Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Random Shorts (not what you're thinking)

Since Old Guy Office Mate had his stroke a couple months back, he will occasionally get confused or mix up his words.

I usually don’t pay much attention to it.

But today, he was telling me about a TORT claim he was working on.

And when he said the guy had a FRACTURED SEMEN, I was like…*blink, blink*… “Come again?”


I was at K-mart the other night, because I am a high class shopper, and some old lady face-planted in the isle RIGHT IN FRONT of me.

She was following her husband through the store bitching at him when she tripped over the corner of a skid and down she went with a THUD! and all.

I think the only reason her husband stopped and turned around was because he got confused by the sudden sensation of sweet blissful silence.

I offered to help, and even asked if she was okay (because that was the only way to keep from pointing and laughing), but they both gave me the stinkeye like I had pushed her.

Here I was trying to be nice, and instead, I get nonverbally assaulted for a crime I didn’t commit.

So I waited until she got up, and I pushed her down again.

In my mind.

Be sure to look around and check out my new digs. It’s a work in progress.

Short post today, just to let you know I’m still alive, and because I am busy working on a Stickman Toon for the Duckfest winner – That One Mom.

Stay tuned.


Anonymous said...

You're an evil, malicious man. I bet you DID push that golden girl. But only because you wanted to cop a feel while helping her up. PERVERT.

Moooooog35 said...

Pushing old people is never funny unless it's caught on video and you can share it.

Words are nice, too..but dude..CAMERA.

Coffeypot said...

I would have said, "Oh, sorry I offered. I guess that's where you want to be." and put my foot behind her head and pushed her down again. Or Said, "Lady, that was some funny stunt." while pointing and laughing like you said.

And the Critic pic, get that thing out of my face, I don't care what she smells like.

Captain Dumbass said...

My wife had a hysterectomy when we had our new baby so I don't have to worry about fracturing my semen. That's a relief.

Like the new look.

The Office Scribe said...

Sometimes short blog posts are the best. Concentrating is too hard sometimes...

Daffy said...

So the key to getting someone to shut up is to push them? So they faceplant?


adrienzgirl said...

I got here and I was confused. There is a red curtain and everything is all streamlined and professional and shit. WTF? You going HIGH CLASS?

Dude, you shop at Kmart for Chrissakes! Kmart is like the generic Wal-Mart, and dude, THAT is sad.

Just saying. Cause seriously, at Wal-Mart you could've pushed down a fat lady. And THAT would be funny. Pushing down old ladies just makes you bitter and mean.

WhisperingWriter said...

Fractured Semen?? Bwahaha.

I like your new digs by the way.

Alex said...

Looks good around here.

Oh and don't push over old ladies, push babies and step on puppies, it's a shorter route to hell.

ScoMan said...

I see no reason to refrain from pointing and laughing.

I have laughed at an old lady falling down the stairs at the train station. My friend made me look bad by running to her aid.

I hate that bastard. He's so selfish.


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