Here’s some thoughts I had while watching Nick Jr. with my 2 yr old:
Where are this kid's parents?
She’s out there running around the jungle all day with some snowboot-wearing talking monkey, and NO supervision!
Guess they don’t have CPS down there.
And why snow boots?
If you live in the jungle, do you really need SNOW boots?
Wouldn’t jungle boots be better?
I bet that monkey’s feet really stink.
Are they called feet?
Maybe it’s feet hands?
Regardless, they stink.
You can’t wear boots that much and not have smelly pigs.
Seriously, who sends their kid out to play in the jungle with only a monkey and a talking backpack?
I’m sorry, but that map is a piece of shit.
Just like it’s intro song……Lyrics much?
Geez. If my map said the easiest way to get to the Candy Castle was to climb the Tallest Mountain, I’d cut to the chase and go ahead and saw my arm off.
Oh great, now she’s teaching my toddler Mexican again!
Listen senorita, this kid has enough trouble learning to speak American.
She doesn’t need you filling her head with your Adios and Mucho Gracias.
On Ni Hao Kai-Lan -
Oh look, more foreigners on TV.
Did she just call that old man her Yo-yo?
What’s that? Like Chinese for Pedophile?
Did she just teach my kid to say “shit”?
OH, Shui. …Guess that’s how you say “snow” in Chinese.
Still sounds like “sheeit.”
On Go, Diego,Go! -
Here’s a shocker…. Dora’s cousin running around the jungle and playing with wild animals.
Who would have guessed?
I wonder if it’s a cultural difference, or if that family just has really sucky parenting skills.
Look kid, maybe Baby Jaguar keeps getting lost because you have terrible role models at home.
Maybe he’s not actually “lost”, but running away, because you’re a freak who likes keeping dangerous wild animals captive.
On Fresh Beat Band -
So these are the kids who didn’t make the cut for GLEE.
I bet they hate their life.
Probably keep dancing in circles, singing the same songs, and thinking that one day…their Disney ship will come.
Which is probably what their future holds….Performing on a cruise ship somewhere.
On BackYardigans -
WTF is this?
OMG, THAT SONG!
On Yo Gabba Gabba -
How did they manage to talk a brother into wearing that orange leotard?
What the heck are these things?
3 ugly monsters, a broken down robot, and something you’d find in an adult bookstore?
We’re going back to PBS.
At least they have educational shows with decent lyrics in their title songs.
Like Sesame Street. And Clifford. And Between The Lions.
And none of the foreign stuff either.
They show good ole American shows like Teletubbies and The Wiggles.
*Disclaimer-I'm not really a racist. I just play one on Nick Jr.*