Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The First Sign Of The Apocolypse Right Before Graveyards Run Out Of Dead Bodies.

All I wanted was 6 chicken legs.
Not for some weird Voodoo ritual. Besides, you use rooster legs for that.
No, I wanted 6 legs for my 3 picky little monsters, who believe the “other” parts aren’t real chicken.
ONE TIME of having dinner at the Dahmer’s house and NOW they’re suspicious of EVERYTHING!
So I pull up to KFC to order the 6 legs.
It’s ALWAYS the question of the day for the minimum wage staff too.
High School Dropout: “You want WHAT?!”
Me: “I said a 6 piece, of JUST legs.”
High School Dropout: “JUST LEGS?! Like in ‘legs ONLY’? You don’t want nuthin’ else?”
Me: “Nope. Just the legs.”
High School Dropout: “No breasts or anything?”
Me: “I’m going to need some more gas if I have to wait in this drive up lane much longer answering your stupid questions.”
High School Dropout: “Hold on, Sir, and let me check to see if we do that.” *yelling to management flunky* “THIS GUY AT THE WINDOW WANTS A SIX PIECE OF LEG ONLY! DO WE DO THAT?”
High School Dropout: “Okay, Sir, we do can do that. BUT unfortunately, we only have 3 legs.”
Me: *blink, blink* “Come again?”
High School Dropout: “We are almost out of legs and only have 3 left.”
Me: “THREE?!...How does THAT even happen?....Has your chicken supplier been selling you amputees?”
High School Dropout: “I’m not sure, Sir. I could ask my manager about that, if you want.”
Me: “GEEZ! Do you even HAVE your GED?”
H.S.D.: “……..”
Me: “It’s not like this is Popeye’s Chicken on some corner in the Hood. You guys are located in the country in INDIANA!”
H.S.D.: *quiet sobbing*
Me: “I mean, seriously, THIS IS KFC!...As in Kentucky Fried CHICKEN!.....How do YOU run out of Chicken?... Isn’t that against the law or something?”
H.S.D.:*silently praying for God to make it stop*
Me: “Do you think McDonald’s ever runs out of FREAKING CHEESEBURGERS?!”
H.S.D.: “I’m really sorry, Sir.”
Me: “Yes. Yes you are.”
H.S.D.: “Do you want the 3 that we have?”
Me: “Of course I do, don’t be silly. And a Family size tub of Mac & Cheese, Please.”

-Ending it in “Please” makes it all better and totally keeps them from spitting in the food.
-You might think I was a tad harsh, but we both know you are an overly sensitive tree hugger type who prefers rainbow and unicorns. Plus this was the SECOND time in a week that has happened to me at that same place.


Travis said...

The absolute worst day of my life was when the good Colonel stopped selling gizzards.

I've never forgiven him.

Kimberly said...

Dude....I cannot believe you did not have a side story about when he asked if you wanted any breasts?

Que Ed: "Naw...I'm more of an ass man. And the legs are for my kids."

Moooooog35 said...

The real tragedy in all of this is the distinct lack of coleslaw.

Coffeypot said...

Then you should have said, since you only have half of my order, I'm only gonna pay you half the price for the three you do have. That would be even, right?

Ed said...

Kimberly - You totally hit that nail on the head. I am a butt man. Breasts are only useful to infants.

p.s. Fix your "noreply-to-comment" email thingy.

hiphophippie.com said...

All praise for ass men!!!

The Queen said...

I hadn't heard from Ed in a long time.. thought he crawled off somewhere.. then.. today.. there you were.. on my laptop big as life... Hi Ed...

Anonymous said...

Forget the lack of cole slaw Moooog...the real travesty is the lack of biscuits with those honey packets! SO good...which is why I do not allow myself to have KFC! Honestly haven't eaten KFC in a good 10 years. My mouth is watering at the thought of biscuits though. *mind out of the gutters boys*.

I would have ripped into HSD too. How do you run out of chicken!?

Momma Fargo said...

Ick. Breasts are the only thing that is good. White meat only.

Ed said...

Seriously PEOPLE! PLEASE fix your "no-reply to comment" email thingy. It's much easier to reply to your comments when you do, because let's face it, I'm lazy.

hiphophippie.com-Thanks. Glad you approve.

The Queen-I've been super busy at work. No time to even write blog posts. (your tax dollars at work) But I still keep up with reading other people's posts on my lunch, and commenting when I can. I've popped over at your place several times.

Jewel-He was a really nice kid. And he was cracking up the whole time I was going off on my tangent. As for the biscuits, SEE ASSMAN comments above.

Dorn said...

You went back? Shoulda gone to Popeye's in da hood.

PBJdreamer said...

HEY! My kids are exactly the same--legs only--what gives with that?!?

Try your local grocery store, they usually have fried chicken cheaper and if you ask all nice like they will fry you up some more legs.

Are you a leg man yourself?

Or breast?


that is all

Lady Ohlala said...

Hahaha really??? How on earth could they remain speechless in front of you giving them these twisted (and yet completely valid in a weird way) points?? Just hilarious :)

I wish I was the one taking your order, would have enjoyed very much feeding your astonished comments!

Oh and the ending, well, I just can't stop laughing at it yet.

Anonymous said...

I highly doubt that the "please" stopped them from spitting in your food. But it was worth a shot!


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