Canada & The Winter Olympics Is Like A Monkey Having Sex With A Football.
Let me start by saying…I LOVE THE OLYMPICS!
Yes, the Olympic Spirit.
The whole world coming together.
The pride in one’s country (USA, USA, USA!)
Even the sappy made for TV backstories.
And since I never get to travel, I also enjoy seeing documentorial footage on the host countries (Canada Has Polar Bears? Who Knew?).
But Seriously, COME ON CANADA!
I mean, I expect you to screw up BACON.
But if anybody was going to eff up the WINTER Olympics, I would have never thought it would have been YOU.
Summer Olympics? YES.
Winter Olympics? Get the eff outta here!
First, your cauldron thingy doesn’t work when it’s being lit, so it ends up looking like a three-legged dog.
Then, you kill a luger with your “super fast” track. Nice Canada. Real Classy.
Not to mention all the delays and crap.
Most importantly, WHERE IS ALL YOUR SNOW?!?!?!
The one thing you can be counted on to provide, (besides native Hockey players & funny dressed cops on horses) and you eff that up!
You guys can’t even make that shit right.
You got guys out there filling in the holes on the courses with straw.
Because straw equals snow in retarded Canada.
Then, the snow that you trucked in starts melting. There's just torrents of water running down the hillside.
Now the Snowboardcross racing looks like a surfing contest at Waikiki, minus the hot chicks.
You know who you should ask for help?
They got tons of the white stuff, and I’m not talking Columbian.
The snow thing would be bad enough in and of itself.
The freaking speedskating was delayed because the rink ice had turned into a melty slushy mess.
IT’S AN INDOOR RINK!
Hell, even Florida can keep ice frozen indoors.
And they have trouble punching holes in paper down there.
You know who’s fault all this is, don’t you?
You know who Canada should be pissed at?!
Him and his global warming.
Thanks for screwing up our Olympics, CANADA and Al Gore!
P.S. Is it just me, or is finding a straight mens figure skater like finding the lost city of Atlantis?
P.S.S. When I said Canada was retarded, I meant no offense, and was just speaking literally.
P.S.S.S. Al Gore sounds like Ass Whore, if you squint while saying it.
P.S.IV. <--roman numerials
P.S.V. Curling is like bowling for lazy people who don't have balls. Hahahahahaha