Monday, April 19, 2010

More From Olive Garden

Waitress: “Sorry sir, but I’m going to reach over you."
Me: “Better than a reach under. AND more appropriate than a reach around.”

*Watching sister put her 7th lemon slice in same glass of water*
Me: “Dang! Why didn’t you just order Lemonade!”
Sis: “Because I don’t have to pay for water.”
Me: “Nice! Sticking it to the Olive Man!”

Me: *pointing to something on the menu* “What is this stuff?”
Sister: “It’s some kind of pasta. Probably like Angelhair.”
Me: “GAWD! What is with this place and all the pasta?!”

Me: “That waiter is definitely gay.”
Sister: “How can you tell?”
Me: “Just has that look about him. Like on break, he probably goes in the back and fondles the olives and kisses the Italian sausages.”
Sister: “Shut it!”

*Waiter & Waitress to me at the EXACT same time*
Waiter: “Sir, would you like more Diet Coke?”
Waitress: “Sir, would you like more Salad?”
Me: …..Blink, blink…….
Waiter & Waitress: *Smiling patiently*
Me: “Who wants an answer first?”

*check comes*
Me: *looking at bill* “HOLY SH*T! $57 bucks for Olive Garden?”
Sister: “That’s because they add on a gratuity to everybody’s check for groups of eight or more.”
Me: *still looking at bill* “18%!!! $8 tip!!! Geez, they weren’t that good. Hell, what happened to 10%. I do 20% if it’s really good, but 18%? That totally takes away my tipping freedom! Olive Garden is communist!”
Sister: “Shut it! I used to be a waitress and it’s hard work, bub.”
Me: “I don’t doubt it, but that doesn’t mean I have to pay for their retirement.” *waving waitress over*
Sister: “What are you doing now?”
Me: “I am telling this chic I wasn’t with you people. I don’t know this group.”
Sister: “Hate to tell ya, but you brought 5. That’s practically a group by itself.”
Me: “The gratuity thing says 8. And 5 isn’t 8, unless you complete the top and bottom loops.”
Sister: “You’re an idiot.”


Anonymous said...

See i never understood the tipping thing. I mean waiters work damn hard. But living off of our tips is just wrong. Why should some business employ these people to work for THEM yet expect US to pay them? Isn't that slave labour? Shouldn't the business be paying them a wage and a gratuity be just that - a reward for extra good service, of a couple of bucks, from the customer?

Most countries work that way just not the U.S., who use percentages so that WE pay the waiter's wages and not the employers. Is it me or is that insane? It's why American waiters are usually alarmed at a table of Europeans because they think they'll tip low, which they often do because you know, Europeans sort of expect that the establishment pays their employees a living wage, like in the real world and that a tip is just an extra.

I'm sorry what were you saying, I was ranting up a storm.

Momma Fargo said...


Coffeypot said...

Shut it! The food at OG is delicious and worth an $8 tip. I mean you had TWO people offer you service at the same time. If two hookers offered me serice at the same time, I would gladly give them an $8 dollar tip.

cfoxes said...

LOL. I was just there. Yeah, saw the gay waiter. But as for the others, not a problem.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

That is a really cheap bill. Good thing you didn't go to the Cheesecake Factory.

Kimi@SoManyKids said...

Ah nothing quite like a family outing to warm the soul!

Cassie said...

There were 8 of you at the table and the bill was only $57? Admit it you were filling up on salad and breadsticks.

Cassie said...

There were 8 of you at the table and the bill was only $57? Admit it you were filling up on salad and breadsticks.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Your sister summed it up nicely in the last line. I am thanking my stars above that I never had to wait on your cheap ass.

Bombshell BLISS said...

You're getting how many blog posts out of this one experience? It was worth the tip just for the mileage that you are getting from the experience.

BeckEye said...

I'm craving those breadsticks now.

I worked as a waitress for many years, before all this "automatic gratuity" bullshit became all the rage. It's kind of like giving the wait staff permission to slack off. If someone gives you lousy service, you shouldn't be forced to tip them. And there's a LOT of lousy service out there now.

Mad Woman said...

How the hell did you get away with only $57 for 8 people? I need to come eat with your cheap ass ;-)

adrienzgirl said...

For future reference you can refuse the gratuity. Just sayin'.

Also...they kinda deserved it for putting up with your MOUTH. :D

carissajaded said...

Can I please come to Olive Garden with you next time.. and you front the bill? I don't do that "you tell me what to tip" shit...

But I do do that 7 lemons in my water shit. You're sister is a genius just like me.

Pat said...

Wait. Are you saying it's WRONG to fondle the olives and kiss the Italian sausage? Dang!

Moooooog35 said...

8 of you cost under 60 bucks and YOU'RE COMPLAINING.

I guess I'm just not used to divvying up 2 meals for everyone.

So spoiled.

Daffy said...

I'm sure I had something great to say....Coffey's comment sent me into a fit of giggles and I totally forgot.

I really like your sister...she's my kind of people. Although, idiot would not have been my first choice of words for you. Justsayin

Tony said...

Damn! Last time I went to Olive Garden was with Merkin and our bill was like 39 dollars! Teach me your ways!

AtYourCervix said...

I somehow think that the $57 bill was for two people - who were part of a group of 8 or more.

Personally, my BF and I go to OG and order drinks, appetizer, meals, and coffee. We spend (LOL) way more than $57 for two people. Plus the tip on top of that.


Humor & Funny Blogs - BlogCatalog Blog Directory