Okay, so one of the blog people I follow (LiLu) does this thing on Thursday's where you share some TMI with your readers. I was debating on whether to try this or not for several reasons. Not because I don't have an over abundance of TMI stories, because I do. Gobs, and Gobs, and Gobs......*that's fun to say and type*. It would be like......if my life was a factory......and TMI stories were it's product.........well, it would be one of those 3rd world China or India factories where they mass produce all those fake Gucci handbags and the workers are all kids making $0.10 a day for 16 hours of work. Okay, I have no friggin idea what that means either. I just know that if there was anything I have ever been accused of, which there has been a lot (all wrongly I might add---YOU FRIGGIN BASTAGES), it was never that I gave Too Little Information. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the reason I debated doing TMI Thursdays is: 1)I don't now if I have the cajones to share my stories with you, and 2) if I could do it and still keep my blog sorta "Family-Friendly".
Anyway, I'll try one this time.
After I returned home from the Navy, I spent some time working as a CNA in a Nursing Home. Now, there's a blog in itself. However, this one particular day, I had to go in and help another CNA lift her old lady resident off the toilet. The resident wasn't a big lady.....I'd say....medium grandma. Anyway, her CNA was a teeny-tiny thing, and this grandma didn't stand so good. So, Tiny is on one side of grandma, I'm on the other. We got one hand under her arms, and one hand on grandma's "lift belt". We go on 1,2,3. Just as we're getting grandma into a standing position, we both see the efforts of the old lady's labor. We can't help but laugh. In the john is the biggest friggin turd either of us had ever seen. It was like a child's arm! It should have been saved for the Smithsonian or something. I'm talking "so-huge-it-can't-be-from-a-human" big!
Grandma is even laughing. I'm like, "Holy CRAPCAKE Grandma! I bet you feel better now!" Tiny was like, "No wonder you were working so hard!" Grandma was like, "That's big!" Anyway, during our hysteria, we dropped poor grandma, who landed back on the john kinda hard. But she didn't care, cause she was laughing too.
Later, I go back in to flush. Guess what doesn't want to leave. Scratch that, maybe it did want to leave. I should say, guess what was too big to flush. I tried sending it to turd heaven 3 times. It wouldn't go. I actually had to take a plunger and break it up into pieces to get it down. Fun times!
Oh yeah, one of my bloggy buddies (the chicken nugget lady)let me know that my comments aren't working. I'm a serious tard! I'll try getting that fixed.
I might post again later today, so check back.