Friday, March 26, 2010

I Survived the Land of Banjo Music

I’m back.

I just returned from a lovely, fun-filled, family vacation (sarcasm) in the Smokie Mountains.

I kid. It was great.

For those of you who have never been, the area of Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge is a built up touristy area located at the foothills of The Great Smoky Mountains National Park.

There are shops and restaurants and hotels and go-carts and mini-golf and dinner shows and aquariums and craft places and shootmeinthefacenowpleases and all kinds of family fun.

I prefer calling it Hillbilly Vegas.

If you are the sort of A-hole who always likes to correct people, you might be saying, “I thought Branson, Missouri was called Hillbilly Vegas.” To which I would reply, “Why thank you, A-hole, for reminding me of that. However, Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg are basically the same as Branson, only with a lot less God and Jesus.”

But since its farther east, I should call it, Hillbilly Atlantic City.

Regardless, I am home.

We were going to stay until this Saturday, but the weather was supposed to get crappy. Plus, coming back early saves money. Saved money equals happy wife. Happy wife equals happy husband. *eyebrow waggle*…….hahaha…I wish

I was trying to keep up with everybody’s blogs while I was gone, but the “High Speed” wi-fi at the hotel was slower than dial-up. (Might want to work on that….ahem…..Best Western)

So, after my reader got up over 500 posts, I just hit Mark All As Read and pretended you never happened.

It’s like I never left.

If you did write something really funny that I missed, let me know and I’ll swing by and comment.

Also, my kids now refer to me as Daddy Texts-A-Lot, after spending most of my time on my phone texting peoples.

I see no problem here.

I just pretend it’s my rapper name.


The Princess of Sarcasm said...

All of my posts where hilariously funny. I expect a comment on every. single. one.

What are you waiting on?!

BTW, you were kind of close to me when you were in Gatlinburg. Did you feel the greatness?

MJenks said...

Gatlingburg/Pigeon Forge is garishly awesome. We drove through it last summer. Or, no, two summers ago. We were impressed by how gaudy a place could be.

We're thinking of hitting Cherokee, NC sometime in the near future, which is just one winding-ass road over the Appalachians away from Gatlinburg.

Coming down out of the mountains at night into Gatlinburg is awesome.

Momma Fargo said...

I'm with the Princess...all of our posts were funny...get to reading...slacker.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Yeah we were all award winning pricelessly funny while you were gone. Sucks to be you, Eddie.

Actually, I've been so swamped lately that the old "mark all as read" button's been getting a work out from me too. It's unavoidable. Busy awesome people just don't have time to read everything everyday. Right?

Tony said...

Well, I'm glad you and the fam had fun, you lazy man! Not reading our blogs...what's wrong with you, sir?!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

Welcome back. I must say I pride myself on the fact that I have never vacationed anywhere with the word pigeon in it's name.

Other than being called a cunt for no good reason, you didn't miss much.

mooneyequalsmc2 said...

welcome home!

mooneyequalsmc2 said...

welcome home!

Travis said...


Fuck the internet in the Lou.

We're gonna burn that city to the ground.

Imagine the blog posts about THAT.

Cassie said...

I wasn't getting comments from you so I went into mourning and was wearing sackcloth and ashes. Now you tell me, you only went on vacation. SMH.

ScoMan said...

You're forgiven, only because when I got back from when I was away and had over 500 posts I just hit "Mark all as read"

So I didn't even know you were gone, because you must have mentioned leaving in one of those.

So I guess I owe you a "Have a good trip!"

Captain Dumbass said...

They should give you a Japanese girls name. That would be funny.

Just trying to help.

Daffy said...

Daddy texts a's a good rapper name. Now you just need a Mr. T starter kit and some big assed girls bumpin on your're all set.

Glad to have you back. You were missed.

Not by me...but I'm sure someone missed you.

Daffy said...

No, I'm not drunk

Okay...maybe I am

Or not

Or just a little tipsy....


Coffeypot said...

You were so close, should have called me for a cold beer and dinner.

Maybe next time. I don't think I have ever posted anything funny enought to go back and read, but you are welcome too if you like.

adrienzgirl said...

WTF? Wednesday had some good ones.

You didn't text me. Ass!

I missed ya! Your absence was definitely noted!

Big Daddy Cain and Daddy Texts-a-Lot sounds like an awesome rap duo. I'll let him know, you all can take the baby and go on the road!

Melissa said...

You couldn't take the time out to read all the blogs? Really? I mean 500 you should have read and applied to all in oh less than 72 hours...non stop, lots of coffee, and a snack here and there.

Alyxmyself said...

Well I posted a video that I think was funny if you don't feel like reading. I dunno who you feel more strongly against, the fundamentalist muslims in Iraq or gays, but if the Taliban wins go watch it :)

The Blue Zoo said...

I didnt write anything funny.

But I guess its ok since Im not on the funny list.

Tamara aka Cheapskate Mom said...

I think that your kids should tweat your name a little bit - to Daddy Texts-A-Ton that way you can refer to yourself as D-TAT in rapper talk!

Tamara aka Cheapskate Mom said...

Tweak. Shit. I can't type.

Moooooog35 said... entire week last week was an all-star posting event.

What the Hell.

carissa said...

Wait, you were gone?

I kid. Seriously, I missed my daily dose of assholery. I think any weekend where you gain a rap name is a win. I'm glad you survived. And you should probably check out all my awesome posts and giveaway that you missed.

Matty said...

I've been there a few times. It's especially nice in the outskirts where it's more country and less commercialized.


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