Friday, September 4, 2009

Tells From Wally World............

I couldn't stop laughing yesterday when I read the story about that old dude pimp-slapping that lady's screaming toddler at the Wal-Mart. If you haven't seen it, look here:

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not in favor of Geriatric on Pediatric crime. But the idea of somebody losing it, and throwing a beatdown on a perfect stranger's kid is so odd, it's funny.
Let's be honest though, it was Wal-Mart. In fact, when my wife first saw the story online, and started to tell me about it, I said, "That HAD to happen at Wal-Mart!"
What is it with that place? Often, it's like some sort of Circus Side Show. Especially after 10pm. If ever I find myself in Wal-Mart at that hour, the song that goes, "The freaks come out at night", starts running through my head. I can't count the number of times I've been there when some kid has projectile vomited in some isle of the store.....I mean, if your kid is that sick, DON'T TAKE THEM TO THE STORE!......Leave them at home when you make that 11pm run for your itch cream and $2 imitation Crocs.

This one time, when me and the MRS. were on a date night, we did some late night shopping at Wal-Mart (because I am THAT romantic). We were in the clearance isle, looking at some seasonal stuff that was marked cheaper than cheap (nothing says love to my wife more than practically free stuff). That's when it started. You always know when it's going to start, cause you can either hear a screaming kid or some W-T (white-trash) talking way too loud. It went something like this:

*turns out he was talking to someone on his cell phone who was evidently waiting outside*
WT Old Guy to Younger WT Lady with him: "She says hurry up!"
*kid starts screaming*
Young WT Lady to Old WT Guy: "I'm tryin"..........then to kid...."I SAID GET UP!"
*it's about this time we see them*
Description: Old WT Guy......Standard Dirty ole' man walking beside other two w/ his cell phone
Young WT Lady and Screaming Kid..........she pushing cart, kid sitting on floor,
both wearing raggedy pajama's
Old WT Guy: "Hurry UP!"
Young WT Lady (to kid): "I said get up! Get up now, or I'm gonna bust your ass!"
*kid is still sitting on floor, screaming, holding on to the back of cart*
*WT Lady starts pushing cart, kid starts he's stretched out like superman flying through a linoleum sky...............she keeps pushing cart, dragging kid*
I'm thinking: "Just let GO, kid!"
WT Lady stops after about 50 feet, leans down and starts wailing on kid's butt while yelling: "I SAID GET YOUR FUCKING ASS UP!"

Yep, another fun filled night at Wal-Mart...................I LOVE that store!

P.S. That new site, The People of Wal-Mart, is genius. Created by 3 fellow Hoosiers I might add.

P.S.S. No White Trash were disturbed during this episode. It is always best to observe them from afar while in their natural habitat.


Travis said...

I am actually going to post a blog about our recent trip to Wal-Mart for groceries. Prolly a little later on today! I have pictures! It was the 1st, so there are a couple of doozies. Just wanted to let you know I'm not copying you!

Amy Gabbard said...

Ed-check out my Facebook album called "Things I Find Amusing". I took a picture of a lady I saw at Wal-Mart a couple of months back with my cell phone. I am going to submit it to that website.

What is UP with people wearing raggedy pajamas to Wal-Mart, anyway? They wouldn't wear that to Applebee's...but for some reason they think at Wal-Mart it's acceptable.


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