forward.

And now you are making me want to watch Castle...!

Phillipia said...

I need to reread this when I am more awake...I did like the NWA reference...but then I think I started to nod off cuz everything was running together and I tried to reread it but the words just kept getting closer and closer and then the punctuation disappeared and then...zzzz

Lauren said...

I love character cross overs too. They are da bomb.

Use the bills in a vending machine. It's hard to find a crisp bill for those anyway, so hey, you're in luck.

Stopping over finally cause I always see you on Daffy and Travis' blogs. Thought I'd say hey. :)

ScoMan said...

Thanks for stopping by, and welcome to my reader. You'll find it comfortable there, I believe you know some of your new neighbours.

Anyway, Castle is a great show. As is Firefly, Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place and Dr Horrible. Nathan Fillion rocks is all I'm saying.

Oh yeah, I totally did.

Jeff said...

i laughed so hard at castle, i think i crapped myself a little

DiPaola Momma said...

alrighty then.. we go from Stalkers to Disney in one post.. YOU ARE SO MY KIND OF GUY.. in a non- threatening-I'm-married-too-but-I- dig-ya-anyway-so-lets-be-friends sort of way.. BTW I gave ya WELL DESERVED props on my blog today.

Life Laugh Latte said...

The ortho in leather pants made me laugh hard. In fact the whole thing made me laugh hard. Great post. Thanks for coming by today. Get out there and decorate baby...I want to see what you can do. Holly at lifelaughlatte.blogspot.com


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