After the x-ray tech yanked off my sock and I shouted, “Jesus Christ, LADY!”
...I was greeted with this...
And that is when the real fun began:
Me: “Holy shit! Would you look at that sucker?! It didn't look like that at the bowling alley!”
X-ray Tech: “Yeah. Sometimes the really bad ones take awhile to puff up.”
Me: “Well, it's doing a good job of it now. So, where do you want me?”
X-ray Tech: “I need to have you up here on this table.”
Me: “That's what she said.”
X-ray Tech: *blink, blink*
Me: *hoisting self out of wheelchair and up on table*
X-ray Tech: “Okay, I need to have you place your foot flat on the table, so you might need to bend your knee:”
Me: “Okay” *grimacing and trying to flatten out foot*
X-ray Tech: “Flatter. All the way down.”
Me: “I'm trying.”
X-ray Tech: *pushes my foot down flat*
Me: “Ouch. Damn it!”
X-ray Tech: “I know it hurts, honey.”
Me: “And THAT'S why you pushed down on it?!?!”
X-ray Tech: “Ok. Hold still right there.” *goes in cubbie and makes machine buzz*
X-ray Tech: “Good. Now, I need you to put the inside edge of your foot flat on the table.”
Me: “Okay.” *slowly positioning foot*
X-ray Tech: *pushing on my foot*
X-ray Tech: “There. Hold still.” *back in cubbie, more buzzing*
X-ray Tech: “Now, straighten out your leg all the way and point your toes straight out”
X-ray Tech: “Good. Hold still” *cubbie. Buzz, buzz*
X-Ray Tech: “Now, I need you to point your toes straight up. Like you're pulling your foot back towards you.”
X-ray Tech: *Pushing up on the bottom of my foot*
Me: “What the hell, lady? Are you some kind of masochist?”
X-ray Tech: “No.” *snickering*
Me: “Bullshit. I bet you love your job.”
X-ray Tech: *ignoring me*“Hold that right there” *more cubbie and buzzing*
X-ray Tech: “Okay, I need you to lay your foot on the outside edge.”
Me: *shifting and trying* “Ouch”
X-ray Tech: “Further. Keep going. All the way over”
Me: “That's is far as its going.”
X-ray Tech: “I know that's the sore side, but you have to go further over.”
X-ray Tech: “Good. Hold it.” *buzz*
X-ray Tech: “Okay. Now, back on the inside edge, but not as far flat.”
Me: *positioning foot*
X-ray Tech: *yanking foot where she wants it*
Me: “Shit! Stop helping me!”
X-ray Tech: “I'm not trying to hurt you.”
Me: “Well, if that's the case, you FAILED!”
X-ray Tech: “Just hold still.” *back to cubbie and buzzing*
X-ray Tech: “Okay, we are almost done. Last one. Unfortunately, its back on your sore side.”
Me: “Oh sure! Why not! Why don't you just rip the motherfucker off and position it however way you want?!”
X-ray Tech: *laughing* “That's good enough right there. Hold that.” *more buzzing*
X-ray Tech: “Okay. We're all done. The pictures look excellent. You can relax and put your foot where ever you want.”
Me: “How about I put it up your fucking ass?!”
X-ray Tech: “Hahahaha, I'm not sure that would feel very good for you.”
Me: “Oh, I don't know that I would say that.”
X-ray Tech: “Hahahaha, you're pretty funny. Especially for being in as much pain as you must be .”
Me: “Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't mean anything by it. I just like to joke around. It's how I deal with pressure and stress.”
X-ray Tech: “Well, now I'm feeling a little stressed.”
Me: “Good. Then that means I succeeded in passing mine off to you. Enjoy!”
Back to the ER.
The PA comes in and says, “Well, I have some bad news and worse news.”
I love it when they don't even attempt to sugarcoat it.
He says, “It is broke. That's the bad news. The worse news is that...well...the two bones in your lower leg form like a U-shape that surrounds the ankle joint. Your Fibula side of the U is broken, leaving just the Tibia side. Now, the Tibia side is the weight bearing side, but without the Fibula side there, the whole ankle is unstable. So we'll probably splint it and have you see an Orthopedic Surgeon.”
Me: “Geez. So, does that mean surgery?”
PA: “It means that the Orthopedic Surgeon will have to look at it and decide if it needs surgery. So, who would you like to see?”
Me: “I don't know. Let me do some checking around and get back to you on that.”
My brother-in-law said: “Dang dude. I feel sorry for you. I wish this wouldn't have happened.”
I said, “I just wish it would have happened to you instead. It's the least you could do since I let you bone my sister.”
I made some calls to family to get opinions on available docs, and decided that the Ortho on call was actually the one I wanted anyway and told the PA.
He came by later to tell me that the on call Ortho pulled up my films on his computer at home and said it looked intact enough that it didn't need surgery and should heal fine.
Later, they came by to tell me (interrupting my watching Avatar on my brother-in-laws iphone, the nerve of them!) that they were putting me in a temporary splint until the swelling went down, after which the Ortho would see me in his office for a regular cast.
I said, “Well, lets get this show on the road. I've got places to be. I need to finish my game. I left during just the 3rd frame.”
They wrapped me up, gave me some Loritab and crutches, and sent me on my way.
4 hours later.
So much for the new ER Fast Track.
As the nurse was wheeling me out, she almost ran my leg into a post.
Me: “Look, if you run me into a post, we are gonna have problems.”
Nurse: “I'm a good driver.”
Me: “I saw that when you almost took my leg off a second ago.”
Nurse: “Ha. What's wrong? Don't trust a woman driver?”
Me: “Well, I was gonna say something about that, but since you're still driving me, I figured I'd wait until we got there first.”
Then she almost shoved me into the side of my brother-in-laws truck.
I said, “There you go again. Proving those stereotypes right.”
Then we left, got my script filled, and grabbed a pizza.
I proceeded to sleep for the next 18 hrs or so.