Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Don't Prejudge My Satire As Hatred!

I realize my last post may have come across a tad bit racially or sexually prejudice.
I pretty sure that “tad bit” part was your fault.
You obviously prejudged my prejudice due to your own racist bigotry.
I hope you’re happy, Mr. Hitler.
In all honesty, I’m a very nice and caring person in my own mind, who loves everyone and gets along great with others who aren’t different than me.
Being a straight white male in today’s society is hard.
Add in my insane ability to make fun of everything around me while remaining outstandingly awesome, and some people are left wondering what greatness just happened.
But when it comes to topics like sexual orientation, race, religion, ethnic groups, or immigration status, some people retreat with their feathers ruffled.
Clearly those people are birds pretending to be people, which makes them criminals.
Criminals have no rights, is my point.
I won’t shy away from these topics, however.
You should know, though, that being a straight white male automatically makes me the “racist” or the “hater” or the “bigot” or the “best”.
Even before I say anything.
And it’s no use for me to try denying it, even though I’m not any of those things, except the best.
Because isn’t “I’m not a racist/bigot/hater” the first thing racist bigoted haters say?
And we all know the next thing they say, right?
They claim friendships.
“I have tons of Black/Jewish/Gay/Illegal Mexican/Arab/Mormon friends!”
Sure you do.
Unless you ARE “Black/Jewish/Gay/Illegal Mexican/Arab/Mormon” yourself, no one has tons of friends like that.
Being a straight white male only makes it worse, because people are constantly discriminating against us by labeling us racists.
We aren’t even allowed to use terms of description without being labeled a racist.
Example: Suppose I was robbed by an African American male (and not because an African American would be more likely to do that either).
When giving a description of the mugger, and not wanting to seem like a racist, it might go like this:
Cop: “What did he look like?”
Me: “About 6 ft tall. Maybe 185 lbs.”
Cop: “Hair color?”
Me: “Brown?”
Cop: “Eye color?”
Me: “Brown?”
Cop: “Anything else? Skin Color?”
Me: “…….bro….bla……Afri……..pigmentedly blessed?”
Cop: *blink,blink*….“You racist!”

It’s crazy!
And everytime we think we have it figured out, someone changes it.
It’s not colored, it’s black. Colored is as bad as the N word.
Then, it’s not black, it’s African American. Because our skin color isn’t white any more than theirs is Black.
Then, it’s not African American, because they are just as American as everyone else.
Now it’s dark Americans or something.
But it’s this way with every group. The gays were homosexuals, then gays, and now non-straights.
I give up trying.
Even though I don’t actually hate anyone or prejudge them based on the color of their skin, their sexual preference, or what God they follow, I am going to describe them however I want when I’m making fun of them.
If that makes me sound like a racist, then you obviously are discriminating against my freedom of speech.
BUT, I do still hate the plastic garbage bag ties.
They have no friends here.


Anonymous said...

LOL Yep, I totally get it. Its ok for everyone else to be racist EXCEPT white people. Its ridiculous!

otherworldlyone said...

I was going to leave a really funny comment about you leaving me a message about a clan meeting, but then it just didn't sound so funny anymore.

I gotta go.

Terry said...

"dark Americans"?? REally?? Oh my my....what is this world coming to?? ;)

Moooooog35 said...

I prefer to be just plain racy.

Coffeypot said...

I can honestly say I am not racist or bigoted because I hate everybody and most of their pets, too.

Fred Miller said...

There was a time when being Roman Catholic took the edge off being white/male, because we had oppression in our past. When the pope was a Polish philosopher it worked okay, but now that he's a German politician, it's not reliable anymore. I might just as well be a Protestant.

Momma Fargo said...

Ha. I'm with Moog.

Barb said...

As I recently explained to my Biology students, there are no genes that are diagnostic for race. In other words, if you have a DNA sample, you cannot test it for race. So when your mom said we are all the same on the inside, she was right. :)
That's why, as long as they aren't mean, I love jokes about different people. If we can't laugh at ourselves and others, whom can we laugh at? I grew up hearing Italian jokes. My mom is full Italian. That makes me half. Did you hear this one: a boy asks his dad for $5 to buy a Guinea pig. His dad says, "Here's $10 son, buy yourself a nice Irish girl instead!"

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

I say it all the time: Political Correctness is ruining funny.

The Demigoddess said...

In the Philippines, we don't discriminate based on color because we are mostly brown-skinned here. We do discriminate based on their religious denomination. I mean, we are a Christian country with maybe half of us Catholics..and all the Catholics can do is discriminate against the Mormons, the isn't as much fun as discrimination in the US...


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