Monday, April 19, 2010

Olive Garden Hates Me But Atleast Grandma Made It To 85

My grandma turned 85 over the weekend and the Family got together at Olive Garden. Fun times ensued. Here are just a couple highlights.

Our waitress was an identical doppelganger for LiLu.

I was my usual self, which means the waitstaff most definitely took turns seasoning my food with loogies. I thought that Fat-Free Italian dressing tasted funny.

After about my fifth crack, I asked why what I was ordering wasn’t listed as low fat when all it was just grilled salmon and broccoli. She said she wasn’t sure, but could get me the “healthy menu”. My older sister wanted to see it too, so she went to get it and stood at the end of our table reading it. I said to my sister, “Did she get that menu for us or for herself?” Evidently the waitress heard me, cause she said, “I was just trying to find out about the salmon, but here”, and she attempted to hand it to me by tossing it frizbee style, where in the sharp corner nearly grazed my eyeball causing me to go into a Matrix-like avoidance maneuver. Of course, she apologized profusely, but I know she was trying to kill me with that menu.

Later there was this conversation:

BIL: “Can your grandma hear me? Does she have her hearing aids in?”

Me: “Probably not.”

BIL: *turns towards grandma, who is sitting at the next table* “Happy Birthday, Roberta!”

GM: ……………………..

BIL: “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROBERTA!”

Me: *laughing*

GM: …………………………..

Me: “Try one more time.”

BIL: “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROBERTA!!!!”

GM: “You’re welcome.”

BIL: ………………………………..

ME: “Yep. Guess not.”

13 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

Wow. Grandma turns 85 and you take her to Olive Garden.

Pulled out all the stops, did ya?

Daffy said...

Sometimes to helps to pound on the table....or give Grams a wet willy. Then you'd know for sure when you short circuit something and buzz the shit out of you both that she did in deed have her hearing aids in. She may even thank you....could be the most action she's seen in awhile....

Daffy said...

Oh ya....ummm...next time Duck *wink*

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Okay that was funny. Love grandma already. More grandma adventures on your posts.

Yeah, I agree with Little man from Manchester = Mooooog (love him).

LiLu said...

What! Pictures to prove it!

The Blue Zoo said...

Thats what you get for smarting off where the waitress can hear you. lol Hopefully she didnt spit in your food!

Cheeseboy said...

I always find the Olive Garden's loogies to be the most tasty. Much better than Macaroni Grill.

Cassie said...

I guess the waitress doesn't believe when you're here, you're family. Then again, maybe she treats her family like that too.

June said...

You know she was actually thinking "Damn it! I missed the asshole"

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Mad Woman said...

I wish someone would take me to the Olive Garden. I'd throw the menu right back at the nasty cow.

adrienzgirl said...

OMG! You are like going to dinner with my BIL. You can't take him out in public either.

Pat said...

Remind me never to go out to eat with you. :) I'm SURE they spit in your food! Don't you know you should never rile the staff? C'mon!

ScoMan said...

Every time I go anywhere I have to pull matrix like maneuvers to dodge flying menus, and I'm like "Why do you even have a menu at the post office?"

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