So yesterday was the office Christmas party.
My dog poo was a hit!
Actually, I didn’t bring any poo, because my dog is good at hiding it and you can only find it with barefeet in the summertime.
Old Guy went out and bought both mine and his gifts to bring, because he knows I’m handsomely irresponsible.
He also brought in extra food for me to claim.
He’s like my Daddy Warbucks.
So we go in at lunch time and they are drawing numbers for the White Elephant gift exchange (A.K.A. Redneck giftswap…….which is similar but different to Redneck Wifeswap).
Anyway, a big argument breaks out about how to play the game.
Do you pick and open and then swap, or can you just swap and force that person to open again?
People are getting seriously upset about this.
So finally, I scream in my mind, “YOU’RE RUINING CHRISTMAS!!!!”
I received a First Aid Kit.
The food was good.
Afterwork, Old Guy and I are walking out to our cars and when we get to the parking lot, Old Guy remembers that he parked on the other side of the campus because Alzheimer's is a bitch.
I’m like, “That sucks dude. See you later.”
Then, I gave him a ride over to his car because he faked a heartattack and I didn’t want to get stuck disposing of a body. Again.
On the way to his car, he starts talking about how dark my windows are tinted and other stuff that old people notice.
Then, we’re slowly pulling through the parking lot and this lady is walking to her car, and she looks a little freaked out and keeps looking back at us and walking faster, and Old Guy says, “It looks like she thinks you’re going to rape her.” And I was all, “Why do you think my window are this dark!” and I gave him the crazy eyes.
So, I know today is supposed to be TMI Thursday, and I’ve been promising to reveal my “biggest” TMI ever.
But I’m seriously chickening out.
1. It is disgusting!
2. It is way too personal.
3. It would most likely cost me followers, and since I lost one yesterday and didn’t even write anything yesterday, you all are a fickle bunch.
4. I’ve tried writing it 3 times and it just sounds more vomit inducing than funny, which sucks.
5. I’m a pansy.
6. I have too many flesh friends and family that read my blog.
7. It is fun keeping secrets.
8. I’m a sissyboy.
9. I wanted to make a top ten list of reasons why, but yet again I keep getting stuck around #7 or #8.
10. I went ahead and put this in and now it will count, so suck it Letterman.
Tomorrow is V-Day.
I’m actually looking forward to getting it over with.
It’s like the stock market, short term risks = long term rewards, but with sore balls and no accidental pregnancies.
This might be the best Vasectomy post ever in the history of Vasectomy blog posts and will definitely make my balls legend, which is completely random.
I wasn’t sure if I was going to come into work tomorrow for a half day, or just skip the whole day.
Well, because of my indecisiveness and rugged charm, my coworkers surprised me with a birthday party this morning.
I’ll be 35 on Saturday.
Actually, it was mostly Old Guy’s idea. He’s awesome like that. Gruff exterior but with a heart of rainbows (not the gay kind of rainbow though).
Old Guy isn’t old, old, by the way. He’s like 67.
Which is almost twice my age because Math hates him.
So that makes him “Old Guy” for witness protection purposes.
I was planning to vlog most of this last night, but I’m lazy and decided TV and sleep were more important.
Then, I thought about doing a before and after vlog of my nuts for educational research purposes because I like to help society.
But I can’t ever get any privacy at my house, and when you’re showing your junk to the world, you HAVE to have privacy.
So then I dreamed I met the President at the White House, which we all know means I’ll secretly be having an affair with Mrs. Obama in the future.
Or I’ll be winning the Super Bowl.
Or the World Series.
Or some Championship.
Or crashing a dinner.
I’m hoping for the affair. Michelle’s hot! (Call ME!)
Just kidding Wifey!
*shaking head at camera and mouthing “Not really, Michelle. Do call me!”*
As I was typing this, the doctor’s office called to confirm my appt tomorrow at 1pm.
And to tell me they could get me in at 9am due to a cancellation, if I wanted.
I asked the lady if there were any advantages to coming in at 9am vs. 1pm.
Like “Are the doctor’s hands warmer in the morning?” or “Is she in a better mood in the morning?” or “Does she fight with her husband at lunchtime?”
I won’t divulge her answers because I don’t spread rumors but let’s just say I’m keeping my 1 o’clock.