Friday, April 8, 2011

PATRIOTISM! There's A Right Way And A Wrong Way.

You guys know I'm a patriot.

I love America!

I'm a veteran.

I work for the Fed.

The Fourth of July and all it's festivities are my favorite time of year.

I bleed Red, White, and Blue.

It's true. Cut me and just watch all the little Stars and Stripes come tumbling out.

That was not an offer, by the way. If you try to cut me, I will kill you.

But seriously, I'm a die hard American.

My mom was even born on the Fourth of July!

And not in a Hippy-Tom-Cruise-in-a-wheelchair way.

But patriotism is literally in my genes.

And in my jeans.

I keep a little flag in there to raise on my pole.

I mean a BIG flag.

I'm kidding.

About the flag part. Not the big part. **wink**

What was I saying?

Oh yeah, patriotism.

But sometimes, we take it so far in this country, we screw it up.

The other day, while in the car, I hear the National Anthem on the radio.

WTF?!

It's not sunrise or sunset.

It's noon!

Seriously, NOON?!?!

That's when you test the fire/tornado siren. NOT when you play the Anthem.

I'm thinking its the station signing off cause its the end of the world, and then kick myself for not watching more local news.

And we've all been brainwashed on what to do when we hear the Anthem, right?

We standup.

Take our hats off.

Put our hands over our hearts.

Face the flag.

If you're in military uniform, you salute.

If you're an Olympian, you attempt to lip sync the words in front of billions of people, only to eff it up royally.

And what am I supposed to do here?

I'm driving in a car.

I instinctively/reflexively try to standup, only to concuss myself on the roof.

Now what?

Do I pull over, get out, and stand by the car until its over?

Can I just pretend I'm listening to a different station? Nobody else will know.

Instead, I place my hand over my heart and sing along.

While plotting the nasty letter I will send to the station later.

13 comments:

Matty said...

Toot your horn, get their attention, and salute them with a smile.

Brutalism said...

Since you work for the Fed, does this mean you are "on vacation" next week, too?

Coffeypot said...

Dude, The National Defense Authorization Act of 2008, which took effect Jan. 28, 2008, allows former veterans and active duty vets in civilian clothes to salute the flag during the National Anthem or when the flag is raised or lowered or when in passing during a parade or what ever. I do, now. Salute, that is.

Momma Fargo said...

Nice. The only thought I got from that was as the popo...you are driving with one good leg and one hand and would be an accident waiting to happen. Disaster. At least you would have gone out a patriot and with the red (blood), white (of your eyes in shock), and blue (cast).

laughingmom said...

Maybe install some little presidential type car hood flags so you can be at the ready?...

Busted Kate said...

Yeah, that was my first thought... the station must have thought it was the end of the world. And then the next sentence, "I'm thinking its the station signing off cause its the end of the world." Two peas in a pod, you and I.

Jewels said...

Wow, that is a first, I have never heard the National Anthem on the radio. Ball games, hockey games, lacross games, well sure, but not in the car. I see how you'd be confused and thrown off. Haha...I'm seeing you pulled over, hand over your heart with the door open until it's over. Honestly, I'd probably want to do just that which is why I'd probably be super naughty and change the channel out of guilt for my rush and not being able to do just that.

dana said...

If you had only been driving a convertible, no problem!

Coffeypot said...

But I must say, if the Presidential limo came bye, I would salute it with me middle finger raise high.

Pat said...

Well, the first thought that came to MY naughty little mind was you raising your POLE and sticking your flag on it, then you could SALUTE THAT, right?

The Blue Zoo said...

Im just thinking how funny it would be to be driving next to some guy who's trying to stand up in his freaking car....

WhisperingWriter said...

The National Anthem comes on every day over the loudspeaker on the base at 4. Everyone has to stop. Sometimes I don't hear it and I keep going and am like, "lalala...shit, brake, don't hit the car in front of me! Oh, National Anthem is on..." Apparently I'm deaf.

Joshua said...

Lately there has been this Georgia Lottery radio ad, and a spot for Coca-Cola. It never fails that when I'm backing up, one of these ads will be playing. What's the big deal, you ask? They both suddenly break out the fucking car horn and make you think you're about to be slammed into by some douchnozzle flying through the parking lot.

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