I know you have all been dying to see it.
That’s why you have kept coming back these last couple of days.
Skimming through my drivel and commentary.
Thinking to yourself, “Shut it already! Just post the goods, you tease!”
Well, your patience and persistence has paid off.
I give you…..
The World Premiere Of The Video Of The Greatest Comedy Routine In The History Of Funny.
That is how I planned to write this post.
Right before I showed you all my awesome video.
The same video I promised to get for you.
Things don’t always go as planned.
Remember how I said I was really distracted by my nerves and forgot to get the good camera from my wife, or ask another comedian to film me? And how I almost forgot about the video entirely until my wife said something about it?
Remember how I said that you were only allowed to record from the comedians area, and that I passed my cell phone to my wife at the last minute, because it would be more discreet than her pulling out the big camera from the cheap seats (aka the land of no filming), and also because her phone is missing the camera button after one too many drops on the ground?
Well, here’s what happened.
We did get video.
But not much.
See, my wife started filming when I was called to the stage. The picture and audio is really crappy because it’s a cellphone. AND it’s dark in the club. AND And because my wife got stuck sitting in the back.
You can see me go onstage.
You can kind of hear me bomb through my first couple of lines.
You hear a few laughs. AND you hear some chic sitting beside my wife say, “HEY, I have cancer!”, all whiny and complainy.
Then, right as I’m about to find my rhythm, you hear a deep voice say, “EXCUSE ME, MA’AM!”
And the screen goes black.
My wife got busted.
They didn’t confiscate my phone, thankfully. But they did make her shut it down.
So basically, I have about 30 seconds of shitty quality video of me sucking an egg.
I was going to post it anyway, just so you could see with your own eyes that I at least made it onstage.
Unfortunately, since our desktop in currently busted, AND the Windows 7 on my laptop is being a total dick and won’t recognize my Samsung Mythic driver, I can’t upload the video.
However, if I ever manage to get it uploaded in the future, I promise I WILL share it.
Unless I delete it first.