Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I'll Say Again, Don't Make Me Come In There!

I haven't posted a good rant in awhile.

Not that this one will be a good rant, but there's a couple things that have been setting me off lately.

And if I don't go all Dennis (Leery/Miller) for a second, I might just go all postal.

WHAT is UP with drive-up people?!

Obviously not much, since they're working in fast food for a living.

Way to dream high there, people.

But it used to be, when you went through the drive-up, the most trouble you had was from the speaker system.

Usually, the little High School dropout on the other end of the line managed to take your order better than they managed to keep their legs closed under the bleachers sophomore year.

But NOOOO, not nowadays.

Now, no matter what fine greasy processed food establishment you visit, you are bound to get some dickslexic retard wearing the sporty headphones on the other end of the line.

So here's some things I'd like them to know:

If you ask to take my order, then you better be ready and able to handle it. (THSS)

DON'T ask for my order, then stop me and tell me to wait a second, or ask me to repeat it a hundred times.

I HATE repeating myself.

And I am pretty sure I've mentioned that before.

Also, DON'T stop me mid order ten times asking if I want :extra" this or "super-size" that.

If I want that crap, I'll order it! I'm no drive-up rookie.

Just because I am eating fast food, DOES NOT mean I am thrifty enough to be interested in your specials.

And come on! Everybody knows “with everything” means EVERYTHING!

In what universe does a burger "with everything" NOT include cheese, mustard, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, onion, and pickle (and possibly mayo)?

If you're definition of "everything" includes something else, like Skittles or Cheetos, then shoot yourself in the face right now.

Be honest. It's not like it really matters what I order or you ask me a billion times what I want, cause it's just like Joe Pesci says in Lethal Weapon, “They always eff you at the drive-thru!”

How about this sweetheart?

How about we skip the playful banter and you just go ahead and throw whatever crap in the bag you were going to throw in there anyway, and if it's not close to what I originally wanted, I'll pay you a little visit inside.

Cause that's what always happens anyway.

But at least I wouldn't have to repeat myself.

Have I mentioned how I hate that?

13 comments:

Joshua said...

My favorite? Pulling up to the speaker, and instead of saying "Welcome to [shit hole], may I take your order?" They say "Thank you for coming to [shit hole] (TWSS? Ew.). Would you like to try our [blah blah fuckity blah]?" And then I forget what the hell I wanted to order in the first place.

Which reminds me, why would they ask "May I take your order?" Like I'm going to answer, "No you fucking may not. You will take it, bitch." (TWSS)

Also, if you ever come across one, avoid the drive-thru at an Einstein's Bagel place. Stupidest fucking place to have a drive-thru. Last weekend, we had the pleasure of using one. I get to the window, and then they decided to tell me that they were out of the bagel I wanted. And then suggested a bagel that was "similar" but if I wanted a cheese bagel, how is a cheese and spinach bagel even close to the same damn thing?

Sorry. End my rant.

laughingmom said...

Agree with your rant - I often want to crawl through the speaker and just fix my own order. Please don't use the word retard - I know it's a humor blog, but really?

Coffeypot said...

Yeah! Like when I'm at the WH and I order BLACK COFFEE and she will ask, 'You want cream with that?' I just stare at them until I see a light go on behind their eyes.

And dude, I wont make a you come anywhere. I'm just not like that.

Momma Fargo said...

Perhaps you should do Chinese take out. They never mess up my order.

Or...try talking into the speaker with a lisp or hairlip...give it back to them. Really...the best entertainment sometimes is messing with the drive thru people. And no worries...they are too stupid to realize you are messing with them...but they still get frustrated none the less.

Joshua said...

Or do the Denis Leary and talk to them using a trach microphone: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9Oq92yqlms Just watch the first 65 seconds for the part I'm talking about. The rest is hysterical, too.

Matty said...

As the old saying goes, "you get what you pay for".

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Edward, are you suffering from your periods?

Jewels said...

Can I just tell you how hard I laughed at you saying you hate to repeat yourself and then repeating that fact over and over! LMAO!

I agree though, they are going to screw you no matter what so it's best to just go with it. I love when I pull up, in the pouring rain, two hungry/pissy kids in the back, window down so I can hear their greeting and then it just NEVER comes. Fast food, people! I shouldn't be waiting 5 minutes for you to take my order. I know that is ridiculous in terms of large scale world issues-but that day-at that time-and to those kids...it wasn't a happy car!

Pat said...

I suffer from dickslexic. Do I need to see my doctor about that?

Sandra said...

So funny and so true! It doesn't matter what you order, you never get what you asked for. I'm with you: I think while you're ordering, they're standing at the food tray throwing in your bag whatever happens to be ready to go to the trash! Good rant!...and now, suddenly, I'm not craving a Big Mac anymore...

Greg said...

Nice rant! Funny and brought back some great memories. I have seen everything from the other-side of the speaker. I managed a Wendy's in a previously life, I since have died and been reincarnated to a higher life form a retail manager. Anyway I recommend taking barbiturates, smoking marijuana or any other drug that will relax you prior to ordering.

On purely capitalistic note, saying would you like to super-size it increases the number of biggie fries by one percent, which I'm sure adds billions of dollars to someones pocket book and billions of pounds to someones ass.

Anyway hope my sarcasm wasn't too much for you, have a great day.

Where do you live in Indiana?

I live in downtown Indianapolis. Well thanks for stopping by and love your posts.

dana said...

You never mentioned the fact that they repeat your order after each word with a question mark. Then, when you repeat it back at them, you get your sack, there's TWO of everything and the bill is $30.

The Blue Zoo said...

lol I read this to my husband. We were totally cracking up.

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