I could never be a squirrel.
I realize this post might open me up to all kinds of lewd comments, because you guys are pervs.
That’s partly why I love you so much.
That and the whole sending me cash thing you do. *hint,hint*
But seriously, I couldn’t be a squirrel.
Not because of the furry tail and crazy behavior.
Or because of their inability to look both ways before crossing the street.
It’s because of the nuts.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE nuts. (pervs)
They just don’t love me.
But I don’t care, because I am addicted.
I can’t stop eating nuts. (Not in the crack whore way, either. Or the way that Veggie does. Same difference.)
Seriously, whether its almonds, cashews, peanuts, pecans, walnuts, pissasschios, whatever…doesn’t matter.
I can’t get enough of their nutty goodness.
I’ll have them in my ice cream, candy bars, in plain or mixed fashion, in my peanut butter, even floating in a coke on rare occasion (it’s a southern thing learned from my hillbilly parents.)
They are fairly healthy for you, too. As long as they haven’t been cooked in gobs of fatty oils or covered in high carb sugars.
My issue is stopping.
I can sit done with a bag of nuts (not the same as the bag of nuts I always sit down with), and polish off the whole bag. Or can. Or jar.
Intestinal death occurs for the next 24 hrs.
Like if I had eaten an entire wheelbarrow full of sharp gravel.
I'm pretty sure nuts are racist against my digestion tract.
The pain. The cramping. And don’t even get me started on the exiting.
Afterwards, my poor bunghole probably resembles Moooog’s after his last prison stint.
I still can’t say no.
Just like Mooooog...(ZING)