Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Wacky Weird News Wednesdays: You WILL Read This!

As always, my comments in BLUE.
Sperm Bank Refusing Redhead Donors
(AP) DENMARK – In a classic case of supply and demand, the world’s largest sperm bank is no longer taking donation from redheads.
Cryos in Denmark has reached its capacity of 70 liters of semen (!!!) and a waiting list of 600 donors (Gingers: Always willing to lend a hand.) – so it can afford to pick and choose.
Director Ole Schou said, “There are too many redheads in relation to demand. I do not think you choose a redhead, unless the partner- for example, the sterile male-has red hair, or because the lone woman has a preference for redheads. And that’s perhaps not so many, especially in the latter case. (Haha)  The demand for redheads mainly comes from Ireland, where it sales like hot cakes.”

Nobody wants Ginger seed? Except other Gingers?
SHOCKING!

::sarcastic smirk::

Sorry Travis.

Armed robber asked for his coat back after bungled raid
(Daily Mirror) England - A FASHION-conscious armed robber bungled a shop raid – then returned to the scene of the crime to ask for his coat back.
Dopey gunman Anthony Gorman, 21, fled empty-handed after shopkeeper Michael Singh bravely fought off his robbery attempt.
But a few minutes later he went back to politely ask for his favourite £200 grey jacket, only for Mr Singh, 29, still shaken from having a gun pointed at his neck, to say: “Are you stupid? No, you can’t have it – get out.”

This is why you don't wear your good jacket when commiting a felony.

Triple axe killer Thomas McCulloch is let out of prison to chop down trees
(Daily Mirror) London - A TRIPLE axe murderer has been let loose in public – to chop down trees.
Thomas McCulloch completed a course at a nature reserve, where he helped clear a pathway by cutting trees and shrubs.
McCulloch and his gay lover Robert Mone butchered a nurse, a patient and a policeman at the State Hospital, Carstairs, South Lanarks, in 1976.
A prison source said: “He may be old now but there is evidence he is still a very dangerous man.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea to let a murderer like McCulloch near sharp implements like axes.” (You think?)
McCulloch, 63, on a life sentence, has been locked up for more than 40 years but has recently been allowed trips away from his open prison in Angus.

It is about time the prison system started making good use of a person's skillset.

Couple Accused of Stealing Millions Intended for Preschoolers’ Meals
(NY TIMES) NEW YORK - A Staten Island couple stole at least $2.5 million in federal funds meant for nutritious meals for preschoolers, prosecutors asserted in a criminal complaint unsealed on Friday.
The complaint accused the couple, Joanna Fan and her husband, Ziming Shen, of siphoning money over five years from accounts at the nonprofit Red Apple Child Development Center preschool chain, of which Ms. Fan, also known as Xiao Ping, is the executive director. The complaint accused the couple of using the money to make mortgage payments on several Manhattan condominiums and to benefit their private business interests, which include Preschool of America Inc., a chain of about a dozen for-profit preschools in Manhattan, Brooklyn and Queens.
The charge, theft from programs receiving federal funds, is punishable by up to 10 years in prison and a fine, said Robert Nardoza, a spokesman for the United States attorney for the Eastern District of New York. “As alleged in the complaint, this amounts to one of the largest lunch money thefts in history,” Mr. Nardoza said.

This is what happens to Childhood Bullies when they grow up.
ESPECIALLY if they are named after dropped silverware.

Kindergartener brings crack pipe, meth for show-and-tell

ST. LOUIS (Reuters) - A kindergartener in rural Sweet Springs, Missouri, brought a bag of crystal meth and a crack pipe to school for show-and-tell, but an alert teacher kept the boy from sharing his treasure with others at the school, an official said on Tuesday.
"He was very excited when he got to school," Superintendent Donna Wright said of the September 6 incident. "But I don't think he knew what he had."
A teacher recognized the drugs and pipe and police were called to the elementary school. "It didn't ever get into the classroom," Wright added.
"That was a first for show-and-tell in this town," Police Chief Richard Downing said. He added that the boy's mother, Michelle Cheatham, 32, was arrested later on drug charges and released on bail.
"It was shocking," Wright said. "We're not experienced with dealing with this."
The town, located 66 miles east of Kansas City on the Blackwater River, has 1,500 residents and about 425 students in its school system.

There are two things we can learn from this young man's example:
1.You don't Bogart that shit!
2. If you bring it to class, you better have enough for EVERYONE!

University forgets to tell students that professor died months ago

PHILADELPHIA (AP) — University of Pennsylvania students who were puzzled by a no-show professor later found out why he missed the first day of class: He died months ago.
The students were waiting for Henry Teune (TOO'-nee) to teach a political science class at the Ivy League school in Philadelphia on Sept. 13.
University officials say that about an hour after the class's start time, an administrator notified students by email that Teune had died. The email apologized for not having canceled the class.
Penn junior Mallika Vinekar was among those who waited. She tells the student newspaper The Daily Pennsylvanian that they just figured he was late.
Teune died in April at the age of 75.

Death is NO EXCUSE for being TARDY at UPENN.

9 comments:

Angie said...

I think you have to give the prison props for utilizing the skills of their inmates to the fullest potential!

Coffeypot said...

I love the kindergarten one. The kid gets up in front of the class, “Dees es my mama and papa sheet. I forget de spoon and I can’t bring de lighter cause I cannot play weeth fire. De needle es en my belt.“

And if you are gonna die without giving the class a warning, you won't make tenure.

Travis said...

Listen. It's strawberry blonde. Not red, and not gingery. Unless you're talking about the carpet.

Pearl said...

Everyone knows you dress down for a robbery.

Pearl

Joshua said...

As I said on another blog, I fancy redheads. A lot.

How does the 10 minute rule apply to this professor situation? If he's 10 minutes late and dead, you automatically pass?

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I HAVE A SOUL!!!

Joshua said...

FYI: I just saw this opinion piece rebuttal - Redhead Rebuttal

Dorn said...

Racialist Mother Effers! Though in truth I kinda back up the idea that only another redhead wants redhead's semen...both me and my wife are red heads. And yes, so are the kids.

Pat said...

How ironic that just as I was reading this post, The Today Show had a piece on how the Denmark sperm clinic is turning down donations from redheads! I can't believe that it makes National news!

Favorite joke in our 55 and up community in AZ:

"I needed a job when I got down here because my pension wasn't enough. So I got a job at the local sperm bank. I open the door for the customers. I tell them, "THANK YOU FOR COMING".
Snort. We STILL laugh at that. Yeah. We're like little kids. And any time someone says to me, "Thank you for coming" I try not to laugh out loud.

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