Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Wacky Wednesday.......

Did I mention Old-Guy OfficeMate calls me "Edith"? Yeah, he thinks that's funny cause it starts with Ed, and is an old lady's name (sorry out there if your names Edith). So all day long, I get this: "Hey Edith, come over here." or "Hey Edith, how come my PC ain't working?"
I don't know whether to start calling him "Archie", or just go postal. I do work for the Fed, afterall, and that's how we roll.

I'm sick of these BEE's! Seriously, they're a close second (behind the spawn of Satan that is spiders) on my list of things I love to squish....I can't even walk out my door without being swarmed like I'm covered in syrup....Now, I know I'm sweet like Mrs.Butterworth, but where have they been all summer? Why now?....Just last week, while grilling in my garage (cause I'm too lazy to drag the grill over the hump) with the door up (cause lazy don't equal stupid), I was viciously ambushed by a squadron of these striped insurgents. We engaged in an epic battle. Me and my spatula, they and their stingers. They dive bombed, I swatted. They buzzed like chainsaws, I squealed like a little girl. Finally, when the grill smoke cleared, the carnage was revealed. They had taken 10 casualties. I was still stinger free!
However, later that night, one of those suckers snuck in the house trying to get revenge for his fallen comrades, by trying to pass himself off as a new large mole with wings on the back of my calf. He underestimated my lightening fast squishability and paid with his life. "You loose Mr. Bee!"
See, I've only been stung maybe 4 times in my life. But that's because of my ninja skills, and because I don't wait for them to sting me first....Attack,attack,attack!...I remember when I was a kid, I would be somewhere with my mom & dad. Mom & me would be waiting in the truck for dad, which was the normal...LONG wait!...A Bee would come in the window, and I would freak. But mom would say, "Relax. Just be still. If you don't move, it won't hurt you." I remember one landing on my arm and mom holding me and saying that same thing, as the hypodermic needle on legs crawled around on my arm. (I bet Hitler's mother did that stuff too)Then it would fly away. **This only ever worked while she was present, as she was The Bee Whisperer**

Thanks Mom! That's probably why I had to see the Bee Movie wearing a keeper's outfit.


Mb said...

Bee whisperer. LOL I snorted while reading that.

Anonymous said...

I believe your Mother secretly works for the bees.

That's how they work.

The bees, I mean.

They're sneaky and such.

Travis said...

See my previous comment on zombies.

Apply here.

Emil Kirstein said...

When I was teased at school (a hundred years ago) my mom used to say, "Ignore them. Your reactive response is what they want." I learned that if I could make a bigger joke about myself using their jokes, driving it beyond reason instead of retaliating, it took the fun out of their stings--and they stopped. Blessings.

spleeness said...

"hypodermic needle on legs" and your "ninja skills" cracked me up! I can't sit still either. I am always way on the offensive when stinging things are around! And you know what? It WORKS.

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

I only got stung once when the neighbor lady tried brushing it off my thumb. I'm with your mom, stay still and make them think you're a tree or something until they get bored and fly away. I am so afraid of bees! You must have great lightening fast squishability skills to survive such a big bee attack! Good for you!! Still, getting stung four times doesn't sound like all that good a record to me.


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