Several people have asked me if I am making up the ‘Weird News Wednesday’ stories.
I just read and report.
Usually, I summarize the story and add a little of my funny at the end.
Last week, I started including the actual headlines. STILL, people thought I made these up.
MY comments are in blue.
NY motorcyclist dies on ride protesting helmet lawONONDAGA, N.Y. (AP) — Police say a motorcyclist participating in a protest ride against helmet laws in upstate New York died after he flipped over the bike's handlebars and hit his head on the pavement.
Irony of The Day?
School found using bomb as bell
KAMPALA (Reuters) - A mine awareness team in Uganda was horrified to find an unexploded bomb being used as a bell when they visited a school to teach children how to spot bombs, a local newspaper reported.
MOUNT CLEMENS, Mich. (AP) — A Michigan jail inmate says he's being subjected to cruel and unusual punishment because he can't have pornography.
You don’t have to be an inmate to know that lack of porn is just wrong!
Oh wait, you mean jail is supposed to be fun? Our bad.
Finger Length Linked to Penis Size(LiveScience)Men: Hold up your right hand. Are your index and ring fingers close to the same size? Congratulations, you're more likely than men with mismatched digits to have a long penis.
**said while casually holding up his ENORMOUS and EVENLY-SIZED ring and index fingers**
Mexican man tries to escape prison in suitcaseCHETUMAL, Mexico (AP) — Police say a woman was caught trying to sneak her common-law-husband out of a Mexican prison in a suitcase following a conjugal visit.
Must have been good enough that she wanted a little ‘Take Home Baggy’.
Seriously though, is it any wonder they’re able to sneak across the border?
You know what I think? ZOMBIES! Everybody knows Zombie/you-DNA never matches Alive/you-DNA.
(LiveScience)A man's face might hint whether he is bad to the bone, with scientists finding that wider faces might predict unethical behavior in men. Wide faces in men have been linked with aggression and perceptions of untrustworthiness. Now researchers have discovered that broad-faced men appear more likely to deceive their counterparts in negotiations and are more willing to cheat in order to increase their financial gain.
This is considered news?
**He asked with is handsomely narrow face**
Who wants to live forever? Scientist sees aging curedLONDON (Reuters) - If Aubrey de Grey's predictions are right, the first person who will live to see their 150th birthday has already been born. And the first person to live for 1,000 years could be less than 20 years younger. A biomedical gerontologist and chief scientist of a foundation dedicated to longevity research, de Grey reckons that within his own lifetime doctors could have all the tools they need to "cure" aging -- banishing diseases that come with it and extending life indefinitely.
Great. Only 600 more years until retirement!
Teen faces prison after sex doll prank goes awryINDIANAPOLIS (AP) — When 18-year-old Tyell Morton put a blow-up sex doll in a bathroom stall on the last day of school, he didn't expect school officials to call a bomb squad or that he'd be facing up to eight years in prison and a possible felony record.
A janitor at Rushville Consolidated High School saw Morton run away from the school May 31, and security footage showed a person in a hooded sweatshirt and gloves entering the school with a package and leaving five minutes later without it, according to court documents.
Administrators feared explosives, so they locked down the school and called police. K9 dogs and a bomb squad searched the building before finding the sex doll.
"We have reviewed this situation numerous times," Rush County Schools Superintendent John E. Williams told the newspaper last week. "When you have an unknown intruder in the building, delivering an unknown package, we come up with the same conclusion. ... We cannot be too cautious, in this day and age."
From my own state, nonetheless.
Geez, can’t anyone take a “My Sex Doll Needs to Take a Dump” joke around here?
UPDATE: I snapped this pic on the way into work this morning: