Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I ask a bunch of retorical questions and then save the world

Why is it:

Considered RUDE to say, “Bite me!” ; but when you try to make it polite and start it with, “Please”, it totally changes the meaning?

Why is it:

That when someone smacks their kid, it’s considered discipline; but when YOU smack their kid, it’s not regarded as being helpful, and occasionally seen as assault?

It takes a village, is all I’m saying.

Why is it:

That after 2 days, my attempts to start the “Bed-Head” fashion tread have yet to be fruitful?

Watch your backs Vidal Sassoon and Mullet-man.

__________________________________________________________________

Is it just me:

Or has Facebook become the social network whore?

People just pop on quickly to update their status, or harvest crops, or perform a mafia hit, and then they’re out.

They don’t take the time to read other peoples posts. They don’t accept friend requests. They don’t accept gifts. They don’t want to meet up for sex. They don’t view your Christmas pictures. They don’t want to chat in Facebook IM. They don’t care what your new baby looks like. They don’t want to know how your life is going. They just want you to know about them and who they're dating and what parties they just went too. They just do their business and leave.

Facebook should put a tip jar on the log in screen.



*I'm guilty of all of these*
**Except the meeting for sex thing. I would totally do that, if my wife would actually respond to my IM's**
***hint,hint, Wifey***
____________________________________________________________________

I found this quote interesting regarding the opening of Dubai’s new half mile high skyscraper:

Greg Sang, Emaar's director of projects, said the Burj Khalifa has "refuge floors" at 25 to 30 story intervals that are more fire resistant and have separate air supplies in case of emergency. Its reinforced concrete structure, he said, makes it stronger than steel-frame skyscrapers.

"A plane won't be able to slice through the Burj like it did through the steel columns of the World Trade Center," he said.

Dubai has not been a target of terrorist attacks or threats that have been made public.


Hmmmmmmm…….planes, NO……but what about cruise missles? <---------Ha! That’s plural!

___________________________________________________________________

I have a couple things in the works.

I have a super secret and hopefully awesome guest post coming up soon. I’ll let you know more details as they develop.

Due to popular demand, I am also working on doing a vlog type interview with Old Guy Office Mate.

And, I’m thinking of doing a weekly cartoon, which I might be trying out in the coming days. It should be in a style similar to the commercial I did for Lee.

I want to welcome all the new followers I’ve picked up recently. Just like the fleas on my dog, you keep multiplying and biting her ass.

I’ll try and get around to each of your blogs, but if I miss you, make sure you let me know, as I’m hard of seeing.

Also, check out my New Years Decorations before they're gone. It won't be long now, just like Miley Cyrus’s innocence. <---(Who turns 18 this year. Also, her last song referenced Britney Spears, of the "3" song fame. It's like she's saying, "Bye-Bye Disney, Hello Playboy". Well, almost.)

I plan to change things up each Holiday, but probably won’t because I’m lazy, and suffer from ADHD (Apathetic Douche Handsome Devil).

37 comments:

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

I am heading to pop my popcorn and I will be waiting by my computer for the vlog with the old dude. But please let me know ahead of time if there is going to be nudity so I can have a trash can nearby.

You seem to be a bit excited about Miley's birthday....

Just Another Momma said...

I mis-read your post title. I ask a bunch of rectal questions and then save the work. WOW, I need to learn how to read. LOL. I am guilty of the FB social network whoring. . . I better get on that.

Mrsblogalot said...

I will live for that weekly cartoon! Have I officially declared you genius for Lee's soap commercial? Well consider it done

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I tried the naughty chat via facebook with my wife the other night. I think it works a lot better if you're not in the same room together and can't hear her giggling.

Hillbilly Duhn said...

I Fb and fly. Or farm... But I do accept my gifts.

I look forward to a weekly cartoon. I vote NO on Vlog, cause I can't ever get my slow ass hillbilly computer to load the things.

Coffeypot said...

I love cartoons...and i might steel a good one. You are welcome to any I may post, too.

Sally-Sal said...

I can't wait to see you and OGOM, or as he's known around Christmas time, Daddy Warbucks.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Oh hey, when a kid gets smacked in my village, children's aid comes to your door within 12 hours.

Hatin' on facebook. Dear Facebook, you are a whore...

Dubai needs to payup their loan before there is any interest in anyone driving things into things... just sayin'

I think bed heads are hot! lol not.

Moooooog35 said...

Dude,

I totally asked you for sex on Facebook and you completely ignored me.

Pot. Kettle. BLACK!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Your facebook thing was hilarious!! Who's the super secret guest poster?? Or should I say poser??

Cassie said...

I think we should totally send some cruise missles to the Burj skyscraper just to test their claims.

BeckEye said...

The only offer for sex I ever got on Facebook was from a goat in Farmville. And I don't even play that.

Tony said...

Oh God...I used to enjoy Facebook up until that damn Farmville thing came along, and now all of my updates consist of: "so and so found a depressed pregnant cow on top of the barn! Uh-Oh!"

I could literally post a nude picture of me, and people wouldn't care because of stupid Farmville. Why do you think I came to Blogger in the first place? So I won't be ignored. I need to be an attention whore...

Great post, sir!

Travis said...

I'm going to keep it real here, and just say that I will be first in line for a copy of the Miley Cyres copy of Playboy.

Geez.

GingerJar said...

Perv's Miley is just an innocent little girl, wanting to be a grown up. I agree, face-book is a whore, but I feel the need to play with her every day and I'm a girl. LOL.

Allie said...

Okay, so remember when you commented on my blog and you were all "I knew you weren't following me!" ? Well I didn't take you seriously because I was almost positive that I was following you. But you win this time, Ed. I had you bookmarked, but had not followed yet. Shame on me. I have rectified the problem.

Oh, and in regard to slapping other people's children, have you tried doing it with a smile? Because then it just kind of looks like you are playing with them.

Also, I agree about Facebook. It's become almost as bad as Twitter.

Allie said...

Okay, so remember when you commented on my blog and you were all "I knew you weren't following me!" ? Well I didn't take you seriously because I was almost positive that I was following you. But you win this time, Ed. I had you bookmarked, but had not followed yet. Shame on me. I have rectified the problem.

Oh, and in regard to slapping other people's children, have you tried doing it with a smile? Because then it just kind of looks like you are playing with them.

Also, I agree about Facebook. It's become almost as bad as Twitter.

Tricia said...

HAHA. Facebook is the "social network whore".

I love it. Absolutely frickin' love it.

Yankee Girl said...

I have been blog hopping like crazy and have no idea how I found you. But now that I have, I cannot let you go. You may be one of the funniest people I have found online in a long time.

How was that for an ego stroking?

Daffy said...

First rule of the Mafia is that there is no Mafia. I don't know this because I know....justsayin

Also, drop the gun but grab the canoli. Especially if its one my sil made...damn good shit

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

I honeslty had NO idea we were all supposed to meet for sex on FB. Wild. I'll head over now.

ScoMan said...

I find people come on to Facebook only to post pictures of me.. Hitting their children.. With "Have you seen this man? My pro wrestler cousin wants a word with him" posted on it. I bet their cousin has a mullet.

kys said...

My name is kys and I'm a recovering FB Whore. It's been 18 days since my last status post.

Carol said...

Bite Me brings back a very bad memory.

I would love to see a vlog with OGOM, that would be awesome.

ADHD - I like your definition much better.

adrienzgirl said...

I accept my facebook gifts. I don't accept facebook sex though. Geez..
Sex Chat went out with AOL. That's so 1999.

justsomethoughts... said...

being polite is always a plus
please bite me
works every time

Noelle said...

i never post my status on fb...i only go on there to snoop into everyone else's lives. i like it that way. and now i'm really pissed that no one has asked me to meet up for sex. uber pissed, even.

Alex said...

I used to be a facebook whore and now I'm just a facebook peeping Tom. Updating your status means that you actually have to be doing something. Sitting on the couch doesn't count...or does it (she types while logging onto facebook)...

Vic said...

Happy New Year to you,too, Handsome Devil.

Facebook is starting to depress me. And my farm died. Apparently you have to go there sometimes.

Dingo said...

I was going to comment on the whole FB thing and then I glanced at your sidebar...oohhhh, doggy! I love your Shiba.

Secretia said...

Well you know a lot about facebook, Ed. And you're a funny man.

Secret Agent K said...

As far as the bite me thing goes, do what I do, whenever you say something realy douchy just be like, no offense...

example? Wow you look like shit today....

No offense..

See how that works?

JennyMac said...

I would rather read about sex on FB than " I am enjoying a yummy cup of soup." Can you implement a rating system on updates when you swing the tip jar thing?

Forgotten said...

lol. I'm so out of the loop. I don't even have a Facebook page (hears a collective gasp from the other commenters). What? Did I do something wrong?

And seriously, quit perving on Miley. She's still a baby. Find a woman with some boobs to perv on. I mean, sheesh. What's this world coming to when flat-chested teenagers get all the attention? Oh, wait. (someone whispers in my ear) That's been the case all along. Well, damn. There goes my hopes of making it big. So long, teenage years...

The Blue Zoo said...

I was really hoping the bed head would catch on. Then I wouldnt have to spend so much of my time making it behave!

Cassie said...

I get on facebook to play farkle. I'm embarrassed to even say that, b/c it sounds dirty. It's a dice game.

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