Friday, April 16, 2010

Odd Job Postings or Choose Your Death Wisely

So, I was looking at job postings today and I found something interesting. There are several postings for a Lifeguard at Edwards Air Force Base. That’s not the interesting thing. It is, after all, the Air Force. Everybody knows Flyboys can’t swim. If it had been Navy, then it would have been interesting.

No, the interesting part was this:

Lifeguard…..Edwards AFB……$22,638
Lifeguard…..Edwards AFB……$25,454
Lifeguard…..Edwards AFB……$26,193
Lifeguard…..Edwards AFB……$31,177

Why the discrepancy in pay? The job qualifications, descriptions, and titles are the same.

Are some expected to save more lives than others?

Does the pay vary by degree of tan?

I have no idea, but I hope I am never drowning at Edwards AFB when the cheap ass lifeguard is on duty. You get what you pay for.

P.S. If you plan on drowning at Cape Hatteras, you’re screwed. The posting for the lifeguard there says $10 an hour, which works out to only $20,800.

P.S.S. This reminds me of when I worked in the Navy Hospital in Memphis and we would get attempted suicides in the ER. Marines would occasionally decide to end it all by drinking a bottle of detergent. Unfortunately, all this did was make them vomit and fart bubbles. Eventually, the docs would get pissed when the same ones kept showing up again and again. Several times they would tell the suicidal jarheads that if they were serious, they should drink bleach, but otherwise quit wasting their time. God love them, Marines are dumb. They get their brains beat out of them in training. That's why they believed us when we would tell them not to throw toothpicks in the urinals because crabs could pole vault.


Momma Fargo said...

LMAO! Funny!

And Marines are dumb. We have several. But we love them, and God does too. I guess. LOL.

Captain Dumbass said...

Hey, I'm still unemployed. Do I need to enlist to get the lifeguard job or can I just apply for a green card?

Pat said...

Maybe the lifeguards get paid more if they're working the fat beaches. I know I'd want a lifeguard who could carry me. I was a sign language interpreter signing a swim lesson (yeah, tell me about it). Let me tell you something about me - I hate water and bathing suits. I'm afraid of water and I'm fat. Okay. So this skinny-ass lifeguard girl around 16 yrs old said, "Don't worry, I can save you if you start drowning!" And I'm thinking, "Yeah, maybe my one leg or arm!" Even though I have big boobs they do NOT act like buoys in the water!

Moooooog35 said...

Does the Navy have pools and, if so, do THEY need lifeguards?

You'd figure they'd all know how to swim pretty good.

Daffy said...

Someone recently told me that muscle weighs more than fat....or maybe its more dense? Or gives off more heat? Shoot...and here I thought I was doing a good job of paying attention at the time. Guess my mind was otherwise occupied.

Umm....what was the question again?

Forgotten said...

You don't have to worry about drowning!

As my mom tells me, turds float...


ScoMan said...

Maybe the pay level varies depending on how revealing of an outfit you are prepared to wear.

If a man is prepared to wear a good, tight set of budgie smugglers or for a woman one of those stringy affairs they gets the top pay bracket.

Aimee said...

My husband is in the Army. My sister's husband is in the Marines. Que the requisite brother-in-law ball-busting jokes.'s a fun time at Thanksgiving Dinner.

The Office Scribe said...

The difference in pay has nothing to do with their qualifications or who they are saving - but instead with how much zinc oxide they can wear before being knocked off their perch into a doody filled pool.

Anonymous said...

I guess since they kept on drinking the detergent they enjoyed farting bubbles...??

Coffeypot said...

First of all you were wasting your time telling the Marines about throwing toothpicks in a urinal. You would first have to tell them what a urinal is…that it is not an Italian word for tree, flat rock or a latrine.

carissajaded said...

I would take 22K if I was allowed to sleep in the sun all day and drink appletinis. That is what lifeguards do right?


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