Friday, July 1, 2011

Demotivational Posters: Buses And A Short Story

First, a short story.

The year was 1997.

Or 1998. I forget.
I know I was newly married, and didn’t have kids yet.
The wife and I were both attending Ball State University.
That’s right. I went to BSU.
Sounds appropriate, doesn’t it.
But this story is no BS.
We were non-traditional students, who lived off campus.
Since we commuted to school, we would park in a lot and ride the shuttle buses to class.
This particular semester, our schedules overlapped so that she boarded a shuttle bus in front of the building were my next class was about to start.
I would go out and talk to her until the bus came.
The thing about these shuttle buses?
The drivers were all CRAZY.
Like they were all retired NASCAR drivers or something.
“Hey buddy! SLOW DOWN! You’re hauling kids back here, NOT moonshine!”
They would come flying up to a stop, and pull RIGHT.UP.ON.THE.CURB!
This particular day, I was standing on the sidewalk with my back to the oncoming lane, and talking to my wife.
Suddenly, I see her eyes get really wide.
And then it hits me.
I am knocked forward onto the ground with the wind out of me.
My back is throbbing.
Everybody was freaking out, and saying “OMG! Are you alright? Holy shit! That bus just hit you!”
See, the shuttle buses had these HUGE mirrors on the side that stuck out about 2 feet.
The driver clipped me with it hard enough that it bent backwards against the bus.
My wife was in a rage!
She stormed onto the bus, yelling at the bus driver, “YOU HIT MY HUSBAND!!!”
His response?
“Fix my mirror! Somebody needs to fix my mirror!”
Seems he didn’t even see me, and thought someone had just smacked his mirror while being a jerk.
She had him radio for the police, but they were too busy to respond and told us to come file a report at the station.
The bus drove off.
Went to the station and they told us that they couldn’t file a report now, because everyone had left the scene and we should have stayed there and waited.
We asked how we were supposed to stay there and keep the bus driver there too, especially when the police said to come to the station.
Nothing ever happen.
I should own that school by now.
I still haven’t paid back my school loans.
I figure they OWE me!

And now, Bus Demotivational Posters!


Dorn said...

At what point would you ever say "hey, let's make two buses convertibles and stack them top to top?" Must be the Polish education system.

Mercurio said...

You should take a bat and beat all those mirrors down, thankfuly you didn't need to get hospitalized.

Mrs. Pickle said...

“Fix my mirror. Somebody needs to fix my mirror.” That made me laugh

I also wish I could have seen a video of your wife storming on the bus all pissed.

Joshua said...

And they wonder why people don't trust the police. Or public transportation.

Henrietta Collins (aka Kage) said...

"You can’t spell ‘emotional abuse’ without the word ‘bus', which is why I do not use public transportation."

~ Stephen Colbert

Pat said...

We have those big honking mirrors on our 1 1/2 ton truck. Luckily we've never run anyone over with them - the mirrors are pretty high off the ground! I LOVE the accordion bus! Actually, these all made me laugh pretty hard!

Coffeypot said...

That was karma striking you in the back for getting married.

The Pakistani bus should have goats tied to the room and the Indian bus should also have chickens sticking their head's out the window.

Momma Fargo said...

Is it just me, or does your red circle thingy look like balls and a small penis. Is that all you boys think about?


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