Monday, November 23, 2009

Memoir Monday.......I'm BACK my bitches

I’m back!


Sort of.


I kind of took an unofficial break from blogging.


I’m sure you spent many sleepless nights wondering what was wrong, and where I went, and why I wasn’t famous yet.


Was that just me? Ooops.


Anyway, I just didn’t have anything funny or worthwhile to say......Not that I ever do, but more so than normal.


My Depression/Anxiety has been kicking my ass lately. But, since I haven’t eaten a bullet or swerved into a tree yet, I figured I would write something today. Who knows, maybe it will be my last.

It’s Memoir Monday, after all, Thank Travis.


He’s like the Buddha of Mondays.
Yeah, he’s not Indian and he’s got bright orange hair, but so what.
He’s still fat and full of knowledge.
And he looks cute sitting cross-legged on a mantel.

So here goes:


Fun times with McDonald’s


This was probably Junior year of High School. Maybe Sophomore. Whatever, it was in High School. JT and I did our semi-usual skip of wrestling practice. This normally occurred when we were supposed to be running the locker hallways, only we would turn and head out the door and over to his house.


This particular day, we ended up at McDonalds. Since we had friends/classmates that worked there, we could usually get free food. First though, I had to unload some extra baggage (i.e. take a steamy dump).
Now, in my defense, I am pretty sure that our McDonald’s had just finished remodeling. There is no other way to explain why I would have went right instead of left, after going to these same McDonald’s restrooms my whole life.


Regardless, I went in and sat down and began assaulting the toilet.


J.T. followed me in to wash his hands……..Not in the toilet, DUH!


Anyway, neither of us noticed the lack of urinals or the skirt on the door. About that time, a lady came in, and asked J.T. what he was doing in the women’s restroom. He started laughing like a little girl and ran out.


I’m stuck.


I just sit quietly and continue doing my business.


So does the lady.


Although, she wasn’t as quiet as me………Ladies are noisy poopers.


I wait for her to finish and leave, and then I hightail it out of there.


Of course, J.T. is sitting outside, still laughing his ass off.


Another time:


I was cruising around with my friends Jeremy (God rest his soul) and Ryan. We were all piled in the front seat of my mom’s Chrysler K-Car Station Wagon, like a bunch of homos. (It was wintertime, and that was the closest seat to the heater)


So, we were rolling in our ghetto hoopty, and Ryan suddenly demands a Cheeseburger. (He’s the only one who has any money)


Regardless, I decide if he wants a burger, he’ll order it HIMSELF……..So I BACK through the drive through.


Let’s just say the McDonald’s Manager did not find it as funny as us or the cute girl at the window did.


The Manager gave us a stern talking to and banned us from returning to that McDonald’s.


Whatever……….She was just jealous of my SWEET backwards driving skills.


Here’s a cool tip:


We used to do this all the time, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal, so try it at your own risk.


We used to pull into McDonald’s, go in and say, “I just went through the Drive Thru and they forgot my Fries.” BINGO! Free Fries.


Then we would drive over to Hardees and do the same thing, only this time it was the cheeseburger. BINGO! Free Cheeseburger.


Then, you could hit Wendy’s for a Frostee and now you got a FREE meal.


No need to thank me.


And NO, I will not come bail you out.


25 comments:

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

i did that clear from colorado to ohio. i ran out of money on a school trip and when the bus would stop at mcdonald's we would place the orders then one of my friends would say they didn't get their burger someone else would say they didn't get their fries etc. they've ruined all that now with their damn receipts

adrienzgirl said...

Glad you haven't swerved into a tree, or driven off the edge of a bridge, or hung yourself in a closet or whatever.

You musta had some serious backwards drivin' skills! Freakin' grown ups. No sense of humor. Like EVER.

Daffy said...

I always knew you were a bitch

...remodeling the bathroom my ass....

Moooooog35 said...

Lying: The best way to get loaded with saturated fats since 1958.

Travis said...

Ah.

The poop in the ladies bathroom.

All I can see is Creed wearing headphones and shouting,

"I'm a pretty normal guy, except one thing. I like to go number 2 in the ladies restroom. I've been caught several times, and I've paid dearly."

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I like that...great way to feed the kids for free!!

Amber said...

thats great! You can do that at T-bell to, depending on where you are. The T-bell here if they mess up your order you just go back and tell them, well call them first so they know your coming. Then you get a new of whatever you wanted for free so i'm sure it would work along the same lines as MCD, hardees and wendy's

Cassie said...

One time my husband ordered nuggets and then told them he didn't order that he wanted a chicken sandwich....$4 upgrade for free.

Arizona Mamma said...

My first job ever was at McDonald's. I was tasked with the exciting duty of taking out the trash at a lull. I had been working drive thru prior to that. A co-worker was covering for me as I was outside. On my way, I had a clear view of the cars/people in them while they ordered their food. A guy pulled up, my co-worker took his order, and he waited. While he waited, I hit the button on my headset (which still worked outside) and begain to serenade him. He thought it was hilarious. My co-worker thought I was hitting the button that only she could hear. She was mortified when the guy remarked about her singing abilities. I nearly died I was laughing so hard.

mepsipax said...

You back through the drive thru today and they will call the cops.

Whatever, me and my friends would sit in the McD's near the theater waiting for the movie to start and order one soda between us and share it. The manager would get pissed as we got refills. Whatever, it's free bitch.

Coffeypot said...

I had a similar experience. Back in the day I was a Coca Cola route salesman and had just deliverd an order to an elementary school when I got the calling. I found a restroom and went in. I had just finished and was about to get up when a woman teacher came in. Luckily she didn’t want to use the John (not me, the commode) as it was a one seater. Instead she too her blouse off and worked on her tits in her bra or something. Satisfied with her work, adjustment or what ever, she put her blouse back on and left. I got the hell out of there, too.

Carol said...

I had a friend that would go through the drive-thru at McDonald's and order a glass of water - that was it.
She was a little off.

Sally-Sal said...

I like your mad free skillz, yo.

The Blue Zoo said...

McDonalds managers never have a sense of humor!

Phillipia said...

Missed ya, Ed:) Glad you are back.

This fall has been depressing in so many ways for a lot of people I know. Hopefully the sun will shine down brightly on all of us soon.

FYI: Phillipia, being a good Catholic girl, never did any of this illegal stuff you and your heathen readers are confessing to:)

ScoMan said...

I had a friend back through the drive through once as well. I forget why, I think it's because our friends were in another car behind us and he wanted to wave to them. I was in the passenger seat and still made him order.

The passenger shouldn't have to do any thing. They're just there for the ride.

Kimi @ SoManyKidsSoLittleTime said...

I'm gonna have to ask you to avoid trees at all costs cause I'm enjoying your blog. Loving the fast food stories. The backwards drive thru was friggin classic!

Secretia said...

That is some funny stuff.

Secretia

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

um that is an amazing tip. And I thought I was the queen of scoring free shit.

Heather Leigh said...

Nice to have you back. I too took a break from blogging due to life in general kicking my ass. Hope all is well on your end. :-)

Tamara aka Cheapskate Mom said...

Ed! How the hell are ya? It seems like ages since we traded jabs!

This is so funny! True about the free stuff - though I haven't tried it. I was in Mc D's drive through yesterday and they handed me two pumpkin pies I didn't order. For a moment I thought about keeping them but I just couldn't do it.

I did however have to turn around and go back when I realized my son's happy meal was missing a juice box...

Don't let that anxiety/depression thing get in the way of what you got going here. I <3 your blog. I <3 You. Just tell the Dr to get you on some good shiz so you don't feel all down. Funny people aren't funny when they are depressed, lol

kys said...

I've never backed up in the drive through but I have received a speeding ticket in one.

hotpants™ said...

I never did that, but can guarantee you that some of my guy friends did.

MP said...

Friends and I once backed through the Jack in the Box drive through, smoking a joint, and were told to "turn the car around and PUT THAT THING OUT".

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