Friday, April 2, 2010

Oh Funny, Where Art Thou?

Me: “Hey man, where have you been?”
Funny: “Dude! Seriously?”
Me: “Yes, I’m serious. I need you bro. I got readers now. They depend on you making an appearance more often than Haley’s Comet.”
Funny: “Nice reference, Mr. Happy. Why don’t you leave the humor stuff to me?”
Me: “What’s that supposed to me?”
Funny: “Well, it just means that you suck without me.”
Me: “Not that. The Mr. Happy reference.”
Funny: “Look, I don’t know how to put this, but you’ve been in a happy-funk lately. It sickens me. It’s disgusting. This place…this head of yours….it’s all puppies and unicorns and flowers and rainbows and e*trade babies…….it’s too cute in here. Makes me want to vomit. Are you turning gay?”
Me: “What?! What the hell kind of question is that? Of course not! I mean, yeah, I have developed a new obsession with Lady GaGa, but it’s not like I’m driving around with a rainbow sticker on my car and singing showtunes.”
Funny: “Well, something’s wrong. Maybe it’s from restarting your Prozac. Or maybe it’s this fitness kick and all the weightloss. OH….wait……….It’s your wife, isn’t it? She gave you another Niceness challenge, didn’t she?”
Me: “She did not. Maybe it’s a combination of the fitness and meds thing. I’m pretty sure there is more to it than that, though. A lot more. I…..am…..just……happy.”
Funny: *wretches*….“Oh man….I’m gonna be sick again”….*wretches*
Me: “Why is my happiness such a bad thing for you?”
Funny: “Let me put it like this. We, and by “we” I mean “I”, am an asshole. I thrive on being mean. Making fun of people….things…..life stuff in general. It’s what I do! And I just find this current environment non-conducive to my craft. I refuse to work in a hostile work place.”
Me: “That’s too bad. I am pretty sure the happy attitude is here to stay for awhile. But, I hate seeing you in pain, so I’ll tell you what I’ll do. This weekend, I’ll take you out in public. Maybe we’ll go to the mall or Walmart. Surely, you’ll find something or someone there that will peak your interest.”
Funny: “Can we point fingers and laugh at the trashy Walmart people?”
Me: “Hey! WE shop at Walmart!”
Funny: “I don’t mean everybody that shops at Walmart is trashy. I just mean there ARE trashy people that GO TO Walmart.”
Me: “Oh. Okay then. In that case, yeah, we can do that.”
Funny: “Can we trip the old people that do their walking at the mall?”
Me: “What is wrong with you? Seriously!”
Funny: “What? Old people falling is FUNNY!”
Me: “You need help.”

14 comments:

June said...

I always look my sexy best when I go to Walmart, Mr.Ed

Happy, happy, happy!!!

Cassie said...

Ever since I saw this site, http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ I too always dress up when I go to walmart. But go ahead and point, I could use the attention.

Daffy said...

Maybe I should just kick your ass....bring back the 'asshole'? Its possible.

You - Me - St. Louis....28 days

Dude

Lady GaGa? For real?

Rainbows aren't too bad...you know...there's usually a pot of gold at the end...

Tgoette said...

I think those people of Walmart are too cool. I keep trying to get on that site but so far no luck...even with wearing bunny slippers with suspenders over a bedazzled pink half-shirt with my gut hanging out and tiny yellow shorts exposing a mile of butt crack. Come on down, I'll give you something to point and laugh at!

I gotta go there anyway to get my Elton John sunglasses and Viking helmet.

Tony said...

When I was a kid, my church had this really, really, really old priest, and he collapsed during mass one Sunday morning. At first, I was like, "Oh, no!" Then I turn around, and I see my friend Peter with this shit eating grin on his face, laughing his ass off, and I started to laugh too. I felt terrible. And so should you, Funny. So should you.

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Tell Funny to vacay in my brain. It's always bitchy up in here.

He may never return to you when he lays his eyes on my female Funny.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

FYI: ANYONE falling is funny. It's just one of nature's definites, like the seasons changing and the world spinning. Get used to it. :)

I can't find my funny either. It must be on vacation with your funny although I hadn't noticed yours missing.

Coffeypot said...

Wal Mart is cool…you might have seen my picture there a few times. I might even post one of them on my blog today. Sometimes Mr. Funny needs some time off to rejuvenate just like we do.

The Office Scribe said...

I can't remember what I was going to comment because a little white dog just attacked someone carrying a couch outside my building.

Hilarity ensued.

The end.

ScoMan said...

Funny has a point. There is nothing that makes me laugh more than an old person falling over.

I once saw an old person fall down the stairs and I was in tears laughing. My friend I was with rushed down real concerned to help them up.

I guess he has some sort of problem. Obviously he has no sense of humor.

The Blue Zoo said...

Wal Mart is always good for some laughs.

Happy is good. Happy and Funny CAN work together ya know. =)

Moooooog35 said...

Are you trying to tell us you had FUNNY before?

The more you know.



This is what you get for being so mean to me lately.

Ji said...

yes, fun stuff,

Ji said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/04/04/easter-sunday-awards-to-fill-your-basket/

Happy Belated Easter!

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