It’s Tuesday already. Holy Shmoly.
You might be asking yourself about me, “Where has he been? And how is he reading my mind? And how is he still doing it? And will he know if I think of something bizarre and off the wall like…..Pink Pickled Pigs Pheet? Or….Unicorn Horn-on-the-Cob? DANG IT! He’s good at this mind reading stuff, but that still doesn’t explain his absence.”
Well, let me answer all your questions with subliminal telepathic morse code.
“Ahem -..--.-.--…-.-.----..-.-…-…--.--.---.----.-.--.--.----.-…--lazy--..-.--…-.-…---.---.-…----..-.-.-.---.TV Olympic Coverage--.---.-.---.-..-…..--.-.-.—diet & exercise--…..-..-.--.----.-.--.-.-.-.--..--…..--.--.-.--.----.-…busy @ work.-.-.------…-.-.---.-….-.---.-.—planning vacation--.-.-.-….---.-.--.---.-.-.-.---.---.---…---….-.-.---.-.-F*#@ the Mayans”
(pretend I said all of that with my mind)
So, I’ve been getting FAT.
I hate that.
Sweet rhyming skills aside, I have been letting myself go.
I don’t know how fat, because I don’t own a scale, but my pants have stopped fitting.
MY BIG PANTS.
I still remember my glory days.
5’8”……172 lbs……3% bodyfat……17”biceps…..28” waist……YES, I was 18, but so what.
Now………..5’4 ½”…….200+ lbs…..1,000,000% bodyfat……36+” waist
I’m almost taller lying down.
I can’t take it.
I used to workout a lot.
I played sports in school.
I was in the military.
I have belonged to a gym off and on my entire adult life.
I used to work in a doctors office in Michigan City and I got to be pretty good friends with one of the physicians there. (Dr. A!) We used to workout after work at the local YMCA.
Then I moved.
I quit working out.
I started working at the VA, where I would sit on my butt all day, eating carry-in food and snacking.
I got fat.
Eventually, I joined the local YMCA in Marion.
I started working out at lunchtime. I got lean again.
Then someone complained about my “long lunches” (which was BS).
So I quit going to the YMCA, and started blogging during my lunch hour instead.
I got fat again.
Basically, I’m the poor white Oprah.
Regardless, I have resolved to get my waistline back to at least one zip code.
No more junk food.
No more sitting all day.
No more blogging during lunch (in fact, no blogging from work at ALL---expect more infrequent and erratic blog posts from now on---mostly in the late evenings), but instead I’ll be walking the hallways.
Nightly workouts at home are the new norm.
So last night was my first time working out in 6 or 7 months. Basically, since I started this blog.
I was going to try that P90X series, which I got from a friend.
I quickly realized that I valued my life too much to jump right into that. I need to get into shape BEFORE I get into shape.
Instead, I rode my Schwinn Recumbent Exercise bike for 20 mins, then did a couple sets of push-ups and pull-ups.
Two things I noticed:
1. My plan to start slow was foiled by my over-eager definition of the word “slow”.
2. My belly has decided to conspire against my workout efforts by preventing my decent while in the push-up position. (Imagine a teter-toter….as my chest goes toward the floor, my feet are driven towards the ceiling.)
However, after I finished and showered and got past the feelings of imminent death, I actually felt AWESOME.
I was slightly disappointed that my six-pack abs hadn’t instantly returned. But I quickly forgot about that, thanks to half a gallon of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey.
UPDATE: I almost forgot. Cheesecake made me a "button". Thanks Cheese. It's over there on the side bar if you want it.