***my set is in itallics, post commentary in tiny blue***
**Travis’ contributions are in pink. Because he likes Duke. And DUKE is gay**
How ya’ll doing tonight?
Pathetic crowd response, except for a couple of hoots from the few already drunk people
Well, you’re doing better than my mom.
Silence, except a few confused “WTF” chuckles, and one girl with a very loud “Bwah”
She was supposed to be here tonight, but decided to catch cancer.
At this point, I realized my material was too dark and adult for this college aged crowd. I was going for more of a shock & awe comedy response of “Hahaha…I can’t believe I’m laughing at this, I feel so terrible”….INSTEAD, I got a sympathetic, “Awwwwww, that’s soooo sad” response.
Well… it’s not so much that she “caught cancer” as she “had chemo”. **quotes delivered with air quotes**
Received with silence
Evidently that’s was “necessary” to “improve her chances”.
More Silence. Much later, I came up with the perfect opening for a response like this. I should have said…”So my mom has cancer.” And when they went “Awwww”, I could have come back with…”Don’t give me that awwww shit. I said MY mom, not YOUR mom….I wish it was YOUR mom….MY mom still owes me money!”—That’s gold right there.
Whatever…
The crap she pulls to get out of watching the kids on date night…
I might have left this line out. I can’t remember. It was a late addition anyway, and didn’t make sense. Why would mom want out of watching our kids if she was supposed to be at the show. Plus, this crowd WAS kids, so it was beyond them.
That probably makes me seem apathetic…but I don’t care.
Hey, there’s that line from my earlier rejected mental health bit. Anybody guess that right? At this point, I start assuring the crowd that it’s okay to laugh about this.
Cancer does sucks though…..…I mean, more so for her.
Nervous chuckles
But I’ve found it’s not without some advantages.
One nervous chuckle from the crowd
It’s like a never-ending get-out-of-jail-free card.
Nothing. They obviously don’t play Monopoly.
Well….hopefully neverending
A couple of laughs.
But like the other day my wife was yelling at me for something totally not my fault…like breathing…or just being more awesome than her…
More people laughing now.
Until I said….”But my mom has cancer.”
“BAM!"
Wife starts crying… saying she’s sorry…..it’s her fault I always screw up the checkbook….that I never have to lift another finger around the house….or change a diaper again….
Family stuff went right over these kids’ heads
that we can have lots of sex…
Sex gets them. They LOVE sex. Now they are with me. In fact, throughout the rest of the show--sex, drugs, and pizza jokes got the biggest laughs. Go figure. Stupid college kids. I was totally going to do a joke about smoking a bong while having sex with a pizza. Like a movie. Call it American Pizza Pie High. Thanks a lot, *JennyMac*, for encouraging me to refrain from “the normal” overplayed comic routines involving “jerking off & smoking pot”. Those totally would have won this crowd.
I might be adlibbing here, but you get my point.
Laughing
My point is…Cancer’s a Lose-Win scenario.
Just depends on perspective.
That part was me channeling my inner Daniel Tosh. Pretend he said that last line, and you get what I mean.
Nah....I love my mom.
She’s the best mom I have.
More laughing.
Before she got diagnosed, she’d been trying to live healthier….
Obviously…..she wasn’t trying hard enough.
They're laughing now, and I’ve found my groove. Nerves are gone. I notice the comedians in the back are cracking up. Then, the strangest thing happens. Everything starts getting foggy. Like a dream, or like I’m looking through a cloud of smoke. I am totally on autopilot now. I’m not even thinking about what I’m saying. It’s just gushing forth. (TWSS)
Don’t get me wrong…..it’s better her than me.
Takes the kids a minute to get, but the comedians LOVE it.
But I’ve been encouraging her to live it up.
I mean why not? She’s already got cancer.
Audible “Ha” up front.
Just think of all the stuff you’d no longer have to worry about once you have it.
I’d be going to the beach everyday…..covered in Crisco……smoking big cigars….rolled in asbestos paper……maybe eating red-meat sandwiches…..and washing it down with a little Agent Orange.
They are starting to seriously crack up.
But mom’s spirits are high, and she has really great doctors.
In fact, my sisters loved her surgeon.
I don’t know how many times I heard them say that “his wife has terminal cancer”.
I’m sorry…..but THAT’S NOT a selling point.
Laughing.
That’s like choosing a realtor who’s own father is homeless.
More laughing.
Or a teacher whose kid is illiterate.
Serious laughing. In fact, I hear a black guy sitting up front say, “Dammmnnn, that’s some crazy shit!”
You know I just can’t help thinking…
Maybe this is God’s revenge for mom telling me when I was a kid that maxipads were really footpads.
The house is starting to come down.
Do you wanna know how bad I got made fun of when I took my shoes off in gym class?
They are dying. Suddenly, I notice the light in the back of the room. It’s already white. I totally spaced it, and missed the red one that signaled a minute left. SHIT. I was supposed to point or nod.
I didn’t know any better.
I just thought my mom and sisters had really odd shaped feet.
They love me. They really love me.
Like they had a heel on both ends.
I notice that a waitress in the back of the room with a full tray is stopped and laughing. There goes her tips.
Boy, those things worked great for foot sweat though.
Girl up front starts choking with laughter.
And COMFY…..like those Dr.Scholls commercials…”Are you Gellin’?”
“No, I’m Kotexin!”
HUGE laugh! Killed them with that.
Thanks. That’s my time.
*JennyMac, you know I'm kidding. I was totally flattered when you encouraged me to try this.*
**Travis, I wasn’t kidding. DUKE is gay.**
***Post commentaries are strictly my opinions and thoughts.***
Next post we’ll find out what other people thought….not that it matters.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
SHOWTIME!
SHOW TIME!
830pm The MC Comic, Charlie Lind (aka Buddy Holley’s Gay Nephew—his words, not mine), opens the show. He did a quick 5 minutes of decent improv to get the crowd fired up. Meanwhile, I was setting on some steps in the wings, scanning my notes and trying desperately to slow my heart rate and breathing.
833pm Another more experienced comic, who had offered me support earlier, comes over to where I’m seated on the setups. He’s not up until later, but has walked clear across the back of the club to reach me. Probably because he noticed me disappear behind the half-wall concealing the steps, and figured I passed out. He puts his hand on my shoulder and says, “You okay?” I said, “Yep. Just using this step light for my notes.” He said, “Just relax. Have fun up there. You’re going to do great.” I wish I could remember his name. Later, I found out he was one of the comics who had been on The Bob & Tom Show.
834pm I can feel the cottonmouth beginning to take over. I race over to a server and ask for a glass of water to take onstage. She says, “Ok. Just give me a minute and I’ll be right back.” I head back over to my perch on the steps.
835pm My time is NOW. Still no server or water. Charlie does my intro:
“This next comic is a humor blogger turn standup comic. He describes himself as a life-long smartass and all around dick. Give it up for Ed Adams.”
835pm (and 5 seconds) I bound up to the stage. My mind is racing like my heart. I set my notes on the stool. I had debated about that. Originally, I planned NOT to take notes onstage. I read where it appeared unprofessional. I knew I didn’t need them (I didn’t even use them), but I was worried that getting a brainfart and freezing up there would appear MORE unprofessional. PLUS, the MC used notes. (As well as most of the other comics.)
835pm (and 10 seconds) I grab the mic off the stand and hit my opening line to begin my set.
To Be Continued….
Hahahahahaha....Naw, seriously, I'll post more today. It was just too much for one post. Check back in later.
830pm The MC Comic, Charlie Lind (aka Buddy Holley’s Gay Nephew—his words, not mine), opens the show. He did a quick 5 minutes of decent improv to get the crowd fired up. Meanwhile, I was setting on some steps in the wings, scanning my notes and trying desperately to slow my heart rate and breathing.
833pm Another more experienced comic, who had offered me support earlier, comes over to where I’m seated on the setups. He’s not up until later, but has walked clear across the back of the club to reach me. Probably because he noticed me disappear behind the half-wall concealing the steps, and figured I passed out. He puts his hand on my shoulder and says, “You okay?” I said, “Yep. Just using this step light for my notes.” He said, “Just relax. Have fun up there. You’re going to do great.” I wish I could remember his name. Later, I found out he was one of the comics who had been on The Bob & Tom Show.
834pm I can feel the cottonmouth beginning to take over. I race over to a server and ask for a glass of water to take onstage. She says, “Ok. Just give me a minute and I’ll be right back.” I head back over to my perch on the steps.
835pm My time is NOW. Still no server or water. Charlie does my intro:
“This next comic is a humor blogger turn standup comic. He describes himself as a life-long smartass and all around dick. Give it up for Ed Adams.”
835pm (and 5 seconds) I bound up to the stage. My mind is racing like my heart. I set my notes on the stool. I had debated about that. Originally, I planned NOT to take notes onstage. I read where it appeared unprofessional. I knew I didn’t need them (I didn’t even use them), but I was worried that getting a brainfart and freezing up there would appear MORE unprofessional. PLUS, the MC used notes. (As well as most of the other comics.)
835pm (and 10 seconds) I grab the mic off the stand and hit my opening line to begin my set.
To Be Continued….
Hahahahahaha....Naw, seriously, I'll post more today. It was just too much for one post. Check back in later.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I DID IT! I'm Officially A Standup Comic.
I DID IT!!!
Folks, I rarely get nervous.
Like EVER!
My wife even said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you nervous before.”
But after I found out yesterday that my mom wasn’t well enough to attend the show, I started worrying.
She was my inspiration for trying this. Of course, I had always thought about and wanted to try it, but when mom found out she had cancer, that’s when I decided that there was no time like the present. She had always been there to support and encourage me in everything I’ve done, and I wanted to do this while she was able to see it. My whole bit was in tribute to my mom.
Basically, I was....going to.....bust on her for having cancer.
I know that sounds cruel, but you’d have to know my mom. She is where I get my sick & twisted sense of humor and wit from.
It’s just how we deal with the uncomfortable----we poke it with a stick.
And after focusing all my efforts on getting my routine delivery just right, the idea of writing new stuff at the last minute scared the crap out of me.
If it hadn’t been for you folks supporting and counting on me, I probably would have backed out at that point.
Big props to Mr. Travis Sloat.
I text/gchatted him at my moment of utmost panic, and explained to him my dilemma. He, being the more experienced standup comic (by two shows), told me not to freak. He reminded me that it was ONLY 3 minutes. He also offered me tips on how to save my material, and even gave me a new opening (DUDE, I totally blew that delivery. So that line bombed. But it was still a good line.)
After reworking my bit, I started cramming the material and polishing the delivery. By the time we left early for Indy, I was feeling pretty confident.
630pm We arrived in Indy. I wasn’t due to check in until 745, or 730 at the earliest. So the wife and I grabbed dinner at MCL (aka. The Land Of The Walking Dead). However, this MCL was populated by college kids and area rich people. And the food and service was AWESOME!
715pm We headed to the club. Seeing how we were still early, we walked around Broad Ripple village, which is near Butler University. Go BULLDOGS!!! (They ALMOST beat Travis’ DUKE in the Finals of the NCAAs last year)
The village is like any other college “village”. Lot’s of clubs and bars and shops.
Except this one had an over abundance of smoke shacks, record stores, and shoe repair places.
HOW do these places stay in business? I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a fleet of chain-smoking & barefoot college DJ’s running around Butler.
Seriously, shoe repair? The wife pointed out that new shoes would be cheaper than getting old ones repaired, and that shoes nowadays aren’t even REAL shoes that you WOULD repair.
I think they should just call it what it is….a GLUE STORE.
It’s not like there’s a bunch of midget cobblers inside hammering away on some Jordans.
730pm We hit the club and my heart instantly starts racing. I check in and wait.
745pm The preshow meeting starts and I’m still not even sure if I’ll get to perform, since I have no idea about my 5 required guests. But I meet some of the other comedians and that’s cool and somewhat calming. Comedians are GREAT people, even if they seem like a dick onstage. The Club people go through the rules (Red warning light when you have 1 minute left & which you must acknowledge with a point or a nod, white light when you are out of time & don’t you dare start a new joke, and lastly no EFF bombs). Afterwards, everybody pulls out their notes and starts going over their material one last time.
800pm The crowd is let in. About 100 people. Mostly college kids. Then music starts pumping, which is supposed to fire up the crowd.
815pm They tell everybody to grab a slip of paper and write their intro for the MC Comic.
WHAT?!! I had no idea there would be a written portion of the test! I was so unprepared.
I asked the MC what kind of stuff he wanted. Just my name---thinking he would use his talents around that? Or should we come up with our own blurb? He said name was important, but it was also to set the crowd up FOR me. Basically, to get them excited and give them some idea of what to expect FROM me.
I chewed on that for awhile. I thought of how I was about to make fun of my cancer-stricken mother who wasn’t even there. I wrote something short and quick, which later came out of the MC’s mouth like this:
"This next comic is a humor blogger turn standup comic. He describes himself as a life-long smartass and all around dick. Give it up for Ed Adams."
820pm We get the final set list. I have been moved from 3rd to 1st. FML.
The original list set list had about 17 comics, of which I was 3rd. AND one of 5 new comics.
The final set list had 11. No show-ers and non-performers, I hated you at that point. I had been moved to 1st. And NOW, the only new comics were me and some deaf guy. He went next to last.
If I knew how to sign, I would have orchestrated a trade.
825pm Wife texts me. “Should I try to record?” Crap, I was planning on having her record with her phone while getting the good camera from her before the show to ask another comedian to record for me, since you were only allowed to record from the comedians area. I replied, “Sure. Fuck’em.” She sent back, “I’m not sure I want to do THAT. I’m also not pulling out the big camera. Let me use your phone.” So after locating her seat, I passed her my phone on the way to the staging area.
830pm Show starts.
To be continue…. :)
Folks, I rarely get nervous.
Like EVER!
My wife even said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you nervous before.”
But after I found out yesterday that my mom wasn’t well enough to attend the show, I started worrying.
She was my inspiration for trying this. Of course, I had always thought about and wanted to try it, but when mom found out she had cancer, that’s when I decided that there was no time like the present. She had always been there to support and encourage me in everything I’ve done, and I wanted to do this while she was able to see it. My whole bit was in tribute to my mom.
Basically, I was....going to.....bust on her for having cancer.
I know that sounds cruel, but you’d have to know my mom. She is where I get my sick & twisted sense of humor and wit from.
It’s just how we deal with the uncomfortable----we poke it with a stick.
And after focusing all my efforts on getting my routine delivery just right, the idea of writing new stuff at the last minute scared the crap out of me.
If it hadn’t been for you folks supporting and counting on me, I probably would have backed out at that point.
Big props to Mr. Travis Sloat.
I text/gchatted him at my moment of utmost panic, and explained to him my dilemma. He, being the more experienced standup comic (by two shows), told me not to freak. He reminded me that it was ONLY 3 minutes. He also offered me tips on how to save my material, and even gave me a new opening (DUDE, I totally blew that delivery. So that line bombed. But it was still a good line.)
After reworking my bit, I started cramming the material and polishing the delivery. By the time we left early for Indy, I was feeling pretty confident.
630pm We arrived in Indy. I wasn’t due to check in until 745, or 730 at the earliest. So the wife and I grabbed dinner at MCL (aka. The Land Of The Walking Dead). However, this MCL was populated by college kids and area rich people. And the food and service was AWESOME!
715pm We headed to the club. Seeing how we were still early, we walked around Broad Ripple village, which is near Butler University. Go BULLDOGS!!! (They ALMOST beat Travis’ DUKE in the Finals of the NCAAs last year)
The village is like any other college “village”. Lot’s of clubs and bars and shops.
Except this one had an over abundance of smoke shacks, record stores, and shoe repair places.
HOW do these places stay in business? I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a fleet of chain-smoking & barefoot college DJ’s running around Butler.
Seriously, shoe repair? The wife pointed out that new shoes would be cheaper than getting old ones repaired, and that shoes nowadays aren’t even REAL shoes that you WOULD repair.
I think they should just call it what it is….a GLUE STORE.
It’s not like there’s a bunch of midget cobblers inside hammering away on some Jordans.
730pm We hit the club and my heart instantly starts racing. I check in and wait.
745pm The preshow meeting starts and I’m still not even sure if I’ll get to perform, since I have no idea about my 5 required guests. But I meet some of the other comedians and that’s cool and somewhat calming. Comedians are GREAT people, even if they seem like a dick onstage. The Club people go through the rules (Red warning light when you have 1 minute left & which you must acknowledge with a point or a nod, white light when you are out of time & don’t you dare start a new joke, and lastly no EFF bombs). Afterwards, everybody pulls out their notes and starts going over their material one last time.
800pm The crowd is let in. About 100 people. Mostly college kids. Then music starts pumping, which is supposed to fire up the crowd.
815pm They tell everybody to grab a slip of paper and write their intro for the MC Comic.
WHAT?!! I had no idea there would be a written portion of the test! I was so unprepared.
I asked the MC what kind of stuff he wanted. Just my name---thinking he would use his talents around that? Or should we come up with our own blurb? He said name was important, but it was also to set the crowd up FOR me. Basically, to get them excited and give them some idea of what to expect FROM me.
I chewed on that for awhile. I thought of how I was about to make fun of my cancer-stricken mother who wasn’t even there. I wrote something short and quick, which later came out of the MC’s mouth like this:
"This next comic is a humor blogger turn standup comic. He describes himself as a life-long smartass and all around dick. Give it up for Ed Adams."
820pm We get the final set list. I have been moved from 3rd to 1st. FML.
The original list set list had about 17 comics, of which I was 3rd. AND one of 5 new comics.
The final set list had 11. No show-ers and non-performers, I hated you at that point. I had been moved to 1st. And NOW, the only new comics were me and some deaf guy. He went next to last.
If I knew how to sign, I would have orchestrated a trade.
825pm Wife texts me. “Should I try to record?” Crap, I was planning on having her record with her phone while getting the good camera from her before the show to ask another comedian to record for me, since you were only allowed to record from the comedians area. I replied, “Sure. Fuck’em.” She sent back, “I’m not sure I want to do THAT. I’m also not pulling out the big camera. Let me use your phone.” So after locating her seat, I passed her my phone on the way to the staging area.
830pm Show starts.
To be continue…. :)
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