Friday, September 18, 2009

Friday Funnies........the bits & pieces

Sometimes I'm curious. Here's some of the things that run through my mind on occasion:

How long after the funeral do you think Patrick Swayze's wife waited before she went to see Whoopi Goldberg?

The other day I went to the Circle K. I was paying and the guy hands me a BRIGHT pink pen that says PURE ROMANCE on the side, to sign the credit slip. What's that about? Isn't that those parties the ladies have, where they pass around the fake man bits and parts? (not that I would know) What's he doing with that pen? What's he trying to tell me?

Last night I called to order a pizza. The guy on the other end starts running through their specials. My mind always. Anyway, I come back too, just in time to hear him say..."if you want me to hand toss it, that's a dollar extra."......Now I'm thinking..."What! Toss what by hand? I don't know if I feel right about where this call is going. I thought I was just calling to order a pizza. Why would I pay someone else to.........OH, the pizza crust......that's a good deal......yeah"...So, like a moron, and not totally sure my mind is back to normal, I ask, "Is it GOOD that way?"

The wife read where Michael Jackson's mom and kids are getting $86,000 a month. A MONTH! That's more than I make in a year. A LOT MORE! I had just read where she had hired a lawyer to see if she could get his will overturned so she could be executor of his estate, BUT only in a way that it wouldn't be seen as contesting the will. Here's why.......The will has a NO CONTEST clause, which states that anyone contesting the will gets NOTHING. I'm assuming that the judge didn't bite, since she's not being named executor........Oh well, I guess she have to find a way to get by on $86,000 A MONTH............Probably has the butler clipping coupons as I type.

Boys are disgusting. My youngest boy has gotten in trouble in the past for picking and wiping. I'm talking boogers on non-Kleenex surfaces. I can remember spending an hour with him one Saturday, as I yelled and he scrubbed his wall. See, his blue walls had started turning greenish-brown around his bed. Seems he had started himself a nice little collection, and it wasn't postage stamps (unless I missed that addition at the post office).
So, here's what happen the other evening:
I'm laying on the couch, doing important resting & relaxing. I've got the 2 youngest at home while the wife and oldest are at a book fair. The little ones are playing. I'm reading blogs on the computer, just deep in thought. Only, I'm having trouble breathing out of my nose. I'm an adult man. I'll pick if I want to. Oh, it's a good one too. I look around, but there's no box of Kleenex near bye, so I roll & shoot cause I'm comfortable and lazy. Besides, the vacuum will get it.
No sooner had the nasal intruder left my finger, when I hear this:


BUSTED! I raise my gaze to see the 5 year old standing there doing his best physical impression of his mom....hands on hips....angry eyebrows...frowny disapproving face. He continues:

"You just.............WHAT did you just flick?"

I'm a man! I'm the parent! I'm the boss! Who does he think he is?!

I answer:........." was lent. Yeah, I flicked a piece of lint"

I'm such a hypocrite.


Travis said...

I pick roll an flicka all the time? What's the big deal? You should have gotten another one out and flicked it his way. Also, if I ever make 86k a year, I'll have to change my pants every 10 minutes.

spleeness said...

oh my god. I think this just made my day! Absolutely nothing could make me frown now. Thanks for the Friday laugh, I needed that!!

Ed Adams said...

Travis: With $86K a year, you can afford NEW pants. With $86K A MONTH, you can afford someone to wipe your azz.

Spleeness: Thanks. I do what I can.

adrienzgirl said...

OMG...I just threw up a little in my mouth! I just have this booger phobia...and what the hell did I pull outta the gene pool? THREE effin little boys! :D And it's not even like I got lucky with my little girl (who will be an adult next Friday, or 18 anyway). She belches and farts more than the boys. [sigh] at least you made me laugh with the whole pizza tossin'

Ed Adams said...

adrienzgirl: Sorry about the boogs. That's a pretty common side effect of my blogs though. I'm thinking of renaming, "Food Revisited" or some such.

CK Lunchbox said...

The Patrick Swayze thing was wrong... funny as hell, but wrong. =-)

Why'd you clean the boogers off? Let him finish out the room, then paint over it and call it texture.

Ed Adams said...

CK: Thanks man. The painting thing is a good idea, but I figure we'll wait till he's a little older, then he can start with the ceiling.

The Demigoddess said...

Toss by hand? What else can you use to toss the crust? The feet, maybe? I'm just remembering a gruesome vid on YouTube where the baker used his dick to bore a hole on a donut.

Eew..i hate flashbacks like this. And now I won't eat donut again. Your fault.


Humor & Funny Blogs - BlogCatalog Blog Directory