Wednesdays....Welcomes, WYR, and Whatnot...

Geez......Eleven new followers!......I haven't felt this kind of pressure since my wedding night.........................Like I said then, "I'll try to keep this short and sweet."....................I should have said, "This will be over before you know what hit you."

I'm totally kidding........The wife is soooooo going to kill me for that.

Okay, then...moving on......It's another (WYR)Would You Rather Wednesday.....brought to you by the fine folks at Maxie......Make sure you visit her pad.............does that sound weird?

Would you rather.....

Be tied to a chair and forced to listen nonstop to the Aflac duck for a week straight.....

OR

Have bamboo shivs shoved under your fingernails and toenails......

Your choice.

I was going to save this for a TMI post, but since I've probably already pissed off the wife, why drag it out when I can take my punishment all at once......
(that's a lie, she totally gave me permission to share this.......I'm crazy but not stupid....and would like to remain married)
Here goes:
(Stop reading here, mom!)
It's normal to fart during lovemaking, right? Things are moving. Exposed. Maybe open to the air around you. Maybe some of that air is drawn in. Well......(I warned you mom........and pastor David)
So, early in our relationship, the missus and I were engaged in...........delecto Horizontus sexus.....(I just made that up.......it's Latin for Da Nasty).
Anyway, I feel a pressure in my lower bowls. (This was still early enough in our relationship when we had the courtesy to not pass gas in front of each other. My how times change. But I digress). Back to the pressure........It's a big one coming......I can tell, and I begin to panic.......*screeching tires*....complete stop.........vice-like sphincter clampage.......My wife, luckily, notices I've stopped, and a look of concern begins to spread across her face.......I realize I won't be able to contain said sexytime flatulence......so I do the only thing I can.....I try to mask it.......I gaze longingly into her eyes and say..."I loooooooovvvvvveeeee Yooooouuuuuuu!".......only....I miss judged the size of the bomb........so it come out like this.........(simultaneously while farting in the background) "I Looooovvvvveeeeee Yooooouuuuuu!"*riiippp*<---(leftover farting noise)............Damn......so close.....missed judged the length by a second or two.......There's still hope........maybe she didn't notice.......
WRONG!
She bursts out laughing.......I'm embarrassed......I'm worried sexytime is over.......but, it turned out to be a memorable experience in that......for the longest time, and occasionally still, we end our I Love You's with farting noises.

Like recently, we were on date night at Arby's (cause I'm a romantic), and while eating.....the wife looks at me and with a mouth full of roast beef sandwich.....says, "Will you get me some napkins?".......I say, "Sure" and get up to get my lovely wife some napkins. When I get about 10 feet from the table, I hear a distinct "Rrrriiiiiippppp!".....*cue tire screech*.......I spin around in shock......My wife has a mortified look on her face.......I say, "You just farted. You got rid of me so you could let one go.".....She said, "It wasn't me! It was this bench!"........since my wife is a saint and doesn't lie, I had no choice but to believe her. But when I got back to the table with the napkins, I gave her the............."I Looovvveee Yooouuu! *Rriiipp*".