Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Tuesdays Quickies...

I'm late. (TWSS x 4)





Speaking of...



After an exhaustive search for a qualified medical professional (actually I just polled friends on Facebook)......("polled friends" sounds dirty, I meant I questioned them)



*drumroll*



I have finally scheduled my appt for a Vasectomy! (pictures to follow)



Happy Anniversary Wifey!











I saw this online today...




That's right Ladies!

You no longer have to suffer penis envy!

You TOO can write your name in the snow!

Just buy this convenient snatch FUNNEL for your urinary pleasure!

WTF!

Found this awesome story on Yahoo Odd News:

LONDON (Reuters) – A British man on the run from police sent a picture of himself to his local paper because he disliked the mugshot they had printed of him as part of a public appeal to track him down.
South Wales Police had issued media with the photo of Matthew Maynard, wanted by officers investigating a house burglary, as part of a crackdown on crime in Swansea.
When it appeared in the South Wales Evening Post, the 23-year-old sent the newspaper a replacement photo of himself standing in front of a police van. They obligingly printed it on the front page.
The police thanked him for helping them in their appeal, saying: "Everyone in Swansea will know what he looks like now."

GENIUS!

Is this Future Darwin Award Nominee vain or just being overly helpful?

The more I read that story, the more I laughed.

Then I cried a little, because of what it says about our society.

Then, I mostly laughed again.

Just another fine example of the things I find amusing, and others don't.

The Wifey and I were scheduled to meet with our marriage counselor last night. (No, we aren't having "trouble". He started as my counselor cause I'm crazy but then decided I should start bringing the wife because he wanted a second opinion of my wackiness and wanted to see what a woman who would put up with me would actually look like.) (Plus, good relationships take work and threats of violence which my wife is very good at.)

Anyany,

We were supposed to go together, but we couldn't get a babysitter for the inmates, and my wife wanted to cancel because if we no show they charge $50 which is a lot of cheese and bread and the inmates would then starve.

I was feeling a little blue, aka depressed.

Not little AND blue, like a smurf.

So, I told the wife, I would just go alone, if she so granted permission.

She did.

When our counselor came to get us/me from the waiting room, he said, "Just you? Where's Liz?"

I said, " She left me! It's over dude!"

I thought it was funny.

Turns out I was the only one.

His reaction was more fear, panic, failure, and disbelief.

He eventually laughed, but only after correctly diagnosing my assholiness.

13 comments:

kys said...

Dude, you can't joke with counselors like that. They read into everything. Kinda like wives....,
PS Congrats to your wife on the vasectomy appt. I have a half-assed, half-finished post in the works about Hubs'.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Yeah, I need to go get the snippity snip, too. Chemgeek says to shave yourself up the night before you go in for the unkindest cut.

Also, what the hell is wrong with counselors? Damn. Grow a set with a side of humor.

adrienzgirl said...

Snip snip, is like the best present ever. The hubs got neutered seven years ago.

The Go Girl thing, yeah someone posted that this weekend. My response. That's just GROSS. What do you with it after use? Put a wet pee thingymabob in your purse? Wash it in the sink? Ewwwww!

Oh, and you so have to be careful with the shrinks. They have no sense of humor. Job requirement.

Secretia said...

Be careful when you do the paperwork. Don't check "radical vasectomy".

Coffeypot said...

Just wait till you have been married as long as I have. You want need a vasectomy because you won't be getting any anyways.

Cassie said...

My husband says he refuses to have a vasectomy on the grounds that if I leave him, he would have to have a child right away to prove his virility. I told him that's fine, if he wanted that kid to live with him in a cardboard box since I'm taking EVERYTHING when I leave him.

Kris said...

Sex after being fixed is the best!

Also, that funnel isn't as fun as the Shenis. Go ahead. Google that.

Vic said...

How will this affect your driving?

(Big fan of vasectomies! Is there a facebook fan page for those? I'm going to check - I'll sign you up if there is.)

ScoMan said...

I love stupid criminal stories.

My favorite this year is the guy who broke into someones house, stole stuff and noticed on the way out their computer was on.

Facebook is an addiction, and so he decided to check his. No harm, right?

Unless of course, you forget to sign out.

Moooooog35 said...

Oh.

Oh man.

Do you have ANY idea what you're in for?

You may want to read up on my vasectomy first.

The best part of the vasectomy?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

However, you do get to masturbate a TON afterwards.

Which was no different than usual for me.

You poor bastard.

مى said...

Okay that was very entertaining! And weird, too!

Are you really getting a.. umm.. vasectomy?

(:

Jay Ferris said...

So you're being punished with a vasectomy? Maybe you should just try to have a horse kick you in the balls instead. Certainly more painful, but at least you'd make the evening news.

The Mother said...

I'm not sure hubby will ever forgive me for the vasectomy.

Especially since I had a hysterectomy two years later. I mean, who knew?

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