Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Tuesday's Quickies........

A few years back, Dr. A and FNP Mike wanted to take me to Hooters for my birthday. While deciding the logistics of getting there, FNP Mike suggested we try the new Hooters that just opened in South Bend. Although the Merrellville Hooters was closer, for some reason we agreed to this. Dr. A and I followed FNP Mike to South Bend.......After spending what seemed like two hours driving around in the car, Mike leads us into the parking lot of a restaurant.....One problem.......The sign says HONKERS!.........Mike apologized for the mix-up and we went inside anyway.........I think we were just curious to see if all the waitresses had really big noses.

When I was in Corpsman School in the Navy at Great Lakes, I would often eat lunch in this shaded courtyard behind the school. It had lots of really big trees and picnic tables and wildlife. In fact, there was one squirrel who would come right up to you for food. We nicknamed him Skittles, cause he loved them. I could actually get Skittles to climb up my leg to take cheesy-peanut butter crackers that I held at waist level. Awhile after I had finished school, I found out someone had killed Skittles......He must have tried the leg thing with them.....They probably thought he was going for their nuts.

Stupid news stories are everywhere. I love checking the Odd News section on Yahoo. Sometimes, it's just the newspeople that make the stories stupid.
Just last night a news promo came on and the lady said this:
"A Women was mulled to death by a bear. Tonight we'll talk about that lady's relationship to the bear!".....................I'm not tuning in for that........I know.....Her relationship was his lunch.

There was also the time a local paper ran a sublime story about something they thought was news worthy. It quickly became national news when the main source quoted was identified as a Mr. Jack Meoff.....How this passed the editor isn't clear, but the female reporter who quoted Mr. Meoff numerous times in the story was eventually let go.

My all time favorite.....Probably the one I heard that went something like this...(Yes, this was an actual news story from a few years back, but I don't remember if I read it or heard it on the radio, so suck it)......"A UPS driver noticed a strange bundle near the road while driving his route. He stopped to investigate and realized someone had thrown out a roll of carpet along the road. However, the carpet had the strong smell of death, so he called the police. Upon examination and unrolling of the carpet, it was found to contain a headless body. Police are still trying to determine the identity of the victim, and (here's the kicker) the coroner's office hasn't determined a cause of death."................I'm not a doctor........but wouldn't the whole lack-of-a-head thing play a part in that?

Just sayin'

More later.......hopefully funnier too....

7 comments:

Travis said...

When I was working at the Sheriff's Office, I had a deputy call in a license number for me to run. It came back to a Head, Dick. Yeah. This guy was dead, but the deputies still ran his number on new dispatchers. Not classy.

phairhead said...

a woman in Taiwan tried to divorce her husband because he has a small penis. the court denied her request. maybe wanna test drive the car before you buy it. just sayin'

adrienzgirl said...

This one time....at band camp....

Alison said...

I was once called to be a juror on a case where the man had sold cocaine to the SAME cop 4 times....and he said it wasn't him. When the judge asked if anyone thought he was guilty without hearing the case....I had to raise my had. Cuz, Really 4 times to the same cop...dude you are guilty!!

Daffy said...

Big Bowl of Stupid is sold in the breakfast asile at all discount retailers and even qualifies for being purchased with food stamps.

Ed Adams said...

Travis: I hope Mr. Head wasn't in any tr....oh, I get it.

phairhead:Or maybe you want to ride the horse before you....wha?
Anyway, tiny in Taiwan must mean he was hung like an amoeba.

adrienzgirl: Go on.....That story stop right as it was getting to the good part.

Alison: And they say our justice system is broke. Ha.

Daffy: Do you know this from experience?

Mr. Apron said...

Excuse me, but it's DR. Jack Meoff. I realize it's only a doctorate of philosophy, but it still bloody counts, thank you very much.

BlogCatalog

Humor & Funny Blogs - BlogCatalog Blog Directory