Summer is just around the bend and I am thinking of inventing a sport. See, I already engage in a version of this activity, but have never given it a name or rules or its own custom equipment before. Chances are, you’ve played a similar version of it yourself. It also has very minimal start up cost. It can be a great workout. And you can participate in it anywhere.
It’s FLY fishing.
No, not fishing with flies. Fishing FOR flies.
Here’s what you do. When you get flies in your house, or say, they show up at your picnic uninvited, you pull out your fly rod. In this case, it’s a flyswatter with short piece of string tied to the business end. You bait the line. Since flies like shit, you get some. Rabbit works great because of size. Baby works great because of availability. Dog is a good substitute because it’s always laying around. If you live in the city, don’t have pets, or don’t have a little pooping machine in your house, you can use your own. I recommend this as a last resort. And make sure you wash your hands afterwards.
I can’t believe I have to tell you people to wash your hands after playing with shit.
So there you are, fly rod/swatter in hand, string tied to the business end with poo on the other end of the line. The purpose of the sport is to distract the nasty little flies from landing on your food or your sleeping partners face, and get them to go for the poo.
Once they attempt to land on the poo-on-a-string, you wack them with the swatter. Obviously, you have to be quick. It’s like that paddle with the ball on a string in the middle of it.
Patience and hand speed are a must.
This is strictly a kill sport. There are no catch and release, cause that’s just cruel. Who wants a bunch of maimed flies crawling around?
This is a stupid sport. Forget I said anything. Trying pushing away from the computer and going outside for once.