Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Stuff I Rarely Do

Very rarely do I pay attention to blog stats or traffic.
I have 3 different stat / traffic trackers on here, mostly from when I was a new blogger and cared.
After I hit 200 followers, I figured I was doing something that people liked and that made it worthwhile.
And SUPPOSEDLY the reason we blog is for ourselves. It’s supposed to be a creative outlet for our mundane day-to-day lives.
Or that’s what we tell ourselves and others.
As a humor blogger, knowing I make people laugh or smile is the greatest joy my blogging gives me.
So I must admit that I was a little disappointed when I looked at my last couple of weeks worth of blog stats.
The Funny Pages averaged 25 visitors a day.
F#@king 25?!
That’s 10% of the 250+ followers that are registered.
I entertain more than that at work. Is this blog even worth my time anymore?
Those other 225 (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) are liars.
By saying you’re a follower and then not, you are truly missing out.
Of course, it’s not like you’ll see this.

I also rarely answer the phone at home.  
I answer phones a lot at work and get my fill.
When I answer at home, it’s usually just bill collectors or telemarketers.
Anybody I know calls my cell phone.
On the occasion I do answer the home phone, I enjoy messing with the person on the other end.
Me: “Hello?”
Bill Man: “Mr. Adams?”
Me: “Well, that seems a bit personal, but last time I checked my shorts, YES, I am MR.Adams.”
Bill Man: “Mr. (First Name) Adams?”
Me: “You want Jr. or Sr.?”
Bill Man: “Ummmm….**typing and frantically flipping pages**….ummm”
Me: “Well?!”
Bill Man: “The one married to (wife’s name).”
Me: “That would be me.”
Bill Man: “Great!” **said with relief**….. “Can you verify the last four numbers of your social security number?”
Me: “Why?” (I KNOW why, but I hate how they always ask you to do that.)
Bill Man: “It’s to confirm your identity, so I know I am talking to the right person.”
Me: “Ha! YOU called ME! Don’t you KNOW who you are talking to?”
Bill Man: “Yes sir, but…”
Me: “GREAT! Then you do it. Or just skip that part.”
Bill Man: “It’s just a formality, sir, to confirm identity before I tell you why I’m calling.”
Me: “How about you tell me why you are calling first, and THEN I’ll confirm if it’s really me you are talking to.”
Bill Man: “I understand you’re hesitant to give out your social security information. How about you give me your date of birth?”
Me: “HA! Nice try, ‘Mr. Identity-theft-person’.”
Bill Man: “Okay, just month and day then.”
Me: “December 19th
Bill Man: “GREAT!...I must tell you, this is an attempt to collect a debt. Any information obtained during this call will be used solely for that purpose and may be recorded. Do you understand?”
Me: “Me no speaky no Englah”…**CLICK!**


Joshua said...

I don't have fun with people. I just get hostile until they hang up on me.

Coffeypot said...

I never answer the house phone. We keep it because Judy works from home sometimes and it is easier to used the speaker part for conference calls, etc. If anyone I know wants to talk to me they call the cell.

I have noticed, too, that if you don't post everyday or two people don't come back as often. So get off your lazy ass and post more.

Henrietta Collins (aka Kage) said...

i think the fact that it's summer has everyone's stats down. that or everyone is just a douche.

Kymilue said...

I read you through RSS Feeds, does that make a difference? I read but don't contribute :)

Ed said...

Kymilue: Thanks for letting me know. I'm not sure if those show up in the trackers or not, but I appreciate you doing so nonetheless.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Yeah dumbass, most of use READERS. Hello? :) Unless we come over and comment, your tracker probably isn't picking up on THAT. Pffft!

Jewels said...

Hilarious. I really need to take a more proactive role in messing with the people that call and annoy me. I just hang up...where is the fun in that? You have inspired me to be an absolute pain in the ass to people. Love it. hehe.

As for those poser followers...their loss.

Greg said...

Ed I love to mess with telemarketers and bill collectors. Like to pretend I can't speak English or talk dirty, even the guys. try to see how long it takes for them to hang up.

Momma Fargo said...

I'm a poser follower. Hit and run. Kind of like your posting. Post more often and we read more often...or get funnier. LOL. Just kidding.

EarthGirlsRFunny said...

New follower. I read.

And telemarketers suck as much as bill collectors. Mess with all of them...or at least until they come repo things. LOL

FastCarsFastWomen49 said...

I'm here, dude. Read, but never comment.

Ed said...

EarthGirlsRFunny & FastCaresFastWomen49: Thanks for your reading and following. Comments aren't necessary, but much appreciated. If you fix the "no-reply comment" in your blogger settings, it lets bloggers more easily reply by email to your comments, when you do leave them.

Just a tip. (TWSS)

otherworldlyone said...

Yeah, what Veg said.

I had the same issue - I quit checking my stats for months (also took a blogging hiatus) and now they're in the shitter. It's disheartening even if you "don't care". :)

If you really want to pick up more traffic, might I suggest using key search words thrown randomly into a post like: vagina, videos containing, and vagina.

Erin said...

I just discovered you today via Coffee and Zombie Movies and I think you are muy funny.

hotpants™ said...

Summer kills blog stats. I always read, don't always comment and never get here in a timely manner. But I do read even if it takes me 3 weeks to do so. :)

Mad Dadz said...

I just started a blog and am convinced that nobody will give a rat's a*s about me either. According to my stats, I'm right. Still, it's worth a look if only to say that you're part of the cool crowd who never reads a word I write.



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